1. Thursday, October 15, 2015

    drove and drove and drove and thought about forgiveness 

    southwest airlines pretty girl wanted tacos so i said hell yeah. she said 8pm i said fine.

    then she said, so so sorry im getting fitted for a new plaid skirt, how about 10, i said what i will do is drive the good people of LA around in my uber and pick your sweet ass up at el secret-o spot-o at ten and we will taco it up.

    slipped on the driving gloves and i drove this one there and that one there. short rides. then i got a guy at the nakitomi plaza who wanted to go to canyon country which is a good hour away. by good i mean good for my pocketbook. bad because it was 8ish meaning i would get there at 9ish meaning i was nervous i wouldnt be back in civilization in time for ten o’clock tacos.

    so i drove fast.

    the 405 was jammed pack because the devil didnt want me to accomplish the impossible so i took sepulveda alongside the freeway. i was going 40, the freeway was going 20. the dude in the back was asleep with his headphones on and i was listening to old school jazz as i typically do when the passenger is paying $2.50 a mile. i coulda switched it over to something else but it was nice and i was thinking about a letter i wanted to write a different pretty girl.

    one who was lost and sick and freaked out but had a good heart. the xbi cut out a lot of normal things about me but just how the blind can hear super good and the deaf can give the best massages, because of what they did to me i can see peoples hearts perfectly.

    and hers was close to pure. she meant no harm even though she left a trail of harm everywhere she roamed.

    so i thought of the letter id write if i wrote one which i probs never would because the devil in her head would skew it the wrong way and turn it evil and it would backfire and i thought what is the purpose of your communique? do you want her to love you (too late)? do you want her to take your advice (as if)? do you want her to change in some way (ppl dont change from emails)? then what then what then what?

    then the devil in my head said shes never gonna love you or see you for who you are or ever be good to you until she does the one thing shes never done in her whole life what makes you think your dumbass email is gonna be the one thing that turns the key, you havent been influential + yr too sentimental.

    so i drove as miles played so what and thought who else i could write emails to

    and all i could think of is you