i dont think i would have made a good parent because every now and then i end up making
agreements with people.
like i’ll say something like, fine you can do this, or i will give you that
but youve gotta do THIS ONE THING ONCE A WEEK
and after that doesnt come true i’ll say fine you’ve gotta do this one thing TWICE A WEEK
and that new negotiation is agreed to but then they dont do it and the first thing i do is get angry
because who am i to be fucking with? arent i a nice person? arent i being nice? am i just some asswipe? didnt you agree? if you didnt want to agree didnt you think you could say no, how about i do this other thing?
so when there is just ONE thing that i want, something i get zero benefit from, something that is beneficial pretty much only to that other person, and the agreement is not fulfilled, i get angry because i feel dumb i feel disrespected and i feel not useful in life.
i want to be an aid to mankind, someone who helped others, not someone who was insignificant that life woulda been exactly the same if i didnt exist. for sure i dont want to be dissed. but i feel dissed from time to time and maybe i shouldnt take these things personally but i do and everyone knows i do. if you see me get pissed off once that should clue you in. but how about you see me get pissed like five times. and then you still diss me? what is this a f u tony game? lets do the one thing we know will tick him off the most. something that will turn mr mellow into mr the opposite of mellow? simply because — who knows why?
i do not want to get to the point where i have to put my foot down in a dramatic way. i am the opposite of drama. i am mr chill. i am mr peace love rock n roll. i am mr jesus walked on the water. i am mr lets all try to do the right thing. which is why if i set up something im gonna set up something thats super easy to pull off. i want everyone to win. but most importantly i want you to win. then i win. but when ppl dont even fucking try and when they know what it does to my heart and when they know it turns me into the incredible hulk filled with rage thats when i say
if this agreement is not fulfilled one more time, i pity the fools.