didnt do shit yesterday, did less today
been coughing sneezing barfing.
needed an emotional rescue.
from somewhere beyond a pretty girl offered to be my roommate
“just friends” for the next six months.
i said, no thank you.
she said, i’ll clean your house and pay you 1/3 of your rent.
i said did that last year with jeanine and it turned into a year
and it was very uncomfortable for both parties involved.
while she was texting me that, the prettiest girl ive ever swiped on bumble
swiped me back
and we had a nice little conversation about astrology
and i thought to myself, if Putin was intercepting my phone messages
he’d think im the biggest stud in the universe.
just a dude in a robe and a toque
with wads of tp in his nostrils to stop the bleeding
from blowing his nose too much.
waiting for his thai food to arrive.