did i deserve it? probably. you cant yell at your boss apparently. even if he deserves it.
was i great at my job? i was incredible.
when it happened i was actually shocked so i went home in a daze and put together this blog post to sorta remind myself what i had done there in such a short period of time.
sadly now the links are broken because buzznet not only doesnt exist but the people who bought the people who bought the people arent like me and dont appreciate the necessity of keeping links working so you’ll just have to use your imagination i guess (or the wayback machine).
regardless i did a lot but i wasnt happy. i was getting sick all the time and throwing up blood almost every day near the end. why? because i was so stressed, more stressed than id ever been in my life. why? because even when i was successful, even when i hit the outrageous goal that one of the co-founders set up for me, he would get angry and disappointed that i didnt fail.
my whole life was about hitting goals because the love of my life, the chicago cubs, could never hit goals. so i had made it my mission to never fail like they had. therefore when i did what was asked of me i expected: rewards, glory, positive feedback, celebrations, smiles, pats on the backs, etc. but i got the opposite.
so i vomited blood.
i went to the doctor and he said dude youre not sick you’re in a terrible situation and your body is telling you to get the fuck out. i said doc youre the greatest. he said “yes yes i am. then he said, any time you talk about blogging you light up, and i dont even know what youre talking about but i light up. i dont know if theres any money in this blogging but you should seek it out.”
and because God is beautiful and life is weird, soon after writing the blog post laying out all the things i did at buzznet i got an email which led to another email which led to me running LAist and getting paid to blog. which a year and a half later led to me running all the blogs at the Times.
so the lesson of this bittersweet anniversary is a) listen to your body b) listen to your doctor c) if youre in a bad gig get the f out and d) there really is light at the end of the tunnel, dont be afraid of it, there is someone somewhere who will appreciate what you have to offer: run to them. now. NOW.