nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, September 20, 2016

    today is my moms birthday, shes 24 

    momborn to the first black un-official president of canada and a pittsburgh librarian, my mom was raised in southern Georgia during the turbulent 50s and 60s because her parents knew that their power and influence would be better served in the dirty south than in the Steel City.

    my mom excelled in school, was the homecoming queen, valentines dance queen, rivals week queen and ultimately the queen of the school after her mother sewed her a sparkling dress made of silk, roses, and dreams.

    at 16 years old she went to college after skipping a grade. she had never been away from her parents before and First Day was hosting parties and convincing the young gentlemen of Nashville to buy she and her friends booze, high heels and Motown records. One day she found herself on a bus. she didnt know why she was on the bus, all she knew was she wasnt in Georgia or in class, so… Party! turned out the bus was headed to downtown Nashville where she and her friends would participate in the first Civil Rights protest ever. No Justice, No Peace was penned by the young lady next to her. What Do We Want? Lemonade! was yelled by the thirsty young man a few seats back.

    Once at the rally, the state troopers arrived and threatened to kill everyone. My mom ran and made her way back to the dormitory just in time to receive a telephone call from her parents asking how everything was going. Fine! she said and because long distance phone calls cost so much back then she literally got off the hook and decided she would stick to studying and leave the civil protests to the Others.

    she graduated early, got a scholarship to Indiana to get a double Masters in Russian and Math because her heart wanted to be a UN translator but her Virgo mind said, lets have a practical backup plan. After she graduated she moved to Washington DC at the bequest of her college sweetie and whattya know she found herself in the midst of more political marches led by, no joke, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. a few years later she was married and produced two children which she raised mostly on her own: one who would become a blogger with a modest following on twitter.

    today my mom refuses to retire. she teaches her grandchildren the beauty of books, the hard work it takes to grow a victory garden, and how to keep the most organized books. THIS WILL NOT BE HACKED she says as she shows her paid bills perfectly filed in her walk-in safe in the basement.

    her home is meticulous and smells of bacon and potpourri. she collects shot glasses and nativity scenes. she has four tvs and three landline phones. the password of her iphone is 666666 because no one would believe it. she has pictures of several of my old girlfriends on doilies atop a variety of end tables. theres african art, modern art, and college diplomas lining the walls leading to the basement.

    she insists i call her after i have had a long flight or emergency assignment from the xbi.

    i cant imagine how boring my life would have been without her guidance over these years because her advice has always been the same: fuck shit up, negro. make me proud.

    happy birthday mom!

  2. Monday, September 19, 2016

    im in chicago and how about this, im about to hang with aj 

    jeanine ajwhen i was in college aj and i wrote together, rocked out together, we even had a rock and roll radio show together.

    the only thing we didnt do is get it on together. i shoulda told her, look at me, i have my hair, i look great in the cubs shirt that i will later wear in vegas. and i weight 125 lbs. whats not to love?

    she loved me but not *that* way. which was a bit sad in a way but it led to great diary entries in my creative studies diaries class and poems and short stories.

    one thing led to another and jeanine and i started dating and then we moved in together. we were super in love. maybe in a sick way. we got these friendship bracelets which are painfully visible in this photo and i think i wore mine for a year or two. i think i also had one on my ankle. i was nuts. we were all nuts. all three of us shoulda probably gotten it on right after this picture was taken but we were sweet kids not wearing any makeup, not putting any product in our hair, probably not even wearing underwears.

    i love this picture because you can just see all the love we had and have for each other beaming through. it was taken right outside of AJs pad affectionally dubbed “the playpen”. mons pubis or the wonderfuls were about to play. some jungle juice was being prepared in a nearby garbage can. and the neighbors were for sure peeking through their curtains at the parade of beauty and freaky. i think the year was 1990. either that or 91. def one of my all time favorite pictures.

  3. Sunday, September 18, 2016

    missed my flight yesterday, thanks xbi 

    me and benthe agency thought i could do something last minute on a saturday right before i was supposed to be jetting to the airport

    and i was all, double, they were all, forget it. i was like syanarya. they were all thats not even how you spell it.

    because i am toooooo nice for my own good i did it and got the greatest uber driver to take me to the airport andelay. super cool. i asked him where he is from he said, i am from mexico my friend. i said where?

    and listen to this he told me he was nervous about trump. i said hes not gonna win. he said but im nervous and heres what im thinking, so he deports us. good. maybe thats the best thing to make mexico strong. maybe the mexicans like me in the US work hard. maybe we are smarter. maybe we have learned english. maybe we have learned skills here. maybe if we bring it all back to mexico in large amounts. maybe we can kick out the criminals who run so many things in mexico and maybe we can make it a great country. a strong country.

    i said, a better version of canada?

    he said, our food and weather are already better.

    and then we talked about tacos for the rest of the ride. being from Michoacán he was all about the carnitas. i was all, how long have you been in LA? he said, 12 years. i was all wheres the best carnitas in LA? he said, in my belly, thanks to my wife.

    mark johnson has been crashing with me. today he wanted breakfast, so i called up emilo and said we’ll be in DTLA in 25 minutes. we all met and went over to Cliftons which has great breakfast and who knew it, a jazz band. dude played flute, clarinet, sax. really good jazz too. then we wanted a beer to wash it all down so we went to the former LA Brewing Co. which is now Beirgarten LA. and who do we run into, Mr. Ben Sullivan and his fiancee and her amigos.

    as Dov would say, “that’s Los Angeles.”

