1. Sunday, April 9, 2017

    been sick all weekend 

    didnt do shit yesterday, did less today

    been coughing sneezing barfing.

    needed an emotional rescue.

    from somewhere beyond a pretty girl offered to be my roommate

    “just friends” for the next six months.

    i said, no thank you.

    she said, i’ll clean your house and pay you 1/3 of your rent.

    i said did that last year with jeanine and it turned into a year

    and it was very uncomfortable for both parties involved.

    while she was texting me that, the prettiest girl ive ever swiped on bumble

    swiped me back

    and we had a nice little conversation about astrology

    and i thought to myself, if Putin was intercepting my phone messages

    he’d think im the biggest stud in the universe.

    but alas

    just a dude in a robe and a toque

    with wads of tp in his nostrils to stop the bleeding

    from blowing his nose too much.

    waiting for his thai food to arrive.