as you know, las vegas has always had, and will always have a very special place in my heart.
ive been visiting here for years and years starting before i was even born.
while in college i drove out here several times to experience Comdex back when personal computers were relatively new
(god im old)
and so as to see the Grateful Dead play with Steve Miller in one of the most spiritual concerts i’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing (and i wasnt even on any psychedelics).
i am here this time because my mom decided to have a family thanksgiving here, as she has never visited Sin City
so we went on a walkabout.
first we headed to Planet Hollywood because i figured it was your typical Vegas strip hotel and casino.
we walked through it real quick and then i told her about the strange shopping culture on the strip
how every huge casino also has a giant shopping center wrapped around it with food and stores and bars and stores and shops and boutiques and stores and stores and stores.
i told her that secretly the strip is the worlds largest mall which is why they let you drink freely
next door was Paris, one of my favorites, where, if you recall, ashley and i chilled some 14(!) years ago. i showed my mom the pastries and she said they often look better than they taste and i was all, well we should see if thats true. but we didnt. we had lunch plans.
we walked past the street performers and mom wasn’t at all pleased with the fake playboy bunnies and other scantily dressed women and i was all, everyone needs to get paid.
we took a free shuttle from Ballys to the Rio for the seafood buffet but it was too early for that so we took a Lyft to the Wynn and my mom loved that even more than Paris. she was blown away.
when she looked up she was all, hey it’s Colbert’s ceiling!
for some reason i didn’t know that there was a Jeff Koons just laying in the hall. but lo!
we stood in line for a minute at the Wynn buffet but the line didnt move and the lady told us it would be about a half hour before we were seated. theres two places i dont stand in line at: sxsw to see bands and vegas to eat. so we were headed out to catch another lyft to go back to paris when i saw this married couple at this asian restaurant at Encore.
my mom loves chinese food and even though i knew it was gonna cost some good money i asked her if she wanted to try out some Ramen. she had never had ramen served right so she said oui. i got the bigass bowl of pork ramen and mom got a nice plate of salt and pepper shrimp and we shared and she loved it.
the wynn/encore was all the glitz i think she was looking for in vegas. although she kept saying that it was nothing like what she was expecting, but i think thats cuz television and movies are full of terrible lies, unlike the world famous busblog where everything is true.
so i was all, ok we’ve seen the malls at planet hollywood, paris, ballys, the rio (where i won some money from the robot lady blackjack table) and the wynn/encore, lets go see the mall at caesars the place that started it all.
she was super amazed. she loved the “sky”, the street, and the fact that all of the luxury brands that she had read about were right there, next to each other: Louis V, Tiffany, Chanel, and on and on and on
another thing mom wasnt crazy about was all the daiquiri and margarita stands. or the fact that i had a beer in my hand the whole time. one after another. i was all, ma, las vegas is a celebration of freedom. you GET to gamble here, you GET to shoot machine guns in the desert, you GET to walk around a 10 mile long mall with a Miller Genuine Draft in your hand that you tipped the waitress $2 while you were at the tables. and if you are lonely, you GET to have a former stripper come to your room and make sex with you. the daiquiris are sweet symbolism of that freedom. if America was truly free, none of this would exist here because it would be commonplace. so we drink to forget that our real towns are horrible shells of what the founders intended. so drink up.
when we got home we got stared down by Babe who was ticked that we didnt get her a Shirley Temple.