the rain it comes down LA can barely believe it

love your hairit’s the winter. it’s when the LA winter rain should arrive, but like your girlfriends period no one believes it till: hi.

it’s tinkling on our rooftops like the selfish friend who has been instructed by his mom to share his m&ms so it’s like ok you can have one and you can have one and you can have one

and we’re all, but you have like ten 2 pound bags Wally wtf.

we need the rain so bad we try not to even talk about it, but how cant you. theyre putting artificial turf in some yards of expensive homes. and thats fine but talk about living in the Jetsons.

whens my robot gonna give me a thai massage?

speaking of, saw a college kid cross the street by USC in one of those hoverboards and all i could think to myself was, asswipe get a skateboard.

pretty girl wrote me the other day and said lets go to a sex party. i was all, with a body like mine, i wouldnt want to make the other fellas feel bad about themselves. she said come on, youd love it.

and i said i love it when a pretty girl slightly opens her legs when i put my hand on her denim skirt.

im so easily pleased im excited listening to this rain bukakke all over my thirsty city.

so get off my astroturf.