1. Sunday, March 20, 2016

    after the concert i was too pumped up to go to sleep 

    kyle schwarber mitt

    so at 1am i got back on the road.

    i had already hit the 75 trip bonus level, but i was worried about my acceptance rate,

    so i didnt mind doing a few more uber x rides, as long as no one puked.

    got the four most beautiful asian girls ive ever seen in my life.

    angels or demons, hard to tell but they laughed as i tried to pronounce the korean club they were going to

    “is there a model convention going on right now?” i asked and they laughed more.

    one of the three in the back said, “we’re not a model but sunny is.” and the girl next to me smiled.

    she wasnt kidding.

    not only was she dressed immaculately but she had this glow – and she was so nice

    they were all so nice.

    after dropping them off i got an asian dude. he too was super nice, complementing my car.

    “benz is for the passenger but bmw is for driver. bmw fast. responsive. quick. mercedes feels like pillows. sturdy but soft. i feel very good back here.”

    then he went on to tell me about how he has a series three bmw and he enjoys drinking and driving with his many girlfriends.

    i told him that i was judging him in my heart.

    he argued that it wasnt his fault, that all of his girlfriends were jealous types and wanted him near them at all times.

    i said, it is tough to be a man sometimes, but we must also be

    gentle

    men, and step one of that is to

    earn enough money that when it is time to call an uber, an uber is called.

    aint nothing easier at shutting down a braggart than suggesting he acts a fool because hes broke.

    but alas, this young man was also drunk. not dangerously so, but, indeed…

    he went on to tell me that one of his three is european but american and he is considering marrying her

    because he is not an american, and he desires citizenship. in the usa.

    i said, well for sure you shouldnt drink and drive because that might keep you from being able to live here

    the law hates drunk drivers, especially youngins driving expensive imports.

    and the gentleman said

    you are probably the smartest uber driver ive ever had.

    and i said

    duhhhhhhhhh