when im not volunteering at the soup kitchen

anna kournikovasexting anna or fighting crime for the xbi

i’m doing my best to be a great son.

so every mothers day i send my mom flowers and a note and she always takes a picture of the bouquet and regardless of its condition she always says

soooo beautiful!

whats weird is it’s very difficult for florists in chicago to actually put together a truly beautiful arrangement and deliver it to my mom so every year i try a different place.

last year i was satisfied. the place got these great tulips together and got them to the crib and all was good in the hood.

so this year i ordered with plenty of time and the delivery fee was fine and the price was right but

in my mind

they said they had to deliver it on Thursday before Mother’s Day which didn’t bother me. because as long as it’s early thats cool.

so i called my mom yesterday and i said how are the flowers

she said, there were no flowers.

and i nearly crashed the helicopter.

was all Siri, what the fuck

and Siri was like, bro the flowers wont be there until Tuesday

i was all, Tuesday? Why Tuesday? and Siri said because thats when you set the order for n word. and i rewinded my memory but it didn’t go that far back and im telling you, i might be losing my mind. in the history of me being my mothers son ive never snet her a Mothers Day gift late, why would i Schedule something to be late?

it gets worse.

my mom was all, i know i told you you didnt have to send anything, but i was on my way to the hairdresser and it was Saturday and you hadnt sent anything and I saw an Amazon truck and sometimes you send me weird things and I had never even seen an Amazon truck before so i turned around and asked the man

is there something in there for me?

and he said, no.

worst son in the entire planet!

but because shes the greatest mom in the world she said, dont worry you can make it up to me when you come out here in the fall.

i said i can?

she said yeah, just get me some Cubs tickets and buy the first few rounds of beers.

which is 100% true. and why i love her so. and why anna has such a hard time getting me to commit.

do you know some people actually pretend to get uptight about words?

old chella

they waste their time trying to look good, but they fail.

and worse, they never get to any real issue. let’s say someone uses a word that you’d never hear Tom Brokaw use.

instead of trying to figure out if that word triggers something to themselves, they do the most obvious thing

they say, “that word should not be acceptable for use.”

which makes me say, “the concept that some words should not be acceptable to use is fucked up”

and then we devolve into a bunch of monkeys barking at each other.

words in the hands of people not being 100% honest are far more dangerous than

words in the hands of people trying to make an actual point.

do we all pretend a little as we go through our day?

how are you? FINE

how was your weekend? GOOD

sure, but none of that adds to the real conversations of our lives.

while i’m not surprised that some people are stuck in the boring motions of automatic responses and faux outraged,

it does become tiresome after awhile.

what i am encouraged by is things like DesertTrip.com, a concert of six incredible artists from the 60s

who DID NOT say fine when they got to rock the mic

they said and sang things that were uncomfortable, controversial, and real.

and now they have found a way to charge a pretty penny to say it

and people are gobbling it up.

rock on, my niggas