im not like them, i can’t pretend

do i know whats going on? nope.

drove around USC last night hoping to get 15 rides but my secret is out and the place was flooded with Uber cars and I barely got 8. i’ll have to go back tomorrow.

drove a professor to his apartment downtown. had a ride with three dudes one of em stunk.

but the funniest was these two sorority girls who i picked up at a liquor store and took em to The Row. thats where all the frat and sorority houses are.  Half way there they realized they didnt have a place to store their booze. The original plan was to put it in the trunk of the car of one of their sisters, but they found out that she was caught up and couldn’t make it for a while.

So on the way to the house they brainstormed:

We could hide it in the bushes under the airconditioner behind the house.

We could ask one of the frat dudes to hold it for us.

We could try to sneak it in [the bottles were clanking as they said this]

Finally we got to the sorority house and they got out, bottles still making bottle noises, they got out, super tight shorts, perfume that smelled of vanilla, and they looked around for a friendly face.

And I drove away realizing exactly which women voted for Trump last November.