1. Friday, April 1, 2016

    today drew barrymore became a single mom 

    drew barrymoremy mom is a single mom so i understand how hard it can be

    youve gotta be the mom, dad, police chief, priest, fireman, referee, cook, maid, role model, authority figure, saint, provider, and shoulder to cry on.

    it’s a lot.

    im sure its gonna be different for drew than for my mom but it’ll still be hard.

    which is why i volunteer as tribute to be her new man.

    have i loved her forever? pretty much.

    would i make a great dad? next question please.

    would i ever cheat on her or make her mad or even fight with her? never.

    would i take the kids to their sporting events and ballet and acting classes and karate classes and tennis lessons and jet pack lessons and Color Me Mine classes? duh, im an uber driver, i do all that crap now.

    would i demand that she take my name? As smoothly as Drew I. LaVista rolls off the tongue, no. She’s still got a brand to uphold.

    would i suggest a hyphen? i dont like hyphens unless youre latin.

    would i change my name to Tony Barrymore?

    i would do anything that Drew wishes.

    even though that sounds like a porno gangster guy from Vegas by way of Chicago.

    will i pray for her tonight that she isn’t despondent and completely heartbroken?

    yes. def. of course. duh.