nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, December 29, 2017

    it’s 80 degrees outside. it’s not even noon. 

    im probably gonna go for a little hike because the rest of the country is freezing and

    i have just so many podcasts to get through.


    the one thing that friends and coworkers have asked me about in 2017 is

    when will i have a podcast.

    while it’s true that i am an incredible conversationalist

    and i love LA deeply, all of it, and i know some interesting los angelenos

    and we are missing a huge chunk of LA stories now that we are in a post-LAist, post LA Weekly world

    i have always been slow to jump on a bandwagon.

    and doesnt it seem like everyone has a damn podcast?

    and doesnt it seem like theres maybe one or two worth a damn in the whole wide world?

    sure those are some of the things that people said about blogging during the blog boom of ’03

    but i think there is something magical about the hyperlink

    that a cast will never achieve.

    also in the next coming years i wanna do something big.

    is a second rate radio show something big?



  2. Thursday, December 28, 2017

    did madonna meet elvis, did luke love laura 

    did this beautiful blog, a peace symbol between canada and america hit its lowest ebb in 2017?

    didnt we all?

    over the last few days amber and i have seen a bunch of movies, ordered too much sushi pizza

    and last night spent my christmas gift card on an electric kettle, buck fifty glade candles and tube socks.

    etienne once put as many of my white socks into a bag and set them on fire in an unforgettable face time.

    when i got home i showed her that those were simply the ones i was going to turn into a sweater

    and i had two drawers dedicated to over the calf

    and to the knee.

    but time goes on and you really should recycle out all the old socks in your life.

    so i bought a good dozen, a couple new pillows,

    some cheese

    and a thick roll of duct tape for the washer dryer im doing things with.

    got some half price christmas lights for her little makeup room and you know what, LED lights arent very bright.

    which makes two of us.

  3. Wednesday, December 27, 2017
  4. Monday, December 25, 2017

    today is Christmas 

    and all around the world little kids are setting up video games and trains and drones and

    saving for college and learning how to play guitar, just like in olden times.

    amber asks for things, and i usually say no.

    she wanted a tree, she wanted stockings over the fireplace, she wanted the fireplace to have fire

    no, no, no.

    then she said lets go to midnight mass.

    being raised catholic but then reading the bible i was all, hey the Church basically lied to me as a kid, screw that noise.

    and for the last 25 years instead of going to church i would read the bible for an hour because the Gospel reading was my favorite part of church.

    but amber, like most of us, has taken a rocky road to get to where she is today, and i figured, why not go to midnight mass

    why the f not!

    so i picked her up at work last night at 10:20pm, she was wearing this super tight very short dress, and i had on my evening wear. i had researched various midnight mass services and saw there was one in hollywood that would have a choir and a 12 piece string quartet. little did i know the pipe organ was going to be on full blast too.

    it was really nice. valet. at the foot of runyon. and best of all it started at 11pm.

    got there. sat on the side. couldnt understand a word the dude was saying. but they had the whole service typed up in a 16 page miselette and  damn the music was great. a combo of old school, new school, and christmas carols. they did parts in latin

    and mama mia were they generous on the incense. almost like they thought if we dont shake it 10 times in this corner of the church, old Satan himself is gonna sneak in.

    well the preacher missed a spot because as Amber and I got to the altar to kneel and accept our communion, first the priest gave me a wafer and then the chalice of wine. amber, being sober, waved off the wine, but then this lady priest showed up and gave her a second wafer, dipped it in the wine, pushed her foot in amber’s eye and shoved the dripping wafer right down her pretty mouth.

    then the incense dude blew some on us.

    we left soon after that, tipped the valet, and opened presents before the clock struck 1.

    merry Christmas!!!!

