busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, November 30, 2016

    today is danielles birthday. shes 24 

    danielle

    i have a new picture of her but im lazy. i have new stories to tell but im tired. what i can reveal is danielle doesnt look even half her age.

    she has the energy of a small child who just ate a box of Smarties and drank a gallon of Kool-Aid

    she has jokes. she has insights. she has long legs and beautiful hair.

    but most importantly she has style.

    i mean soul.

    Danielle will win you over in seconds, not minutes. you might not believe it, but you should. its real.

    she is real. she keeps it real. she kept it real on her blog but she kept it super real by quitting blogging.

    heres my list of people im sad quit blogging:

    danielle

    the pants

    anorexism

    the LA Times

    etienne

    danielle got a room at the ace and said a few things and they said omg danielle THE danielle, would you like a free upgrade?

    she said yes yes yes. and they said would you like a room with a balcony and a guitar

    a room with a balcony and two lines of cocaine

    or a room with a balcony and a record player?

    she said do you have any Leonard Cohen records and they said, hipster please, of course!

    and maybe thats why she was in such a good mood, she knew she had great tunes waiting for her in her room after the show.

    happy birthday miss san dieger!

  2. Tuesday, November 29, 2016

    it’s only been a few weeks since the Cubs won the World Series 

    cubs locker room

    it seems like a million years ago because Donald Trump took a giant poop in the punch bowl

    REGARDLESS OF THAT

    i have been regularly inspired by what they did and i am using it in my daily walk

    often i hear myself saying

    is it impossible? dude, the Cubs came back from a 3-1 deficit in the World Series

    where they had to win the last two games on the road

    and not only did they do it

    but they finished it all off  in an extra inning game

    in the freaking rain!

    and people say to me, youre right, i guess anything is possible.

    EVEN THIS IS POSSIBLE!

    and thats why i will always have warm feelings about 2016

    even though it will probably be the last full year before the nuclear winter.

  3. to celebrate Danielle’s birthday 

    seu jorgewe went to see Seu Jorge at the Ace.

    we had a very special guest, a certain news reporter who i had never met before.

    i rushed home so i could change clothes (it was colder than i had expected) and get a Lyft to DTLA

    danielle chose Terroni, a cool modern italian joint

    her longtime doctor bf was there

    he and i talked as the ladies chatted

    danielle was in fine form, very excited, beautiful, happy, full of life.

    it was great to see her again.

    our special guest, claudia, was right there with danielle, very energetic, bouncing with danielle

    as we walked to the ace danielle handed us sparklers

    we walked down broadway and this well dressed black dude freestyled

    and then asked us for money

    but i was all, hes dressed better than i have ever dressed.

    the show was great. it was just Seu and his guitar.

    he told some funny stories about learning the Bowie cover tunes

    he had never toured with this material before.

    the crowd was waaaaay into it.

    many were wearing the red caps from the Wes Anderson film, A Life Aquatic, that Seu performed the songs for orignally.

    we walked to city hall.

    she drove me home.

    i fell asleep like a rock.

    three beers will do that to me.

    fun night all around!

  4. Sunday, November 27, 2016

    i met a nice German girl from Germany yesterday 

    kneeling santashe isnt Catholic but volunteers at this Catholic save the world place.

    she met my man Ben at a soup kitchen.

    she looked at me and said, you’re beautiful.

    i said, look at my heart.

    she did and couldnt control her scowl.

    but smiled anyways.

    heart of gold.

    on the side she helps out with the gangs in South Central.

    i said you do what?

    she has a delightful German accent because she spends most of her time in Southern Germany near the Swiss border but comes to LA to volunteer whenever she’s saved enough money.

    when she’s in Germany she studies Theology and writes letters to gang members in jail.

    i was all, what do those jailed dudes write to you?

    she was like, everything.

    i was all, do they ever get out of control writing to such a pretty girl who lives so so far away.

    she said, do you know what they ask me the most for? they ask me to tell their family to write them.

    and i gave her all of my money.

