nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, November 18, 2015

    how jlo could cure the syrian refugee debate 

    JLO in her green dressforeign terrorism makes some people very scared. more scared than the domestic gun epidemic where there is an average of one mass shooting here in the US a day.

    (because someone’s kid being shot by white supremest is different than someone’s kid being shot by an anti-american?)

    some are so scared that foreign terrorism might bleed into domestic terrorism that they are trying to stop president obama from allowing 10,000 syrian refugees.

    some of the frightened are GOP governors and presidential candidates who yesterday got dissed by the commander in chief, “These are the same folks oftentimes who suggest that they’re so tough that just talking to Putin or staring down ISIL, or using some additional rhetoric somehow is going to solve the problems out there,” President Obama said.

    “But apparently, they’re scared of widows and orphans coming into the United States of America as part of our tradition of compassion. First, they were worried about the press being too tough on them during debates. Now they’re worried about three-year-old orphans. That doesn’t sound very tough to me.”

    because i don’t like to see my parents fight, i have thought of a great way to split the baby, so to speak: Puerto Rico. the tropical island is a U.S. territory which is called home by over 3 million people.

    america’s sweetheart JLo is from NYC but her parents are from PR. america’s other sweetheart, Ricky Martin, was born there. my plan is to send the 10,000 refugees, many of whom, as the president said, are women and children, to the island and let them be safe there.

    Puerto Rico is poor. it would be the poorest state in our union if we allowed it to be a state. 77% of the people there make minimum wage ($7.25 an hour). weirdly enough, Syria is even poorer. the average person there makes $12 a DAY.

    if we placed these refugees in Puerto Rico their standard of living would immediately rise, they would be safe, and all of those in the home of the brave who were scared by them would be put at ease because part of my plan would be to let them stay in PR for five years before they were allowed to travel to other parts of the US.

    something tells me these women and children would not only be happy to agree to those terms, but they would enhance the island and make it even better than it currently is.

    perhaps JLo and Ricky could hold a concert there to welcome them and the net earnings would go to funding their living expenses.

    states who have surrendered


    de nada. 

  2. Tuesday, November 17, 2015

    the jingle jangle of a thousand lost souls 

    rev james brown

    last night i had a very pretty young lady over my house. how does this keep happening!?

    first she tried to woo me over to her house by claiming there was a jack in the box nearby. good try!

    but i countered by saying that i wanted to watch my favorite film of all time, The Blues Brothers at my crib.

    she said k, which is french for “i will leave my underwear at home.”

    so i picked her up, we drove over to my house and as we parked an Adam & the Ants tune came on and i told her about the time I met Adam while i was pumping gas in Century City back in the day. when it was over she asked omg how old are you?

    note to self: never tell a beautiful young lady that you met an ’80s star in the ’80s.

    we got to my house and did what a man and woman should do on a windy school night and when that was over i turned on my xBox and purchased the HD version of the blues brothers because – as mickey roarke said in Barfly “it’s just easier this way.”

    i could not sit down. the blues brothers does something to me. it fills me with the spirit. she had never seen the film before and i wondered what she thought when the Rev. Cleophus Brown (played perfectly by James Brown) delivered his sermon:

    And now, people… And now, people… When I woke up this mornin’, I heard a distubin’ sound. I said When I woke up this mornin’, I heard a disturbin’ sound! What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls! I’m talkin’ ’bout the souls of mortal men and women, departed from this life. Wait a minute! Those lost angry souls roamin’ unseen on the earth, seekin’ to find life they’ll not find, because it’s too late! Tooooo late, yeah! Too late for they’ll never see again the life they choose not to follow. Alright! Alright! Don’t be lost when your time comes! For the day of the Lord cometh as a thief in the night!

    when i turned around she was fast asleep.

    she had a smile on her face, but she was out.

    so i turned off the movie and since the xBox was on i dialed up NBA Jam and made the Beastie Boys play President and Hillary Clinton.

    i have the most fascinating life.

  3. Monday, November 16, 2015
  4. last night i saw “Spotlight” 

    Spotlight the Movie

    i was underwhelmed.

    it had gotten some good reviews. there were a few good performances.

    mark ruffalo was fantastic.

    the dude from Mad Men made me miss Mad Men.

    other than that there werent that many surprises because we all know what happened.

    i didnt think it was shot with much artistry.

    i may be its only current critic as it’s getting a whopping 98% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes

    id give it a b- or c+

    but the one really good thing about it is it shows how important long form investigative journalism is.

    newspapers continue to struggle, so i would be interested to see if television news rooms will pick up the slack and start delivering the type of scoops that newspapers have given us over the years.

    i hope so

  5. Sunday, November 15, 2015

    spike accepts his oscar and does the right thing 

    spike lee, wesley snipes, samuel jackson, denzel washington

    Brooklyn in the house! Last night the trailblazing director Spike Lee received an Honorary Academy Award for his unique and creative career which told a story about a vitally important part of the United States that very few before him showed on screen.