  5. Saturday, December 23, 2017

    what if you had your little raft 

    and you successfully ran away from home

    you and your bff Jim

    and while others were getting stuck in the weeds

    or eaten by alligators,

    you got the mellow streams and the gorgeous vistas

    and you think river rafting running awaying

    is a super cool chill ride.

    when later someone says, dude i couldnt even get an oar in without some freaky prehistoric beast eating it

    can you really give that person advice?


    you can say go down this route.

    do this one thing.

    try these metal oars.

    but when you say it you should say it nice because gators can freak some people out pretty damn bad.

    dropped off my computer at this joint on Hollywood that says they can transfer my old hard drive to a portable drive

    and its been there two weeks now and they called me to give me an update on it

    and im thinking to myself how hard is it to get Stuff A over to Place B

    but then i think about huck finn and jim

    and those swirly dark shadows on the side of the river


    and maybe life isnt as easy for some as it might as have been with you.

    so be cool.

  6. Thursday, December 21, 2017

    when andy warhol was asked what he thinks of his critics 

    he said

    oh… they’re right.

    being a writer or an artist or even a person in the world walking around dealing with other people

    there will be a still small voice in your head that says

    the most terrible negative nonsense

    about how you are horrible at this, or mean to that person

    or stinky or old or naive or out of touch or phony

    and there will be this little





    that says

    tony pierce you are the best in the fucking world

    and i love you.

    at least thats what mine says.

    and if you are going to put yourself out in the world as a public writer or artist or musician or

    just dude proclaiming here i am here i am here i am

    the echo you get back will often be a mixture of stfu with oh god please stfu.

    there is no way to handle that dynamic

    other than handle it.

    and from my time in the crosshairs, the best way that i have learned to deal with it, is to learn from mr warhol

    and just flat out agree with them.

    and then when they’re trying to figure out what just happened,

    go on and do your damn thing anyway.

    and do your best to make your thing bad ass

    cuz lord knows now theyre really gonna let you have it.

  7. Wednesday, December 20, 2017

    saw this really good movie last week called Wonder 

    in it is a line that has struck me

    If you have a choice between
    being right and being kind,
    choose kind

    i am definitely guilty of keeping it

    a little too real,

    especially here on the internet.

    but to live up to that quote would be quite an interesting little enterprise, let me tell you

    especially here on the internet.

    theres that other saying that goes,

    take it easy on people bro, you dont know what they’re up against.


    which this movie brings home in a special way. because some people seem like they have it one way, but behind the scenes something is completely different. just  like how pictures of downtown LA make it look so beautiful.

    but when you get in there…

    it’s a different type of beautiful.

    drove this old korean guy across town today. he sat in the front. talk talk talked with a heavy accent.

    told me how he got pulled over by the cops in the 60s in LA and he admitted to the cop that he was too young to drive

    and the cop said, get it together, and sent him on his way.

    told me that he wants his little son to be good at piano.

    i was all i would love to be good at piano.

    and we got to his spot and he said,

    i apologize if i spoke too much. in korean culture, a man should be quiet.

    i said my man you’re in america,

    let it out.

  8. Tuesday, December 19, 2017

    it doesnt feel like christmas this winter in LA 

    it’s hot, it’s windy, it’s dusty

    somethings going on weird and it’s made me sick twice in the same month.

    today my boss sent me home cuz i was coughing and snorting and looking half dead.

    so i worked a little at home and passed out on the couch thanks to the benadryl.

    amber was home but then hiked to griffith as i snoozed

    then she ubered to her company party as i researched for next week.

    all while having Mindhunter on in the background, and now Somewhere.

    is this what its all about Prince asks me from the tub

    is this how you turn the corner, Michael meows from the sink.

    the back door makes some noise and then amber arrives, cold cheeks, smiles, cookies tucked in her bag

    heels clicking


    “i like this movie,” she says.



    “but i forget what it’s called.”

