nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, March 25, 2016

    last night i picked up a long time busblog reader 

    todd francisi was minding my own business, circling the big buildings around century city, wondering if it was even worth it any more now that the century plaza will be closed for several years as they renovate

    and i got a ping from one of the towers near CAA.

    nice guy climbs in wants to go to western and wilshire. fine with me.

    as we get going it’s obvious hes a lawyer: super smart, great vocabulary, well versed. he tells me he used to work at the LA Times in the 80s. i tell him i used to work there too, but more recently.

    eventually he says, wait, i know you. how dumb! youre tony pierce!

    i was all, yep!

    he said, i should have known from the license plate!

    i was all, ha!

    he said, the busblog is groundbreaking. i remember you wrote once about the girl who got away. i printed it out.

    i was like they all got away. which one?

    we drove down wilshire trying to remember and he complimented me more. then said how about we go to union station.

    so we blow past the wiltern and keep moving.

    great convo continues and he’s telling me about the history of modern banking, obama’s flaws, printing presses, and he says lets go to Pasadena. so we go.

    i tell people all the time that they should be blogging. it doesnt even have to be about their real lives. it could be about anything. but they have stories. You have stories. tales that wont get you fired.

    i promise you.

    and you never know, one day when you least expect it someone might say they remember you and something you wrote is on their wall or in a folder or tattoed onto their arm.

    or best of all, in their heart.

  2. Thursday, March 24, 2016

    Jian Gets Off 

    Jian Ghomeshi

    there will be a day when women who are sexually abused will find justice

    that day is not today, not even in beautiful Canada,

    Jian Ghomeshi

    i did not follow the Jian Ghomeshi case closely because here in the USA it was not big news. even today, the day of the verdict, it’s not on tv. but from what i have read, he admitted he punched and choked women but the judge did not believe the women’s testimony.

    because of stats like the ones above, which are sadly quite similar here in the States, many women don’t even press charges because they know they’ll face judges like the one today who said basically “BS, youre lying.

    two things will cause change: women video documenting Everything and/or women carrying weapons.

    justice would be easier, but it seems impossible right now. tragically.

  3. Wednesday, March 23, 2016
  4. today is Liana’s birthday, shes 24 

    lianaLiana was born in havana cuba and moved to north carolina when it became obvious that america needed her.

    we met when i was just starting this blog and she insulted me and gave me dirty looks and delivered zero signals that she thought i was anything other than an annoying piece of dirt

    i believe one day i was trying to AOL instant message her and she told me she had just read this very blog

    i think she said, you are a bag of garbage with a hole in the bottom

    and as it’s dragged down the street theres a trail of gunk that is left behind

    the busblog is that trail.

    i instantly fell in love with her


    i asked her out over and over and she said no no no.

    she made fun of my clothes, my hair, my lack of a car, everything.

    but she kept reading this blog which back then did have a magic power.

    eventually she gave in and allowed me to take her to a movie, i think. it was so long ago. who knows.

    once i invite her to my place. she sat on one side of the couch and wrapped herself in a blanket and wouldnt let me come anywhere near her.

    it was the funniest thing id ever seen.

    we had many fun times after that and i miss seeing her all the time. but now shes a wife and mom and she has bigger fish to fry than to make me LOL in all her different ways.

    but today she turns 24 which is a big deal, so i brushed up on my Cuban, so here goes

    bonne anniverarrie, bella chica!

  5. Tuesday, March 22, 2016

    the most interesting mayor in the americas has died 

    rob ford

    just as hateable as he was lovable rob ford is no longer smoking crack, drinking beers, or embarrassing our friends the Canadians

    cancer got him and got him quick. he’s dead. life is short and if you do it right you will be remembered with a smile on yr face.

    i didn’t know much about Ford’s politics, but i am told i would have not agreed with it. thats fine.

    he was still a passionate, fascinating character whose accent was as thick as his waistline.

    i appreciated that he was a man of the people. i appreciated that he was passionate about Toronto.

    i appreciated that he told the press the truth – after he lied a little.

    im more sad that he’s dead than lots of politicians who have recently died.

    maybe because he reminded me of Chris Farley mixed with a fatter Chris Farley.

    Canada should never be ashamed of their most interesting mayor, we know he wasnt Canada.

    he was the Canadian guy who couldnt ice skate who for some reason ran out onto the ice with dress shoes.

    and now he’s dead.


  6. Monday, March 21, 2016

    anna doesnt call me a lot but when she does its cuz she knows im sad 

    annatoday at lunch she called but i didnt pick up. why do girls like the phone so much?!

    i was sad because i was promised that if i did something and worked hard for it then id get it.

    i didnt get it.

    they said i was one percentage point away from getting it.

    i had asked all week, am i close, what do i have to do, whats going on, did i make it?

    but they waited until lunch today to tell me that i was close but no cigar.

    they said you must be disappointed but dont fret we have more of these coming.

    i said

    then i said

    then i was all

    then i was like

    in the olden days id write and write and complain and bang on the desk and knock over the bats and run into the dugout and throw the helmets onto the field and go to each of the bases and throw them into the outfield

    and kick the dirt on the umpire

    and call him and his dead relatives names

    and run to the outfield and climb the fence and run up the bleachers and run into the scoreboard and climb to the top of the clock

    and swan dive down into the street

    and die.

    but thats kids stuff. im an adult now.

    which means i dont make messes on the streets.

    i get justice in court.

