the white house called

tony we want you to be the president’s twitter editor

who dis?

it’s the white house, we realize there are issues with what the president tweets and we need an editor. 


how much would you charge?

one billion dollars.

be serious.

one point five billion dollars.

why won’t you be reasonable?

why wont you let a black man become a billionaire?

that’s not how things work

yeah no shit.

we can pay you a fortune, but not a billion.

pay me whatever that jerk off bannon is getting paid plus one dollar and speaking of the dollar, put Rosa Parks on the dollar bill and i’ll do it.

tony, i AM stephen bannon

and my other condition is i am never to talk with you again.

the latter can be arranged, but we can’t change the dollar bill.

then i guess you’re shit outta luck.

we will be in touch with you again.

text next time why dont ya


20 20 24 hours ago

last night at this time i couldn’t look up

i could barely breathe.

i had the worst headache i had ever had in my life.

i thought, wow God, you’ve never shown me this level before.

i had the tv on but i had to look at the carpet. my dirty carpet.

everthing looked dirty in my house. everything was the cause of my illness.

my heater was on full blast, i was in my robe, trying to remember if i ate the cold pill already or if i needed one.

i could barely look at the computer but i did a search for Drixoral which was the one pill i knew could defeat the XBI poison

but, alas, the XBI forced it off the market years ago.

i took a sip of water. i tried a bite of a banana. nothing. i’d not eat for another 15 hours.

i slept. i woke. i slept more. i blew my nose into rally towels and tissues and wash rags.

in the morning i rose. would i barf? no.

i awoke to (in)appropriate photos on my phone, well wishes from dignitaries and my neighbor left a box of Girl Scout Cookies on my porch.

my mother reminded me that i always get sick around the Oscars and i do remember that one time that i had kidney stones around this time, so maybe shes right.

all of it was healing to me and i could lift my head.

i walked outside and around the block to the dry cleaners to get my suit for Monday’s Oscar Nomination Luncheon which I hope to work, and i saw a cockroach on its back, legs wiggling in the air

Death was indeed near

and when i returned a minute later

it was dead.