1. Saturday, February 4, 2017

    20 20 24 hours ago 

    last night at this time i couldn’t look up

    i could barely breathe.

    i had the worst headache i had ever had in my life.

    i thought, wow God, you’ve never shown me this level before.

    i had the tv on but i had to look at the carpet. my dirty carpet.

    everthing looked dirty in my house. everything was the cause of my illness.

    my heater was on full blast, i was in my robe, trying to remember if i ate the cold pill already or if i needed one.

    i could barely look at the computer but i did a search for Drixoral which was the one pill i knew could defeat the XBI poison

    but, alas, the XBI forced it off the market years ago.

    i took a sip of water. i tried a bite of a banana. nothing. i’d not eat for another 15 hours.

    i slept. i woke. i slept more. i blew my nose into rally towels and tissues and wash rags.

    in the morning i rose. would i barf? no.

    i awoke to (in)appropriate photos on my phone, well wishes from dignitaries and my neighbor left a box of Girl Scout Cookies on my porch.

    my mother reminded me that i always get sick around the Oscars and i do remember that one time that i had kidney stones around this time, so maybe shes right.

    all of it was healing to me and i could lift my head.

    i walked outside and around the block to the dry cleaners to get my suit for Monday’s Oscar Nomination Luncheon which I hope to work, and i saw a cockroach on its back, legs wiggling in the air

    Death was indeed near

    and when i returned a minute later

    it was dead.