the clock says it’s time to go… now…

lemmyi’m doing this new thing to motivate myself away from the computer during this Christmas vacation.

when i wake up i take the charger off the macbook and when the battery runs out it’s time to go outside and see what LA has to offer.

right now it’s at 10% but it’s draining fast because i have a video of Los Lobos playing with Jerry Garcia in the background. a little tune you may have heard “La Bamba”  in 86.

there was a time when i would wake up early and uber all day and all night. those days are over. i pick and choose.

my hands and arms were in such pain this year that i had to buy all these lotions and salves. none of it worked. i sacrificed a goat (its always the goats). didnt work. then i tried driving less. that didnt work.

i tried heavy breathing, extra tacos, sex with women(!), positive thinking. nothing.

and then i threw money at the problem: i bought a variety of compression gloves and arm sleeves and holy cow it worked and my hands and arms are better than ever.

but i never want to abuse them again because theyre my money maker. theyre whats letting me tell you right now that i love you. theyre whats letting me tell you that we’re already at 6 per cent with a bullet. theyre what lets me wipe the poop from my crack after i take a dump. imagine you couldnt do that. imagine you needed to make a robot to do that for you.

but how you gonna build a poop cleaning robot when you aint got no hands or arms that work because you drove all night like springsteen

through the wind, through the rain,

the snow, the wind,

the rain

hearrrrrrt and soul

no robot poop machines gonna do nothing for you the way i can.

even with one hand writhing in pain,

like what most of 15 was for me.

but thats all in the rear view now.

3 per cent

holy cow.

when i was in high school, i totally wanted a girlfriend

when i was in college, i totally wanted lots of girlfriends

when i got out of college, i totally wanted a company car.

when i got a company car, i wanted a new company car.

when i got a new company car, i wanted my own business.

when i got my own business, i wanted an employee to do the things i didnt wanna do.

when i got an employee, i got bored and moved away.

when i moved away i started getting more money than ever before.

when i got more money than ever before, i bought the most ridiculous things, sometimes i wouldnt even open the boxes that they came in for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks.

now i dont know what i want any more.

im not sure i even want a bikini girl to pour me a beer in a boot and serve it to me while i waterski barefooted.

actually i am sure.

i just want a cold beer, served out of a plastic cup, in the bleachers of wrigley field.

bikini girl optional.