i am the most complicated man


i try to avoid the past but half of my thoughts are about the past.

i try to live in the now but i cant help but try to predict the future.

when i go to chicago i love love love it but when i come back home i love it even more.

the kids love me and i love them but if i never have any thatd be fine with me but if i ever had some im sure id be an incredible dad or the worst of all because i would keep it real with them and say things like

bill murray and carrie fisherlife isnt fair dont ever think it is.

i wouldnt tell them shit about santa claus id point to the portrait over the fireplace of a black Jesus and id say its that guy’s birthday coming up and we should do stuff for OTHER people instead of asking for a barbie dream house. its not even your birthday! how do you think you should get a bunch of stuff and chop down a tree and leave cookies out for reindeers we live in Hollywood, how many reindeers you see here baby?

but then id probably buy them the biggest barbie dream house of all and sign it, happy my birthday – jesus.
my cats missed me. they came running to me when i got home last night. they were all hey man thought you croaked or something.

xbi texted me while i was on the FlyAway bus asking how the Feel No Pain remedy worked on my arms and hands and i dont wanna tell them that it totally worked but they know.

lord knows, they know.

today is bill murrays birthday and i dont know what to do about it. drink without a shirt? walk down Hollywood Blvd. and just congratulate everyone I pass?

he had the best advice about being rich and famous, he said if thats what you really want to do, just be rich. and then be super generous to everyone without telling them youre rich. no one has to know. he said that would cover most of what you get out of being famous.

and the best is you avoid the people who just want you cuz yr famous.

guess bill screwed that part up.

do you know  something that i love today?

i love that Ryan Adams covered Taylor Swift’s entire album, 1989, which was pretty terrible, but a band called Father John Misty covered Adams’ cover of Blank Space in the style of Lou Reed.

THIS is a record I want.

I’d buy a damn record player just to play it if it only came on vinyl.

i also love that i have today off so i can do my laundry and read the bible and order thai and maybe take a nap with the window open and the fan blowing

knowing that Jay Cutler wont lose the game for the Bears next Sunday or probably the Sunday after that

and the Cubs are peaking at exactly the right time.

timing, as you know, is everything.