  4. Saturday, September 17, 2016

    even when we were poor we still had money to see concerts 

    chris joe and me at the dead in vegas

    this is chris, joe and i at the Imperial Palace in Vegas, May 1992 about to see the Grateful Dead with Steve Miller opening.

    the imperial palace doesnt exist any more. the dead doesnt exist any more but i still have that cubs shirt.

    that concert was the first time i ever really started to understand the Dead. i had seen them once before at the Forum but passed out due to an over achieving pot cookie given to me by a beautiful stranger who only asked for a hug in return. i didnt catch her name but she had long blonde hair with flowers in it and a day glow bikini top.

    because i didnt wanna pass out at the Vegas show, i only drank beers.

    you cant tell from this pre party picture but later that day thunderstorms rolled in right about the time the band started playing Drums/Space

    in one of the most spiritually trippy experiences ive ever had at a rock show, the thunder started jamming with the drummers and the drummers jammed right back.

    in that dusty weird twilight out in the desert, i was all, oooooooooooooooooh

    so this is the grateful dead!

    and then two girls with see through tops kissed my cheeks.

  5. Game Four of the World Series at Wrigley going for $9k 

    cubs at wrigley

    a long time ago when the Cubs were close to getting in the World Series people were all, are you gonna beg people for money so you can go?

    i was all, nah, i’ll just sell all my baseball cards or something.

    shit, now i’m gonna have to sell all my baseball


    basketball cards now.

  6. Friday, September 16, 2016

    my hippy friends at UCSB 

    hippie friends at ucsb

    way back when i was in college we didn’t take a lot of pictures. back then you had to use film and get it developed and it all cost money. it was insane.

    so of my whole four years at UCSB i think there are only like 9 pictures of me total.

    i had two sets of friends at school, both of whom i still am very close with: my Daily Nexus friends and my hippy friends.

    one Christmas the ladies of the latter group decided that we should all dress up and have a “formal” dinner before we all flew home for Christmas break. not everyone had the latest in high fashion, in fact looking at this it might appear that some of us robbed the local Goodwill, but we tried, because why not.

    we were all “poor” but we always had food to eat, beer to drink, and fun to have and best of all we all shared.

    often i say im the luckiest man alive and i seriously cannot even imagine how different my life would be now if i wasn’t placed in the San Nicolas dorm and instantly clicked with all of these super sweet, very fun people.

  7. Cubs clinch 

    cubslast night the Cubs clinched the division when the Giants beat the Cardinals

    it was sort of anti-climatic but you know what, fine. we dont need any drama right now. we need to give the kids some at bats and rest our pitchers and get ready for the playoffs.

    the playoffs, the opening act for the World Series.

    last night i bought a Post Season cap and a little gift for my momma.

    this is a picture from Wrigley Field where hundreds of Cub fans gathered in the wee hours to celebrate.

    the Muslims have Mecca, we have 1060 W. Addison. i may not get married there – although who knows – but if i end up in ashes thats where they will be sprinkled. it’s where my heart is and clearly where all of these people’s hearts are too.

    yesterday i was feeling so ill i had to take the day off of work. i didnt blog i didnt uber i barely ate. i felt so nautious i dont even know how to spell it any more. i still feel slightly pukey but im gonna go into work because tomorrow i fly to chicago to celebrate my moms 24th birthday.

    one thing i did do yesterday was laundry. washed my sheets, shorts, towels, blankets. when you’re ill it’s nice to feel clean. so thank you Lord for letting me have this washer dryer finally. i think it may have sorta cured me.

