1. Thursday, February 4, 2016

    well i procrastinated again last night 

    rolling stone kanyei didn’t reinvent the wheel AGAIN as i planned to.

    i have this weird love hate thing with making super great things. i get nervous. lightning will strike, i assume.

    sometimes it does.

    when i was in college i would tune in to the radio station of inspiration and LO great stuff would flow right into me.

    it wasnt me. it was something Else. something better. something smarter. something cooler. something with a better way with words than 20 yr old tony.

    and it frightened me like if one was working the Ouiji board and it started spelling out words youd never heard of so you write it down and then you realize the message is being told in french and backwards.

    and you think: i barely know French, let alone backwards french.

    so i laid off tuning in that channel for a while. but the problem is sometimes you wanna hear what that stations playing because it IS beautiful music after all. but it’s hard to find it. its like not where its always supposed to be. and it takes longer to get there, but when youre there omg youre there alright. but then before you know it it’s over. so hopefully youve gathered all the manna you can because it aint probably gonna be there tomorrow.

    so thats i think what the problem is about writing this thing down. i know its great. i know its a win win for all parties. its just whats really gonna happen when it happens. so not only is the creation an energy sucking spiritual emotional journey but then youve gotta deal with the aftermath.

    the whole thing makes me not wanna do it. but the weirdness is i dont think anyones gonna do it unless i do it. and if someone did it theyd make a crappy version of it. and mine will be coming from a place of love and theres will be from a place of greed. how do i know this? because everything else theyve made has come from greed which is why theyre not even thinking about this petrified forest of love.

    i gotta think like kanye: just produce, just create, put on some funny pants, and create more. dont think so much.