last night at this time i couldn’t look up
i could barely breathe.
i had the worst headache i had ever had in my life.
i thought, wow God, you’ve never shown me this level before.
i had the tv on but i had to look at the carpet. my dirty carpet.
everthing looked dirty in my house. everything was the cause of my illness.
my heater was on full blast, i was in my robe, trying to remember if i ate the cold pill already or if i needed one.
i could barely look at the computer but i did a search for Drixoral which was the one pill i knew could defeat the XBI poison
but, alas, the XBI forced it off the market years ago.
i took a sip of water. i tried a bite of a banana. nothing. i’d not eat for another 15 hours.
i slept. i woke. i slept more. i blew my nose into rally towels and tissues and wash rags.
in the morning i rose. would i barf? no.
i awoke to (in)appropriate photos on my phone, well wishes from dignitaries and my neighbor left a box of Girl Scout Cookies on my porch.
my mother reminded me that i always get sick around the Oscars and i do remember that one time that i had kidney stones around this time, so maybe shes right.
all of it was healing to me and i could lift my head.
i walked outside and around the block to the dry cleaners to get my suit for Monday’s Oscar Nomination Luncheon which I hope to work, and i saw a cockroach on its back, legs wiggling in the air
Death was indeed near
and when i returned a minute later
it was dead.