1. Wednesday, November 25, 2015

    i dont think people realize, im very shy 

    the night before

    super true.

    the blogging, the journalisming, the ubering: it’s all ways for me to help me break out of my shell because if i had my way id just move to maui, learn how to mix drinks, and just work at a hotel bar and call it a day.

    why bother with all of this hoo ha?

    but i know that the good lord put me in this place for a reason and it isn’t to take the easy way out and get wrinkly in a tropical paradise and marry a hula girl and be a massive sellout.

    still, it’s a struggle when im at a roulette wheel sipping on my rum n coke and a pretty girl sits a few stools down from me and she smiles. is she a hooker? is she a man? does she have some terrible diseases? does she think i have a wallet full of cash?

    one guy after another sits by her and loses in one way after another and finally after they leave she scootches over to me.

    i like your system she says. shes been watching. of course she has. it’s so simple. bet one chip on black. if you lose, bet two on black. if you lose again bet four on black. if you lose again bet eight on black. eventually it’s gonna be black and when it does, take the winnings and bet one on black again.

    the night beforemeanwhile the rum n cokes keep coming and either the frat boys win big and leave with the girl or they lose and try to woo her anyways but, come on. yr a loser. and just look at her.

    she starts betting along with me. one on black. two on black. four on black, drink.

    she asks me where im from. i tip my cubs hat. she looks confused. i say the c is for canada.

    i think shes from japan, but her english is better than mine. id ask her, but im very shy and i dont wanna be racist. she has sparkly jewelry. i expect her big strong husband to arrive any minute but no one ever comes.

    she says, wanna get out of here?

    i say, whats better than this? free drinks, we’ve hit black like five times in a row, and theres a pretty girl who keeps bumping her knee against mine.

    she apologizes. more drinks come. i tip the waitress for both of ours. she was doing wine, now shes on to cosmos. if i wanted to get drunk id have ordered some shots for us but im still not entirely sure shes not a man.

    after a while she says, if you could do anything right now, what would it be?

    i say, what, it’s like 7pm? vegas. prettiest girl in this whole casino? tony pierce, fresh from canada with like 5-6 drinks in him? well, id see the new seth rogen movie.

    she says what movie is that?

    i say, “the night before.”

    she says the night before what?

    i say, i think its the night before Christmas. i think it’s a Christmas movie for adults.

    and she says, id love to see a Christmas movie for adults.

    and she did for about a half hour, and then she fell asleep on my shoulder.

    was probably a man.