1. Wednesday, September 14, 2016

    everyone should probably avoid me for the next month 

    dogi have been acting and feeling very very strange the last week or so

    and i dont think it will be getting any better any time soon.

    the cubs are going to win the world series

    probably easily

    and it’s already starting to freak me out because

    this is not something that me or anyone younger than 109 years old has ever experienced

    and this team is so good and lovable and likeable and calm and chill

    and next week im flying to chicago for my annual visit and by the time i see a game at wrigley

    it will be that little inbetween time after theyve clinched it

    (which they’ll do tomorrow or Friday)

    and before the playoffs.

    but still it’s weird. so weird.

    like the pretty girl in school saying omg no tony is the prettiest.

    today the cubs beat the crap outta the cardinals

    our oldest player hit a home run that went about 6 and half miles.

    then the first baseman, who in any other year would be the MVP

    (but its gonna go to the third baseman bc he’s having and even better year)

    hit two home runs like no biggie.

    all in our rivals park.

    i know some good people who are from st louis and i know at least one who lives there now.

    lovely lovely people.

    but i also know some cardinals fans who are miserable racists.

    remember this is a team who fired harry caray at the peak of his career

    because he fell in love with the boss’s daughter.

    they ended up together forever and ever and ever.

    those are the things i should focus on right now during this moment of pre-freak mode.

    i will be very drunk the next month.

    maybe i’ll be drunk forever.

    maybe there will be another chicago fire when this goes down next month.

    maybe i will climb the scoreboard and jump into the flames below

    maybe i will be saved by a st. bernard with a bucket of Old Style.

    maybe we will just casually sweep every team we face

    and it will be very very boring.

    and they will run out of beer because of a fire in st. louis

    and we will all drink water and pour water on each other

    and laugh and laugh and laugh in the great wet tshirt contest of 2016

    and i will laugh the most because i will win

    bc im so pretty.