  9. Monday, December 18, 2017

    10 years ago today i started working at the LA Times 

    it was a dream come true.

    it had been something i had been thinking about since i had been in college.

    and there i was.

    and my shirt and sweater were dumb, and my pants were weird, and i didnt know what shoes to wear

    and part of me was thinking “you’re the Blog Guy, you can be weird if you want!”

    and most of me was thinking, “you gotta be able to get the print people to like and respect you SELL OUT SELL OUT!”

    i dont think ive worn that shirt ever since, and i gave that sweater to the poor last Christmas.

    totally forgot it was famous.

    thats me and then-publisher David Hiller who right after that picture was taken said, “youre the blog expert, I have a blog but it isn’t very good. Do you have any advice?”

    i said, “Mr. Hiller, I have some bad news for you. You have a great life and I have learned a little pattern over the years: Good life, crappy blog. Crappy life, great blog.” He laughed and I don’t think he ever blogged again.

    as you can see from the stats at the bottom of this, 2017 will be the least prolific year in the 16 years of writing this blog. this will be post #311 this year with about two weeks left. some years i wrote 800 or 900 posts. OF GENIUS!

    why so few this year?

    is it because i have had a Good Life?

    sure, let’s pretend that that’s the reason.


  10. Sunday, December 17, 2017

    kurt cobain liked lists, so here are my favorite films by year 

    1925 Seven Chances
    1926 The General
    1927 Metropolis
    1928 Steamboat Bill, Jr.
    1929 The Taming of the Shrew
    1930 The Blue Angel
    1931 M
    1932 Freaks
    1933 Duck Soup
    1934 It Happened One Night
    1935 A Night at the Opera
    1936 Modern Times
    1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
    1938 Room Service
    1939 The Wizard of Oz
    1940 His Girl Friday
    1941 Citizen Kane
    1942 Casablanca
    1943 Stormy Weather
    1944 Double Indemnity
    1945 Spellbound
    1946 It’s a Wonderful Life
    1947 Miracle on 34th Street
    1948 Oliver Twist
    1949 The Third Man
    1950 Sunset Boulevard
    1951 The African Queen
    1952 Singin’ In The Rain
    1953 Roman Holiday
    1954 Rear Window
    1955 To Catch a Thief
    1956 The Ten Commandments
    1957 Throne of Blood
    1958 Vertigo
    1959 Some Like It Hot
    1960 The Apartment
    1961 Breakfast at Tiffany’s
    1962 The Miracle Worker
    1963 The Birds
    1964 Marriage Italian Style
    1965 The Sound of Music
    1966 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
    1967 Belle de Jour
    1968 2001: A Space Odyssey
    1969 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
    1970 Two Mules for Sister Sara
    1971 A Clockwork Orange
    1972 The Godfather
    1973 Enter The Dragon
    1974 Young Frankenstein
    1975 Dog Day Afternoon
    1976 The Bad News Bears
    1977 Star Wars
    1978 Animal House
    1979 The Jerk
    1980 The Blues Brothers
    1981 Stripes
    1982 Fast Times at Ridgemont High
    1983 Scarface
    1984 This is Spinal Tap
    1985 The Breakfast Club
    1986 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
    1987 Evil Dead II
    1988 Coming To America
    1989 Do the Right Thing
    1990 Goodfellas
    1991 Cape Fear
    1992 The Player
    1993 Jurrasic Park
    1994 Pulp Fiction
    1995 Empire Records
    1996 Happy Gilmore
    1997 Gummo
    1998 The Truman Show
    1999 Being John Malkovich
    2000 Bring It On
    2001 Moulin Rouge!
    2002 8 Mile
    2003 Old School
    2004 Kill Bill: Volume 2
    2005 The 40 Year-Old Virgin
    2006 Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
    2007 Superbad
    2008 The Dark Knight
    2009 Fantastic Mr. Fox
    2010 Scott Pilgrim vs The World
    2011 The Artist
    2012 Moonrise Kingdom
    2013 Spring Breakers
    2014 The Lego Movie
    2015 Mad Max: Fury Road
    2016 Rogue One
    2017 The Last Jedi