1. Friday, October 20, 2017

    dear tony, is everything horrible, and is everyone terrible? 

    Tony,

    Long time, first time. 

    I love your optimism, but I just don’t see where you get your positivity?

    In my life I feel like everything is horrible. I see people doing hurtful, terrible things to each other. For fun!

    How else am I supposed to look at it?

    Signed,

    Wilbur

    Gentle reader,

    let me take you back. how far back? all the way back.

    once upon a time the Lord made the Heavens and the Earth and he said it was Good. for it was.

    then he made Adam and they high fived, named all the animals, and played a delightful game of H-O-R-S-E.

    in the morning the Lord created Eve, and Adam was all, fuck yes!

    God said, look you can do anything you want, just don’t eat from that one tree. You see all these other trees? Eat your faces off. That tree – be cool. You might not even wanna touch it. Capiche?

    Adam and Eve said, what happens if we touch it?

    God said, YOU’LL DIE.

    Adam and Eve said got it.

    God skateboards outta there and the next thing you know a freaking snake is convincing them to eat from the tree and when the Lord finds out he’s heartbroken.

    He cries and cries because this is the first time any of his Earthly creations did him wrong. He can’t understand it.

    He’s pissed at the snake and takes away its legs and kicks it in the head. it slithers away leaving just Adam and Eve to wonder what God’s gonna do to them.

    but all he can do is look at them and ask WTF people

    W T F?

    so are people horrible? kinda.

    is life terrible? no.

    life is beautiful and sometimes people do things you don’t expect.

    we all come from Adam and Eve who were the original fuckups.

    even their kids were dumbasses. well, one was, for certain.

    i don’t know how you want to maneuver through this river of deceit, but heres how i do it:

    i know it’s gonna be weird. so i expect the weird. i know some of it’s gonna be good, but im still expecting weird.

    when the good comes i take it all in because i know there might be some not-so-good around the corner

    and i don’t wanna be heartbroken the way God was when he saw that unpeeled forbidden fruit

    and that snickering snake.

    if life was Maddon football at the easy level we’d all be bored outta our gourds.

    accept the Expert level and keep playing.