everyone should probably avoid me for the next month

dogi have been acting and feeling very very strange the last week or so

and i dont think it will be getting any better any time soon.

the cubs are going to win the world series

probably easily

and it’s already starting to freak me out because

this is not something that me or anyone younger than 109 years old has ever experienced

and this team is so good and lovable and likeable and calm and chill

and next week im flying to chicago for my annual visit and by the time i see a game at wrigley

it will be that little inbetween time after theyve clinched it

(which they’ll do tomorrow or Friday)

and before the playoffs.

but still it’s weird. so weird.

like the pretty girl in school saying omg no tony is the prettiest.

today the cubs beat the crap outta the cardinals

our oldest player hit a home run that went about 6 and half miles.

then the first baseman, who in any other year would be the MVP

(but its gonna go to the third baseman bc he’s having and even better year)

hit two home runs like no biggie.

all in our rivals park.

i know some good people who are from st louis and i know at least one who lives there now.

lovely lovely people.

but i also know some cardinals fans who are miserable racists.

remember this is a team who fired harry caray at the peak of his career

because he fell in love with the boss’s daughter.

they ended up together forever and ever and ever.

those are the things i should focus on right now during this moment of pre-freak mode.

i will be very drunk the next month.

maybe i’ll be drunk forever.

maybe there will be another chicago fire when this goes down next month.

maybe i will climb the scoreboard and jump into the flames below

maybe i will be saved by a st. bernard with a bucket of Old Style.

maybe we will just casually sweep every team we face

and it will be very very boring.

and they will run out of beer because of a fire in st. louis

and we will all drink water and pour water on each other

and laugh and laugh and laugh in the great wet tshirt contest of 2016

and i will laugh the most because i will win

bc im so pretty.