nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, March 31, 2017

    why am i so angry 

    like im really mad, almost all of the time.

    the only time im not is when im driving someone on uber or lyft.

    how crazy is that?

    last night people were cutting me off, making weird turns, not using their blinkers, swerving

    coulda sworn i saw a guy making a chinese chicken salad AS HE DROVE

    we were near the grove which is a magnet for terrible drivers.

    pretty sure that was an indian burial ground at some point.

    picked up these kids who worked on a tv show at Television City.

    they were talking about how the schedule for the movies that they are screening at the Hollywood Forever cemetery just came out and they were stoked to see Clueless there.

    one of the kids was all, how disrespectful, watching a movie on top of a dead body.

    other kid goes, and by kid i mean they were in their 20s, we were driving up into the hollywood hills to see a secret comedy show in a mansion.

    one of them called the place The Orgy House because of the decor.

    so the one kid says to the other, everywhere we go we are stepping on dead bodies, you think current cemeteries are the only place where there are dead people?

    there was talk about cavemen, indians, cowboys, mexicans, the poor.

    and yeah, we are constantly walking on the past.

    tramping them down deeper.

    forgetting about them, using them as roads, sidewalks, dirt paths.

    what do you think dirt is made of one of them asked indignantly.

    dreams, i whispered and sped up the mountain.

  2. Thursday, March 30, 2017

    might have to drive all night tonight 

    last week i didnt drive because uber was being weird about the money they owed me

    so i tried to do lyft premium only but we all know they dont have enough passengers right now for that to be sustainable

    so i am a little behind in my affairs thus

    i may have to pull an outrageous double shift of work tonight.

    i wanna see this pretty girl who says nice things to me but when the rubber hits the road shes nowhere, man

    maybe its anxiety. maybe im gross. well, i AM gross. i cant even stand to look at myself some mornings.

    other days im all, hey put on some pants, you.

    lyft has a deal that if i can do 15 rides tonight they’ll give me $80. thats like getting a $5 tip for every ride. dont you think i would drive all night if i knew everyone was gonna tip me $5?

    what will i do with the money? ive got debts somehow! how did that happen?

    i know how. you make money and you think that’ll always happen. then it slows down and you arent paying off that plastic the way you used to.

    i cant even imagine what id do if i couldnt drive. would i freelance? i never liked freelancing. chasing down money. writing for people who didnt understand you. and omg the stress.

    which is why i dont understand this pretty girl. all that every happens when we hang out are sweet things.

    i may have even lit a few candles the last time. i may have even turned on the aroma machine. i may have even put on some good music.

    men are from mars we think theres logically solutions to all problems. and not having a runway model spin, turn, and walk down your hallway as the cats watch and the shadows dance on the mexican blanket curtains is a problem.

    unlike the debts, there are a zillion solutions in LA to this particular dilemma

    which is weird because theres two zillion answers to the debt deal in this town,

    trust me

  3. Wednesday, March 29, 2017

    had a bumble date with a stewardess the other night 

    beautiful woman. quick thinker. talked lots. she loved sports.

    and loooooved the good sushi we had which is nice because ive taken people there from work or whatever and they were all meh and i would be like, are you paying attention to this and they were like pay attention to what

    she was into it. good conversation. half black half chinese. been around. seen things. done things. traveled tons. had opinions. things to say.

    what was cool was kanpai has four tvs. one bigger one by the cashier and three above the booths. theyre always playing sports. girl was all, is that the score i think it is, ah never mind.

    she cared about the score. regular season game. knew the players. for fun she buys expensive seats and takes her brother.

    perfect right?

    problem was she looked like my sister. a little more lightskinned than my sister but still. some people are weird about this thing or that, but im only weird about a few things. you can’t look like my relatives.

    i did like that she understood some of the nuances that we as black folk deal with. liked it a lot. she even spent a time in DC. but our convo was so good we never really dipped into that much.

    the other day she texted me seeing if we could hang again. i wanted to tell her what the problem was but i didnt want to really get into it. how do people do this? the last time i went on an online date and i told the girl id call her later and i didnt she wrote me this long hateful email. i was all, you met me for two hours. whats all this? so now i, mr communication, is not communicating which is weird but im weird. everythings weird.

