1. Tuesday, October 27, 2015

    “the only love that lasts forever is unrequited love” – woody allen 

    lana del reybecause im a million years old and ive got this buff bod, ive had my share of love affairs.

    and because im a million, and a real life human, i’ve also had some unrequited loves.

    not everything works out. maybe its supposed to be like that.

    maybe the biggest lesson that porn teaches us is: if the boy always gets the girl, it makes for a super boring story.

    i didnt always get the girl. and sometimes when i got her i wondered why i wanted her in the first place (and vice versa).

    one of the best things ive learned about unrequited love is theres lots of it.

    but the question is, does that mean theres lots of potential requited love?

    i say yes.

    but more importantly heres what ive learned about unrequited love.

    ive learned that its the best motivation for working out, cleaning up ones apartment,

    and reading books youd never consider.

    and this, i think, is what separates us from apes.

    if a boy ape likes a girl ape and wants to climb a tree with her but she doesnt wanna, instead she wants to go to the river with a different boy ape

    im pretty sure the first boy ape doesnt start doing pushups and grooming himself in a different way.

    im pretty sure the first boy ape just hops over to a different girl ape and grabs her hand and leads her up a big tree to see the whole forest at sunset.

    sometimes the apes know what the heck they’re doing.