the xbi asked me what i wanted for christmas

marilyn and michael

i said a warhol of marilyn and one of michael

they said, thats impossible.

i said, do you know how little is impossible

we used to think flying to the moon was impossible

do you even know how wifi works?

sometimes beautiful women will follow you into your room

and pull your hands to their breasts and make out with you.


nothing is impossible.

there was an annoyingly long silence

and finally i just said


and clicked the end button on the dashboard.

i keep thinking about Jesus and wondering what he thinks about the USA

banksy christmas card

and how some politicians are all, no way man you can’t let foreigners into OUR COUNTRY

and how some of the people, many of them actually, are like HELL TO THE NO – STAY OUT FREAKS!

and they all run around high fiving each other while mumbling this n that about the gays and the blacks and

i wonder if Jesus is like, shit when i was down there it was bad, but youd think after two thousand years something woulda gotten better

Silver Lake got better, downtown, even the Cubs have all improved.

“why is it that the richest, smartest, most blessed nation on the whole globe is acting like a bunch of damn dummies?” Jesus is probs asking right now in between performing miracles while a harp plays in the distance.

free will, says the cherub.

they were always damn dummies, says another, giggling, and then farting out a lil rainbow.

these were the people i loved the most, Jesus whispers to himself, probs, sniffling from sadness

wondering if anything he ever said or did mattered or got listened to

number one best seller around the globe but did anyone really

get it?

did anyone in power ever say

Oooooooooooh we’re supposed to


to the poor and destitute and sick and dying and persecuted?

are you sure we arent supposed to heckle and renounce?

and the donkey in the clouds eats hay

and way far away

Jesus says the f word

and slams a door


i cant stop thinking about miss colombia

miss colombiaand how her life is ruined now and no one loves her any more

and no one wants to give her a job

and she’ll probably be deported out of colombia for being a loser

because second place is as bad as last place

and she’ll have to be a refugee in america

but no one likes refugees here any more and theyre gonna just blow up the statue of liberty because it has the nerve to say bring me your tired your poor your huddled masses yearning to be free

and your sorta hot beauty queens who got mistaken as miss universes yearning to bring peace to the world

all of her business cards now have to be re-done to say First Runner Up

i mean every school kid knows all the names of all the miss universes, but does any one even remember the name of one first runner up? seriously. they dont even test for that. thats not even extra credit. thats not even a bonus round. thats not even in Jeopardy because not only is it impossible but no one cares: Name ANY first runner up for Miss Universe?

Ken Jennings wouldnt even be able to do that. but i told her, it’s ok Miss Colombia, now someone can say you, Miss Colombia, you are the first first runner up that someone can name. she said really? i said, yes of course. really! and she was so happy to hear it that she got even newer business cards that now read.

the first First Runner Up that you can name.

and once again the world famous busblog

is right there for yr ass