500 people walked around Isla Vista on Halloween on Saturday

isla vista halloween 2015

dear students of ucsb

no one forced you to go to the greatest party school in the world.

you coulda gone to cal poly. you coulda applied at long beach state.

dont laugh, they have a fucking pyramid at long beach state.

instead you chose UCSB. U Can Study Buzzed.

and on top of that you paid much money to live in Isla Vista. greatest town there ever was.

it’s great because it’s close to the beach, everybody’s beautiful, and the best parties are thrown there. legendary ones that cant even be mentioned because words are just dumb sounds compared to what goes down on dp, sabado, trigo and the others.

103015-Isla-Vista-Halloween-2_mefrats are a joke, but especially so in 93117 because besides the town being super fun, the people who go to school there wisely reject the idea that you have to buy your friends and lose your individuality in a bizarre struggle of forced acceptance.

fuck. that. shit with a 6 foot beer bong hanging from a rickety balcony.

you have your entire life to be a boring disgusting sellout

terrified of offending this one or that one.

you will have decades upon decades to dress like a bozo and say yes to things that inside you dont agree with one bit.

but when you’re in college you get to lose yourself while you find out who you are.

it’s the expansion and contraction of the universe. and the universe is you.

you get to grow your hair like you want, kiss who you want, dance like you want, think all the things youve never thought before, be in bands, try new clubs, eat new foods, meet new people

and best of all dress up as something obnoxious, slutty or hilarious and walk down isla vista’s main street with your friends on Halloween

and laugh and laugh and laugh.

and laugh.

unless you totally fuck up and forget you’re free.

you live in america, fellow gauchos, the land of the free and the home of the brave.

it is not brave to sit back and let the so called law tell you you cant play music after a certain hour.

it is not brave to watch cops year after year come in to your town and treat you like youre some criminal, like you did something horribly wrong, like you are some slimy kid with no rights or lesser rights or temporary rights

sheriffsyou have exactly the same rights as anyone else in this whole country.

for example you have the same rights as the 100,000 people who came to West Hollywood on Halloween and dressed up and laughed and drank and smoke and made out and, you know fucking had a Halloween.

three people were arrested in West Hollywood during the biggest bash in all of LA saturday night.

28 people were arrested in Isla Vista despite only 500 of you walking around town.

how is that possible?

it’s possible because you are allowing it to be possible.

it is possible because you are listening to the losers who tell you bullshit like “it is what it is”

we’d be speaking french german or spanish if this country believed in “it is what it is” and thank God above we dont.

we are americans, we are gauchos, and we are free.

trust me, there will be more than enough opportunity for you to bend over to fear and take it and pretend it isnt totally humiliating

for this brief period of your youth, i beg you,


sure, some of you may die.

but right now, hardly any of you are living.

Taco Bell executive fired for assaulting Uber driver


First let’s thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet, dash cameras, and JUSTICE.

i wonder how things went down many moons ago when people got bitch slapped before cameras were everywhere.

now they’re even in Ubers and can capture bad drunks being bad drunks.

i wonder how easy/hard it would have been to get a Taco Bell honcho shitcanned if a mild mannered Uber driver just filed a police report and claimed that the drunk guy in question tried to beat his head up against the window as he was driving.

for my birthday my momma got me a $100 gift card for Amazon, my favorite store.

pretty sure imma get the Falcon Dashcam that goes for $139 and install it in my ride ASAP because if this can happen in Newport Beach – a place my mom likes to time share – imagine what happens in Hollywood.

or, what could happen in Hollywood.

I’ve had to kick out people before and it’s never a smooth operation. I really wish I had a dash cam back then to document them.

the xbi frowns upon said technology. we’re supposed to handle problems in the shadows, but thankfully this driver shared his story with the world and now Taco Bell has one less exec with drinking issues.

which is good news for all of us.

the scary part is now that Uber had booted the passenger from its system i wonder if he is taking Lyft or drinking/driving?


todays sass’s birthday, shes 24

sass in my closetpicked up this 21 year old brazillian dude in my uber on halloween.

first thing he said was im afraid im gonna cheat on my girlfriend tonight.

he was not dressed up in a costume unless he was going as a handsome young brazillian with a nervous conscious.

i said, where is your girlfriend? he said san pablo.

we were at a stop light. i said you wont cheat on her, dont worry.

and just then three young women dressed as sexy cats walked by in their high heels just laughing and laughing

he and i watched. they were probably the prettiest women in the whole wide world.

i said how long have you been dating this girl.

he said, since we were 12.

i said TWELVE!?

he then showed me a picture of them when they were 12.

i said, listen. i know about love. and love is magical. i also know your english is terrible so just listen to the sounds.

your weiner is an important thing. it believes in love too. it followed you to the USA.

here in the USA you might meet a chinese girl from canada named sass, who, im told, loves barely legal brazillian boys.

he said i dont like asian women.

i showed him this photo.

he said, take me to her.

i said, too late amigo shes in paris right now. but my point is you may meet someone like her and 30 years from now you’re gonna be very mad when you see someone like her on tv and you will kick your dog or goat or moose and say WHY DIDNT I MEET THIS SASS!

break up with your girl immediately and start your life.

and he said, youre right. thank you sir. and he tipped me one dollar on a $20 ride.