the best part of ubering people is you learn


picked up two saudi moms near rodeo drive. we passed a tiny park next to the montage hotel. the park was packed with people. it was 7pm but still super sunny because its summer.

the two ladies exchanged some words to each other in arabic and laughed. i said, i think it’s a free jazz concert. they said, no it’s an arab meet up. one of the women told me that everyone gets dressed up and “casually” meets at the park and gets to know each other and they talk about all of their homes and cars and great schools their kids are going to and they show off their jewelry.

the other woman told me that they both like to wear more subtle clothes and not try to be show offs.

i said, ive been keeping it real my whole life. ignore the shiny benz. they laughed and told me how funny i was.

i said and? and?

they paused, not understanding.

i said, and handsome…?

they laughed.

one of them got a phone call. two of her kids were fighting and the nanny was calling for advice. the advice was separate them, make them each read a book. they will be talked to when she returns.

shiny porcheit was super intense and clear and i would be a little scared while reading my dumb book waiting for my mom to come home.

the other lady continued saying how much she loves Americans. how nice we are. how helpful we are.

it made me feel so guilty harboring all these bad 9/11 feelings.

weirdly she was comparing us to the french. apparently they have a summer pad in the south of france and they demand that everyone speaks french even though they know english and they are not at all welcoming.

i said, sounds like my inlaws. hey now!

miles davis was playing on the radio because thats what i drive on the expensive platform.

we made a stop at a fancy wilshire condo skyscraper and dropped off the scary mom. in the driveway was a porche suv but it had gotten customized so that it was metallic looking. and on closer inspection it had its rims Bedazzled. from afar they looked like diamonds.

“see! see!” they said to each other. “arabs!”

i had already taken a snapchat picture.

more things the nice mom told me:

even though she doesnt obsess over fancy things, she loves diamonds, great purses, shoes, nice dresses, and good hotels.

she said shes never been to nyc but is going there in the winter because her son has three weeks off for christmas break. he goes to a british school. she told me she doesnt know how to drive. i told her i should start a school called “saudi lady driving school”. she said she would sign up immediately! she said she takes uber all over the world. she said life was so much harder before it was around because not all cabs were cool with driving way out to nowhere to pick her up.

she said her husband loves jewelry and watches and good cars. and has them shipped to them if theyre going to spend a lot of time somewhere.

after i dropped off the other mom, the nice one said she wished i was always her driver. i was all, meeeee toooo.

i wished her a good trip to nyc. and she said Inshallah. i asked what does that beautiful word mean?

she said, oh, it means if God wills.

i said As-salamu alaykum

and her mouth dropped.

thanks ice cube.