    At 17 minutes there’s a lot going on in here: how Spike got his first camera, what he did with it, how he was getting Ds in school before film found him and then his grades turned around, how important historically black colleges and education was/is to him and his family, how he changed the Teamsters, the importance of the selflessness of his grandmother, and current experiences with “diversity”.

    Then he looked Hollywood in the eye and spoke truth to power – something so few people do when they’re given the opportunity. Spike said, “this industry is so behind sports, it’s ridiculous. It’s easier to be president of the united states as a black person, than be the head of a studio… or head of a network.”

    Spike was wearing a special edition Jordan 6 air jordans which he told me were specially made just for him. “One of one” he said. “The Oscar Edition.”

    That too is mentioned early on. I think he was equally proud of those.

    Yes it’s the shoes, Mookie! The shooooooes!

    Many more videos and photos from the night are here

  6. Saturday, November 14, 2015

    notes for speaking to the cal state fullerton future 



    you won hear a lot of people say this, so listen closely.

    if you really want to be a writer. of any sort. professional. unprofessional. a journalist. or someone who can just write gud. you need to start writing every day. for real. life is short. write it down. especially if you want to get paid for it. write. write it down. i doesnt have to be public all the time like the world famous busblog. you can make private blogs. but write. every morning and every night. because it rhymes you know it’s true. write write write and see what happens to you.

    me and ev


    see this handsome man? no the other one. the one who looks like hes seen the future of breaking news and it scares him? thats ev. he and his buddies created Twitter. it is probably the first place that many of you heard about the paris attacks. Twitter breaks news faster and easier than any other platform. and it spreads like magic.

    Here are the interesting facts about Twitter in the newsroom: most of the veteran journalists either dont know how to use it, refuse to use it, or use it very poorly. that leaves room for young journalists to have a job in the newsroom. that first job is probably going to be doing tweets. the tweets that they will have you write will be boring, lame, and wont get many clicks. it will be your job to learn how to massage those tweets into being successful ones. practice at home. create new twitter handles, anonymous ones, based on something that you love. build an audience. tweet every day. learn tweetdeck, schedule tweets, and bring what you learn into the newsroom.



    im sorry your mom is on facebook. thats no excuse for your not to be on facebook. theres a treasure trove of news and ideas on there and the best thing you can do is block her, your high school friends, lunatics and trolls – block everyone who stops you from using it. because just like Twitter, as a young journalist, one of your roles will be to “update the facebook”. you have to learn how to use it as a profession. learn about facebook ads which are the easiest and cheapest way to target your stories to the people who will enjoy them the most. when you become proficient at facebook in targeting stories, you will show value at the paper.



    you dont have to be a great photographer to be good at instagram. but it helps if you are consistent, prolific, and you are fearless. instagram is another part of social that beat reporters and editors shy away from. which is insane. they are out there. no one could better capture the moment through photos than reporters yet how many great reporter instagram accounts are there. YOU BE THAT REPORTER.



    the most significant change to Snapchat this year was the Discover section and look at that, look how many of those are news organizations. who do you think are behind those buttons? do you think it’s someone who saw the 1984 Olympics on person? no, it’s young journalists and web producers who will get more eyeballs on a freaking Snapchat story in the Discover section than your paper’s #1 columnist on a Sunday. learn what it takes to produce these stories. create them on your own snap chat. show them to the editor during your interview. watch the seas part as they escort you to your new desk and tidy salary. YOU THINK IM LYING?



    shit will go down in the streets. people will rightly run from it. journalists will run toward it. and if it’s really going down you need to be Periscoping it. because Periscope runs off the backbone of Twitter, this is an excellent reason why you need to be building your Twitter followers — NOW.

    you want your audience to retweet the link to your Periscope when you are in the middle of the action reporting. this is also why you should always have a backup battery charger and cord with you at all times. a dying battery happens. but it is inexcusable for a digital journalist to have one. carry an external battery that can charge your phone 2x.

