1. Sunday, February 19, 2017

    dear tony what do i do 

    Tony,

    First time caller, long time reader. 

    Last month I finally had sex with this beautiful woman after a long break. It was surprisingly wonderful. 

    Every week since then we’ve flirted online, through text, and even by phone. Each weekend I thought we had plans to reunite but she would find an excuse to cancel. I thought she was sincere until today when she told me she was going to get “some ass from Tinder. LOLs”. 

    What happened? What should I do?

    Fullerton

    dear fullerton,

    block her number and never talk to her again.

    it doesn’t sound like she felt the same way about your encounter as you do. she probably was hugely disappointed. you probably did everything wrong. but dont feel bad. women are complicated creatures. some want you to pull their hair and call them derogatory names, some want you to pamper them and touch them as softly as a butterfly.

    even if they tell you what they want you can’t trust it. because women are also human. (like you and me). how many times have you wanted a gigantic pizza but when it arrives you eat one little tiny piece and just go to sleep.

    it happens to them too. but with schweens.

    you probably didn’t ring her little bell.

    and if you did it reminded her of someone else. not your fault (probs).

    it’s over. forget about her. be happy you even had contact with her even once. there are some schmucks who won’t get any alllll year. maybe not next year either. life is an acid trip. stay hydrated. avoid mirrors. (and cops)

    if she calls you hang up.

    you might be a total loser, but you’re not someones bitch.

    learn a skill,

    tony