tony, why bother having sex?

Juliette and the licksBecky with the good hair asks:

What is the purpose of sex? Be brutally honest and please leave LOVE and procreation out of your answer! I’m talking about the physical act of sex; I’m just going to assume you love every single woman you’ve ever boinked *eye roll* Why bother having sex? Is it a) to get yourself off; b) to get your partner off or c) to get yourself off, thereby getting your partner off? Please don’t tell me what you think sexy babes want to hear or risk ruining any shot you might have boinking them!

every once in a while you’ll meet someone who magically clicks with you

you dont have to think about what to do, you dont have to worry about what youre saying, everything is perfect

its like all of a sudden you know how to swim

or youre fluent in italian

everything she does is bella and for some bizarre reason everything youre doing she loves.

there have been three women in my life where every single time

it was the most wonderful


it didnt matter what our emotions were going into it or where we were or what time of day or night it was

it didnt matter what we were wearing or how much we had to drink

it was the most beautiful movie or book or dance marathon, but deeper.

to me it was the clearest proof of the existence of a soul.

its not something you know is going to happen

or who can deliver it

it’s a blessing.

pure luck.

a unicorn.

it doesnt exist except for every time

and each time feels like a dream.

thats why.

tony, how are we supposed to feel about the new Cubs closer Aroldis Chapman?

chapman getting grilled

tony, besides being ridiculously handsome, and strong, and funny, and talented and wise beyond your years, you know a lot about baseball, particularly about the Cubs, who just traded away their #1 minor league prospect and two other minor leaguers for Aroldis Chapman.

Chapman is a unicorn in baseball, a tall, strong, lefthanded hurler whose fastball has been clocked as one of the fastest in baseball history

of the last 61 fastest pitches recorded over the last two years, how many do you think Chapman threw?

all 61, tony. ALL 61.

but because nothing comes easy for the Cubs, their signing came with a catch. two of them actually. the first is easy, his contract ends at the end of this year, meaning he could fly away to another team at the end of this season and the Cubs would have merely “rented” him for this home stretch. 

but the second isn’t so easy. he comes with baggage. Aroldis Chapman was accused by his girlfriend of choking her. he denies it and she never went forward to charge him. but he also admitted to and was later suspended by Major League Baseball for firing his pistol at trashcans inside his garage, alone, after a dispute with his girlfriend (who was inside the house at the time). the police came out but nothing ever was made of it.

until now that he is in Chicago. some within the Friendly Confines say this “taints” the feel good squad that includes the bromance of Anthony Rizzo and Kris Bryant (and his dreamy eyes).

what say you? how do you feel that someone accused of being a girlfriend beater is on your favorite team?

Curious But Skeptical

well thats an odd way of framing it, but I’ll bite.

the last time i checked we still live in the United States of America where not only are you innocent until proven guilty but once you are formally accused you have the right to Due Process, meaning you go to court, and all the evidence comes out and a jury decides whats what.

the interesting thing about court cases is they sometimes bring about omg facts that were missing in the original account of the alleged crime.

if you think i am being soft on Chapman because he is a Cub and is probably the missing ingredient for my beloved Cubs finally winning the World Series, you would be way off.

i was raised in a house of three people: my mom and my sister. if i found out that any man, including a left handed closer with a 105 MPH heater laid hands on either of them I would probably murder the man. on Periscope.

likewise I think condemning someone without Due Process is also evil. we have a process. it hurts me that more battered women do not always participate in that process, and i do understand why they dont, but we do not have a justice system of “Fuck It He PROBABLY DID IT”. other civilizations have that one and it’s a way bigger nightmare than ours.

because this is a sensitive situation and we do have SOME evidence, let’s review it and see what we can see.

Less than a year ago cops came to Chapman’s home in Florida. Lots of people were at his house including his girlfriend and her brother.

she said

When police got there the girlfriend said that she FOUND SOMETHING ON HIS PHONE that they started arguing about

he retrieved the phone and walked to another part of the house. she followed him, still arguing — all of this is her testimony.

finally he pushes her against the wall and her brother separates them.

she runs off, hears one gunshot.

ok from that account is that domestic abuse? domestic violence? or something a little less horrible?

luckily we have his take too

he said

he agrees that they were arguing about his cell phone and its contents.

he says he poked her pinched her and she dramatically fell to the ground and started yelling, which prompted the brother to come in and push Him to the ground.

Chapman got up and wanted to drive away but his friends wouldnt let him leave.

so in the passenger seat, he grabs a gun, locked himself in the garage and starts shooting inside in the garage.

his friends lock him in his room and the cops came.

things he’s guilty of:

you should never put your hands on a woman

you should never have things on your phone that your girlfriend is gonna get pissed at

you should never own a gun in florida because those are known to go off – especially during heated arguments

why are you shooting at things in your garage? bullets ricochet!

things he is not guilty of:

when we think of domestic abuse, none of what was written in the police report rises to the level of domestic violence.

unlike me, Cubs President Theo Epstein is a genius and cares just as much about Team Chemistry as speed of a fastball.

i seriously don’t think that with all of the talent that the Cubs have to trade for a strong arm that Theo would have traded for Chapman if he thought a) Chapman could actually become a domestic abuser b) thought Champan ever did anything illegal or immoral to his girlfriend or c) is emotionally unstable

Indeed here is what the young man said yesterday about his girlfriend, who STILL is his girlfriend and who still lives with him


so enjoy this team and enjoy the Cubs march to many years of triumph.


tony, how do you feel about ppl who delete tweets and blogs?

smoke monster

i have known people who were chronic Deleters.

while on one hand it’s perfectly fine to change one’s mind, on the other hand its a foolish attempt at control.

you don’t control anything when you delete things on the web. it’s a web, what you put out there sticks. people screenshot it, people cache it. the web caches it.

but most importantly people remember.

and deleting things helps them remember because it brings more attention to it.

i loved a girl a while ago who started blogs, twitter accounts, facebooks, and would regularly delete them. turned out she was bipolar and refused to treat her condition.

it also turned out she was not being totally honest with the people in her life and her digital footprint often outted her for being less than truthful with some who trusted her.

from that experience i concluded several things, top of which was people who chronically delete things should probably seek professional help because their vain attempt at control is a symptom of something much deeper rooted in mental health.

the good news is these things can be treated.

the bad news is the catch 22: most people with mental health issues don’t realize the depths of their own illness and will fight against the very treatment they would benefit from.

so the best we can do is pray for them and constantly nudge them in the right direction.

sometimes it does truly take a village. so if you care about the village, do your part and nudge your loved ones.