they were loud, there were too many of them, they were late



they took all my water, they pouted when i said i didnt have an AUX cord

they lied about their age

the one next to me said she was going to UCSB, i asked which dorm are you in

she said 3B

they refused to tell me who they were voting for

when i passed by Loyola Marymount High i said, hey isn’t that the school that teacher was accused of sex crimes?

they said no no no thats Marlborough get your facts straight!

they said they were going to a white party

i said that sounds racist

they said no its because there will be a black light there and the white shows up better

i said that still sounds racist

they asked for gum

they said tell us everything about you.

i said im old enough to be your granddad.

they said noooo you look 30.

i said drake is 30, are you saying i look like drake?

for once they were quiet.

they left the bottles in the back of the car like it was the garbage

they begged me to add and tag them on instagram

and then they unfriended me after i did.

i miss them all.

i’m still against it

dog in car


My problem is some humans are insane when it comes to their relationship with animals, particularly when it comes to automobiles. They HAVE to have Fluffy with them! They ride shot gun, their heads sticking out the window, and worse sometimes they’re on their laps with the dog’s head out the driver’s window.

Then there’s these people, who refuse to go anywhere without bringing their dog. Leave the dog at home. That’s clearly a sign that’s been used a bunch of times. A normal practice for this person is to go somewhere and put their pet in a car and idle the car with the AC on. Global Warming is happening but at least her pooch is nearby listening to Die Antwoord.

I have yet to see a dog who looks thrilled to be locked up in a car. And I have yet to have heard of a human who dropped dead because they couldn’t run to the nail salon without bringing their animal.

It may be technically lawful, but it shouldn’t be.