  7. do you know i love you, i do 

    obama trumpi also love that Obama is having a nice victory lap. he deserves it. no one thought that he could do the things he’s done.

    in fact when he won the first time i thought, they just let him win because they didnt wanna clean up the mess that W left him.

    but he did clean it up. by himself. and he didn’t even make it look tough. the GOP did their best to obstruct him but he just smiled and said pick a card any card.

    and they said we’re not playing this stupid game

    he said why not.

    they said because if you guess the card you look like Cool Obama always picking the right cards and we look like Dumb Old Sticks In The Muds

    he said, cut the pack then.

    they said no. because if we cut the pack then you will do something amazing and we’ll look like Dumb Old Bumps on a Log.

    and President Obama said, we are all in this together. i ALREADY won the presidency. you’ll never be able to impeach me and i’m not gonna quit, so, you know, if you work With me, it will look like we are both doing this magic and you can add it to the reasons people should re-elect you, because you

    actually helped the people who voted for you

    and they thought about it for a minute and said, no, we will not pick a card, we will not cut the deck

    then Obama said, thats ok, i understand, i mean im just a half white half black man from kenya who


    i said im half black and half white


    he said, oh that, well i actually wrote it down on a card, pick one and it’ll be written on it.


    you’ll see when you pick it, the president said and they leapt at the deck

    they took a card, it was the Ace of Spades

    they frowned and threw it on the ground

    of course it landed face up and read:

    <3 Hawaii In Da House <3

  8. Sunday, March 20, 2016

    after the concert i was too pumped up to go to sleep 

    kyle schwarber mitt

    so at 1am i got back on the road.

    i had already hit the 75 trip bonus level, but i was worried about my acceptance rate,

    so i didnt mind doing a few more uber x rides, as long as no one puked.

    got the four most beautiful asian girls ive ever seen in my life.

    angels or demons, hard to tell but they laughed as i tried to pronounce the korean club they were going to

    “is there a model convention going on right now?” i asked and they laughed more.

    one of the three in the back said, “we’re not a model but sunny is.” and the girl next to me smiled.

    she wasnt kidding.

    not only was she dressed immaculately but she had this glow – and she was so nice

    they were all so nice.

    after dropping them off i got an asian dude. he too was super nice, complementing my car.

    “benz is for the passenger but bmw is for driver. bmw fast. responsive. quick. mercedes feels like pillows. sturdy but soft. i feel very good back here.”

    then he went on to tell me about how he has a series three bmw and he enjoys drinking and driving with his many girlfriends.

    i told him that i was judging him in my heart.

    he argued that it wasnt his fault, that all of his girlfriends were jealous types and wanted him near them at all times.

    i said, it is tough to be a man sometimes, but we must also be


    men, and step one of that is to

    earn enough money that when it is time to call an uber, an uber is called.

    aint nothing easier at shutting down a braggart than suggesting he acts a fool because hes broke.

    but alas, this young man was also drunk. not dangerously so, but, indeed…

    he went on to tell me that one of his three is european but american and he is considering marrying her

    because he is not an american, and he desires citizenship. in the usa.

    i said, well for sure you shouldnt drink and drive because that might keep you from being able to live here

    the law hates drunk drivers, especially youngins driving expensive imports.

    and the gentleman said

    you are probably the smartest uber driver ive ever had.

    and i said


  9. dear rock n roll diary 

    me and greg at the sports arena

    first of all im sorry i put even an imagined quota on you. for some reason i still believe quantity is quality

    but after seen bruuuuuuce last night i realized quality is quality.

    if you have enough songs for a double album make a damn double album

    if all you have is enough for Born to Run, then make Born to Run.

    sure it would be great if i could blog here three times a day like how i used to

    but that was 15 years ago. lifes different. i have a job i like. two sorta.

    i might not be able to write even two a day.

    but i promise i’ll write every day and it’ll be right from my heart.

    one hit at a time.

  10. sometimes life surprises you and it’s super nice 

    valettoday i woke up early because i had to do two fantasy drafts

    but they both got moved and now i dont know what to do

    other than think about the last two days which were not at all the way i thought theyd be

    i went hiking yesterday with one of my neighbors who i didnt really know except i really liked her voice

    and i liked that she walked one of her cats with a leash.

    we went hiking and shes in really good shape because she runs and i am in really bad shape

    because i eat ding dongs and pop and drive in a car when im not sitting at a desk

    she at cups of protein before our hike and i ate a bag of chips and drank flat coke

    she told me some things that i cant repeat on television and answered all of my followup questions which

    quickly stopped once i tried to make it up the second tough hill

    and i nearly died on the third tough hill

    and almost died again on the steps

    im so out of shape if i did die i dont know if i could walk all the way up the stairway to heaven.

    i had to sit down a few times

    i had to fake myself out a few times

    i had to convince my legs that the ground was rubber and wanted to get stepped on as i climbed the hill

    i had to not look at people

    just the ground.

    i wanted to tell her how impressed i was with her and how im not really this super out of shape old man, that really im 17 and can run to the grocery store and back without stopping

    but i was out of breath and all i could say is

    lets do this again

    and she was all eh