1. Monday, November 9, 2015

    i’m not getting old but my back sure is 

    back exercises

    got one of those two way cameras for my uber so i can video the crazy ppl in the back seat and the crazier ones driving ahead of me.

    one of the things i had to do was hide the wires in the windshield and down along the door. i did this while i was at the Coin Laundry because im a multi tasking FOOL

    unfortunately when i was bending in the passenger side my back was all, yeah no. from time to time it tried to go out on me but i usually catch it. this time it tweaked and i had to get on my knees so as to not agitate it. its quite a look in a ghetto parking lot, lemme tell you.

    the xbi texted me “agent are you down?” i was all I DONT WORK FOR YOU! they were all, “we can send help, whats the problem?”

    for all i know theyre doing something to me so they can fix it and then i’ll magically love them forever. FAT CHANCE.

    the only people i love forever is my momma and the Cubs. maybe AC/DC. and the Nexus, who printed my FU UCSB Students Get It Together post this weekend.

    what was i yakking about? who knows. saw the first 10 minutes of the new james bond flick. why just the first 10 minutes?

    i was with a pretty girl. surprise! actually theres nothing but pretty girls in LA. and we were about to head into the theater and i said, look i know its not cool to say this but got damn girl you are looking incredible, can i just see whats doin? and she spun around for me real quick and i let it all soak in and hubba hubba.

    and she said, hey can we sit on the aisle so if i have to pee or if it sucks we can just, you know, leave.

    i said fine as you is, we can do whatever.

    so the movie starts and its incredible. james bond is shooting fools, hopping in a helicopter, fighting both the pilot and this other guy and below are all these mexicans in day of the dead makeup. its quite a scene. and one thing leads to another and BAM! then the opening credits. then 007 gets yelled at by his boss. JUST LIKE HOW THE XBI DOES ME. and i feel this tap on my shoulder and she says “ok lets split.” and i say now? it was 11 minutes into the film. and she winks at me.

    so we split. she says im hungry. i say ok. she says, lets go to mcdonalds. i say you know me so well. but i say, you’re a skinny little white girl, what do you eat at mcdonalds? she says “the ice cream cone.”

    and america, she ate that ice cream cone right in front of me.

    fixed my dumb back, thats for sure.