  8. Thursday, September 15, 2016

    one day sass brought over her super hot friend candis 

    me candis and sass

    i was the blog editor of the times at the time and i was trying my best to get one of our movie blogs on the map.

    it was written by this excellent reporter who traveled around and got these great stories

    but he wasnt a critic, he wrote about movie news, which was fine, and he’d write a few features. good features. but the web was yawning.

    i was starting to learn that unless a movie blog was something super dooper special and unique like The Hero Complex

    it was gonna be a struggle to get it happening.

    so i thought of this great idea, i was gonna dress up in costume every week and go to the movies

    and invite all of our readers to come with us and afterwards we would interview the readers

    and ask them what they thought of the movie

    and we would put their videos up a couple days later

    and we would call the whole thing The LA Times Movie Club

    well of course everyone jumped on board because it was a brilliant idea and i was making good money

    so i didnt even expense the costumes or the wigs or the makeup or even the movies

    and omg the entertainment editors came up to me and shook my hand and said

    “tony god bless you. there are so many lonely people out there and you have

    given them a way to see movies with other strangers and our fine paper. you’re amazing!”

    so one day i was almost ready to go to the movies. it was robin hood. the remake with kevin costner.

    and sass was in the neighborhood and she wanted to introduce me to her friend

    and i was all, who cares, fine. i’ll say hi.

    and in walks sass who always looks spectacular and who is this wearing a child’s tshirt as a dress

    but candis marie from the east side and i was all, trust me i dont always dress like an elf.

    she was all, nice tights.

    and we took the picture of our shoes because rarely do i have cool shoes on.

  9. Wednesday, September 14, 2016

    everyone should probably avoid me for the next month 

    dogi have been acting and feeling very very strange the last week or so

    and i dont think it will be getting any better any time soon.

    the cubs are going to win the world series

    probably easily

    and it’s already starting to freak me out because

    this is not something that me or anyone younger than 109 years old has ever experienced

    and this team is so good and lovable and likeable and calm and chill

    and next week im flying to chicago for my annual visit and by the time i see a game at wrigley

    it will be that little inbetween time after theyve clinched it

    (which they’ll do tomorrow or Friday)

    and before the playoffs.

    but still it’s weird. so weird.

    like the pretty girl in school saying omg no tony is the prettiest.

    today the cubs beat the crap outta the cardinals

    our oldest player hit a home run that went about 6 and half miles.

    then the first baseman, who in any other year would be the MVP

    (but its gonna go to the third baseman bc he’s having and even better year)

    hit two home runs like no biggie.

    all in our rivals park.

    i know some good people who are from st louis and i know at least one who lives there now.

    lovely lovely people.

    but i also know some cardinals fans who are miserable racists.

    remember this is a team who fired harry caray at the peak of his career

    because he fell in love with the boss’s daughter.

    they ended up together forever and ever and ever.

    those are the things i should focus on right now during this moment of pre-freak mode.

    i will be very drunk the next month.

    maybe i’ll be drunk forever.

    maybe there will be another chicago fire when this goes down next month.

    maybe i will climb the scoreboard and jump into the flames below

    maybe i will be saved by a st. bernard with a bucket of Old Style.

    maybe we will just casually sweep every team we face

    and it will be very very boring.

    and they will run out of beer because of a fire in st. louis

    and we will all drink water and pour water on each other

    and laugh and laugh and laugh in the great wet tshirt contest of 2016

    and i will laugh the most because i will win

    bc im so pretty.

  10. the 100 pics project is now underway 

    tony pierce blogger xbi agent your friend

    as you may know i love pictures. who knows why but i do. love them.

    for a while there were pictures and posters all over my apartment walls. as high as i could reach, if there was any blank space i would put something in it.

    my philosophy was, what good are these pictures in a photo album when they could be right there over the toilet?

    then one day i fell in love with a young lady who moved in with me briefly and asked if she could remove all of the memories of my past. it seemed like a reasonable request so i allowed it. now, years later, i am slowly putting new photos back on my walls and i love it. i love seeing all of these… things… all the time. friends, family, strangers, famous ppl, not famous people, and just great images.

    so last night while driving the mean streets of downtown LA i thought, dude you’re gonna turn 100 in a few weeks! you should probably do something for such a milestone of a birthday. and you should do it on the world famous. and it should be something you aint never done before — which is a tough assignment for someone with  11,240 posts.

    i concluded that every day for the next 100 days i will put up a picture that means something to me. a special picture. one that might be on my walls – or should be on my walls. and i should write about it with as much honesty as you have grown to expect from this humble url of love.

    so lets start with this selfie. this one is from the buzznet days. i can tell because im using a canon rebel camera. only time i ever had that camera was when marc brown bought one or two for buzznet so they could send me out on assignment and take pics for the pic site. i was on a little roadtrip up to vancouver for a buzznet meetup party. it was thanksgivingtime. i had just spent the holiday with the truest and her family in Umpqua, OR and took some really great pics along the way.

    but this one was taken in, i wanna say in the portland area at a cheap motel. i was alone. i missed the truest already but i was looking forward to hanging with chad and smelly danielly and matt good and the canadian crew. it was going to be my first time in canada i think. either the first or second time.

    back then neither my beard or moustache liked to grow in and i was just starting to get gray hairs in there.

    i was cold. i was alone. and the florescent light of the bathroom made me look green. i loved it.