  5. Saturday, November 26, 2016

    liana was the first real cuban i ever knew 

    lianaother than my grandfather who was curiously born in montreal under a suspicious cloud of mystery and whose birth certificate was defaced when he immigrated to america so we dont really know if he was cuban or french.

    but liana was cuban. for sure.

    when i first met her at lunch with my coworker he said afterwards, she hates you. she wasnt kidding. sorry.

    i said she doesnt hate me. she probably loves her. look at her smile when she insults me. watch her eyes turn bluer. my grandfathers blood running through my veins is whispering, get that girls AIM name! (this was a while ago)

    because the Lord loves me for some reason, liana and i started talking every day. and often i would ask her about Cuba where her parents were born and their parents. she told me she had been there only once and it was beautiful and tropical and everything you could imagine. she even showed me a picture of a secret village for the actual natives where they have new cars, broadband internet, and IMAX 3d movie theatres.

    i didn’t know what was more beautiful, her eyes or the Coke machines that could pour any flavor Coke OR Pepsi combo of any soda ever.

    but the best story she told me was about the normal side of the island where kids rarely even saw ice.

    she had buckets of leftover ice from the party she had and gave it to the kids who freaked out over it.

    i have known the coolest people. im so lucky to have known liana.

  6. Friday, November 25, 2016

    sometimes the devil will say 

    race

     

     

    don’t write today

    don’t drive today

    don’t try today

    don’t rock today

    and thats when

    it’s time

    to reach deep down

    and whip out the

    albino squid

    of death

    and chuck it at

    that mustachioed devil.

    cuz theres work to do,

    turtle head.

    ¡Ándale!

  7. Thursday, November 24, 2016

    do i have anything to be thankful for? i do. 

    tumblr_o3fc93v5jj1v698nuo1_500

    starting with you, my family, and friends,

    family

    and all the great food we get to enjoy.

    cubs world series ring

    the Cubs of course especially Theo Epstein and the brewers of Old Style Beer.

    old style

    I am thankful for my health, and the health of Emily Ratajkowski.

    emily

    I am thankful for my great job,

    oscars

    my side hustle,

    when uber was fun

    and high speed internet. I am thankful for my cats even though they are super weird and pretty much ungrateful and entitled.

    cats

    I’m thankful for my khaleesi

    khaleesi

    and all my Uber and Lyft passengers who all want to take selfies with me for some reason.

    obey peace

    I am thankful for the Obey sample sale, Howard Stern, Baba Booey, Fred, Sour Shoes,

    howard stern and beth stern

    Fat Artie, and Robin’s health. I am thankful for the Internet, all my past and future loves.

    JAG2

    I am thankful for German engineering, Mike Tyson,

    xbi mobile in dtla next to mike tyson

    and all my high school friends who have now had their dreams come true

    friends

    – thanks to the Cubs, Theo and the brewers of Old Style.

    rihanna

     

    I’m thankful for Taylor Swift, Rihanna, cheap gas, Anna Kournikova,

    bukowski

    Charles Bukowski, Iceberg Slim, the Truest,

    kanye smiling bc he's happy

    and I pray for good health for Kanye West.

    springsteen on the sunset strip

    I’m grateful for Little Armenia, Hollywood Blvd., and Sunset Blvd where the freaks come out.

    obama trump

    I am thankful for my president, Canadian McDonalds,

    the pants

    all of the jobs of my past, the voters of California who made weed legal,

    isla vista

    Isla Vista, rock music,

     

    hippie friends

    my college friends who continue to rock, the Hollywood Bowl,

    sass and her friend in my crib

    Canadians who move to Cali,

    bono and friends

    the readers of the busblog, the moon,

    books

    my favorite book The Bible, KFC $5 Fillups,

    shortsop tyler

    left handed leadoff hitting shortstops who happen to be my nephew,

    jeff solomon lincoln

    and President Abraham Solomon

  8. is the world gonna end? 

    yes.

    is that what Aretha is telling us by singing the Anthem this way this morning?

    yes.

    will it be Trump’s fault?

    no.

    will it be our fault?

    no.

    Putin’s?

    yes.

    ok then. ok.

    ok.

  9. Wednesday, November 23, 2016
  10. Tuesday, November 22, 2016

    as you know im a bizarre man 

    screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-9-11-18-am

    for years i have enjoyed Fantasy sports, but when i was at the Times, I was introduced to a fantasy game called Losers Football.

    it’s really simple: you pick an NFL team that you think is gonna lose, if they lose that week you make it to the next week but you can’t use that team again.

    the guy who runs it did a very smart thing, he made two leagues that happen simultaneously. the second league starts in Week 5, that way if you lose the first league early (which happens) then you can focus on the second league and continue to enjoy the season.

    even though we started with 169 players, look who has made it to the Final 12.

    this week i have the New York Jets losing to the New England Deflators.

    it’s weird rooting for teams you hate or rooting against your favorite teams, but whatever, if i win I think I get $800.

    Tom Brady better not break his leg early in this game.