1. Monday, July 25, 2016

    tony why, damnit, whyyyyyyyyy? 

    sass and her friend in my crib

    Felicia from Reseda asks: Why are you such a fucking slob? Are you really THAT lazy or does life just have NO meaning for you? Do you not care what others think of you because YOU don’t give a rat’s ass about yourself? Do you have self-respect? Do you LOVE TONY? Is eating right and exercising and grooming yourself and dressing NEAT (not necessarily nice or sexy!) THAT much of a CHORE/EFFORT? Or, does all that shit take up too much of your valuable time and keep you from blogging and social networking?

    time is the most valuable thing we have. that and our blogs.

    am i a slob? to some. but it’s a messy thing, not a dirty thing. theres no mold. the maid takes care of the dirt and germs.

    me, i love print products: newspapers, magazines, polaroids, paper plates, plastic cups, and the like.

    me, i dont love wasting my days hiding things. hiding things in rows, in boxes, in clear cubes, in closets. me, i like finding things. and if they are on the floor, awesome. if i can find the camera, for example, and two pretty girls are on my bed pretending to be bored outta their gourds, then hi, click!

    does life have NO meaning to me? i have a feeling felicia youre gonna hate this answer, but when you read the Good Book you will see it taught many times that this life does have meaning, but it’s merely a stepping stone for Heaven. our riches, our treasures, our real meaty substance that you probably also yearn for is not here. it cannot be organized from goods at the Container Store. i cherish the friendships and miracles that i experience with my friends and loves but they pale in comparison for what this is all leading to. and on my gravestone i doubt it will ever say, he kept a tidy room or omg you shoulda seen his closets.

    do i not care what others think about me because i dont give a rat’s ass about myself? excellent question. early in my life i learned that i could care deeply about what others thought of me OR i could not give one crap about that. i chose the latter, precisely because i care about myself. perfect example: when i was but a lad i saw mr. bruce springsteen write and perform one of the biggest most touching records ever: Born in the USA, a show where he sold out the LA Coliseum 4 or 5 times over. thats like a half million people just in LA loving him. he took time out of the show to bring up volunteers from the LA food bank, he performed an anti-war song, and he spoke sincerely and deeply about love, loss, and pink cadillacs. he played each show for four hours and tickets were only like $30.

    and still when we got out of the show there were protesters, on the radio there was hate, and in the paper there were articles about the Springsteen Backlash. it taught me very clearly that no matter what you do or say or sing, there will always be haters. you cannot win over everyone. so simply do your best to win over the Lord. and Jesus don’t care if you have old bottles of beer on the wall. he just wants your heart to be pure.

    do i have self-respect? probably

    do i love myself? frequently

    is eating right and exercising and dressing neat that much of a chore? yes and it’s boring and a waste of money. if someone loves fat bald tony with clothes from target they probably love my heart, not my smoke and mirrors, which is way better because theres gonna be another train coming through with better smoke and mirrors any minute now.

    dont be fooled by the outside, young skywalker, close yr eyes and feel the force.