    met a different girl a few days before the stewardess. almost kissed her at the bar. but the whole time i was thinking you are soooo too old for her. all youre gonna do is ruin her life. next day i thought, has any girl ruined your life? no. has any tried? ha. but none did. all they did was help me grow. make me smile. make me laugh. make me feel. make me all the things.

    all the things.

    but still, i didnt wanna ruin that sweetness that she had. so yeah, busy weekend so busy im only writing now.

    ok. okay then. ok.

  4. Tuesday, March 28, 2017

    ive got some decisions to make 

    for once it’s not about the xbi or women or cars or helicopters or what i do in my spare time or what i dont do in my spare time or the cubs or rock music or religion or blogging or politics.

    weird thing happened to me when i turned 50, i started paying attention to time. how its fleeting. whats really important and how people relate to me.

    it’s sorta weird that you can live here for so long and some people don’t really respect what youve done here and what youve made and in some cases what youve made for them.

    but on the other hand, sometimes theyre trying to prove their value. theyre trying to impress on you that theyve been around the sun a few times too and theyve got something to offer and theyve got some ideas. and sure i wanna see other peoples ideas. the whole LAist experiment was to get 30-40 people together and have them tell their stories and look at LA through their lens and write down what they see.

    that experiment worked beautifully. even though they don’t work that way any more.

    maybe my journey is to do things, be successful, and then watch the next wave sorta ignore it and do theirs. maybe my challenge is to see how i can handle that.

    at the times we built 30-40 blogs, broke all sorts of records, and then my boss tore em down on his way out. i dont think i handled that very well. i was respectful, but maybe thats not the right choice. would you just allow someone to burn down the skyscraper you just built?

    my friend amy has been on my case. she’s usually right about things.

  5. Monday, March 27, 2017
  6. my problem is i am usually down for a dare 

    and most things are dares.

    there was a time when i would have been to that trump rally

    especially if i was still at LAist.

    or i would have assigned it to someone.

    i would feel sick to my stomach if i sent someone there and this sneering dude

    popped em with his brass knuckles.

    thats why its better off if you just go yourself.

    show em how it’s done for when it’s their time.

    which is comin.


  7. Sunday, March 26, 2017

    sometimes you say fuckit, im eating pancakes in the street 

    expectations are everything

    when you’re a baby you expect your bottom to be dry and your belly to be full.

    if those expectations aren’t met, you cry until things change.

    as we grow, we create unique ways to call bullshit.

    not all of us are imaginative enough to take a tv tray, a fold up chair, pancakes and syrup

    and march out to the street

    and eat those damn pancakes in our night pants

    but ive seen some things.

    i had a girlfriend i loved so much who would call me constantly and just cry and cry.

    theres only so much you can do on the telephone.

    i had a boss at the xbi who would order me to take him up in chopper one

    and just circle LA

    id ask him where he wanted to go and he’d just say

    find evil.

    some nights there was no evil in LA, whattya gonna do.

    so he made some.

    sometimes life is just being there for someone else. someone you dont fully understand but someone who you either have to be around or want to be around.

    but you have no fucking clue whats going on with them.

    i say let them eat their pancakes

    in the damn street.


    it’s a free country.


  8. Friday, March 24, 2017
  9. Thursday, March 23, 2017

    what do you do if you want to see a festival 

    but it’s in san diego

    and fucking LIVE is gonna be there to ruin everything

    but Kesha and Weezer and Janes and Ice Cube and Tom Petty are gonna be there

    and Fishbone and Led Zeppelin 2 (?) and Machine Gun Kelly and Pepper

    AND SHAQ and T-Pain and Garbage are gonna be there

    and it’s just $100 a night

    but screw San Diego.

    in a perfect world id have a girlfriend

    and we’d chill in TJ and cross the border every day

    and drive back down and sip on Mexicokes and fish tacos

    skinny dip in the pacific

    and laugh about Smashmouth

    and fall asleep saying