  7. Friday, November 13, 2015

    it’s been 47 days since Zulieka has posted on her blog 


    heres the problem with life: it’s fleeting.

    the older we get the faster it goes and then justlikethat it’s gone.

    did we learn anything? what was life like? all those things become folklore unless we, writers,

    which is all of us,

    write it down in as much detail or fiction as we can.

    today in paris, for example, future readers, terrorists went to a

    Eagles of Death Metal concert

    shot up the place and bombed it and a few other places

    suicide bombed, to be specific, and over 100 people died.

    on friday the 13th.

    same day beautiful zulieka, out in whereever she is decided, nope this isnt the day i write again.

    you know how many stories shes got?

    writes 20 times better than me, and always has this hint of sensuality about it.

    pariswho doesnt want that every damn day?

    bloggers need to be blogging the same way firemen need to pull up those big pants.

    we’re volunteer firemen, doing it for the people.

    and the people wave and thank us and bring us milk for some reason

    and buy our calendars at the Hallmark store in the mall.

    zulieka is everyones favorite fireman.

    she cant not do her thing.

    nobody can replace her.

    todays neil youngs birthday.

    the millennials, wheres their neil young? gen y didnt have any and the millennials give us none neither.

    sometimes the generations behind you cannot replace you and theres this terrible void

    write it down.

    it doesnt matter that no one is reading it or commenting or sharing it on facebook

    almost all of the best writers of olden times were losers

    but when that shit got to cable suddenly everyone loved it.

    who knows why? no one.

    it happened to pinkerton. at first everyone was all meh

    then a year later they were like omg.

    time takes time, ringo.

    but first you have to have something out there for time to do something with.

    but the good news is, the older we get the faster time goes.

    so make it baby, and put it out there.

  8. Leah and Lindsay partied with me last night, a photo essay 

    the beautiful and talented photographers from austin are here this weekend to work and have fun.

    yesterday they arrived and i treated them to some booze that had them forget everything.

    so this morning Leah asked me to text her all the photos from our night.

    heres what i sent.


    we had a rule that everyone had to drink two drinks at the same time, this was captured best here:


    we then went to 1 Oak and saw Beebs and then left for my house to play with my cats

    mom, we didnt do anything illegal

    we didnt do any blow

    we took pics in the kitchen and tried not to wake Jeanine in the living room


    then we went to the movies

    shia lebouff

    the end!

  9. Thursday, November 12, 2015

    every now and then i get suckered into being a keynote speaker 

    me in pajamas

    i say this repeatedly but no one believes me because i am a fantastic public speaker, but the truth is i do not like public speaking, i barely like private speaking. i prefer blogging, instant messaging, whispering, texting or Instagram private messaging. but my favorite of all is ESP, which i wish we could master but no one seems interested in.

    this weekend, it just dawned on me, i have to go to Orange County to speak to college kids about social media. i am NOT looking forward to it. but i was invited by a college professor who i admire greatly because she is doing the Lord’s work and i’d be a huge jerk if i said no. plus im freaking incredible when i rock the mic.

    reactionsthe last time i was in OC talking to the kids, it was for the california college journalism awards. i wore pajamas and a robe and told them that their music was terrible – which is something they probably couldnt affect – but they could do something about their journalism. one suggestion i made to them was to subscribe to the Los Angeles Times. i told them that a subscription costs less than three tanks of gas and if they were sincere about a job in journalism it should be a no brainer to omg have the paper delivered to their home so they can see what will be expected of them when they hit the big time.

    the reason i wore pajamas is because when i was in college and we went to the california college journalism awards, we from the Daily Nexus wore dresses. i told them i would have worn a super pretty dress, but the other thing i wanted to impress on them was the topic of Change. i told them that often as we grow up we are resistant to change and even journalists need to always be adjusting to the what is happening out there. so instead of a dress i wore pajamas.

    sure it was a little embarrassing and the robe made me sweat more than usual and it made me stand out (something i dont really like at all) but hopefully it proved a point: those who resist change are stupid poo poo heads who are probably in the way.

    did the kids like what i had to say? of course. i told you, im incredible when i tell it like it is. but if there was an earthquake saturday morning and the whole thing was canceled id breathe a sigh of relief. there are people here in LA who would die for attention. im not that person. every now and then i have something to say and i want some people to hear it, but im ok if it doesnt go viral. im ok if i never end up on tv. im fine if i never have to do a poetry reading or anything like that. let those who need that spotlight have it.

    i just want to whisper in your ear and the message is usually the same: im a fucking idiot and i pulled it off. you can too.

    maybe i’ll just wear underwear saturday.


  10. Wednesday, November 11, 2015