1. Saturday, December 2, 2017

    there are some people who are rooting against you 

    which is weird because life is short

    and im always gonna win.

    been kicked around from one H&R Block to another these last couple of weeks. have i told you im being audited?!

    whoo boy.

    so at HRB you can get this insurance for $40 that says if the IRS audits you, they will help you win

    and they will even go to court with you if it goes that far.

    as a former electronics salesman who was harassed by management to sell the extended warranties, if someone offers me one these days i just say fuckit and pay.

    life is short.

    render unto caesar whats caesars.

    sometimes you get lucky and the insurance pays off. like right now. only problem seems to be that none of the agents wanted to handle my case because, i dont know, maybe they dont get paid for it?

    so i went to glendale first but they said we’re in glendale, you gotta do this in LA. which im pretty sure isn’t true, but one thing i know about life, if someone doesn’t wanna help you, thats not really the person you want in your corner when taking on the IRS.

    they sent me to k town. but that dude didnt show up. at all. then they sent me to wilshire but then that dude said he had to wash his hair on saturday could i come by during the week before 5? i said i work for a living Leroy, no i cant get in there before 5. so i went in there during lunch and demanded the manager.

    i said what in the hong kong is going on in here? i said every year i give you people $380 plus $40 insurance to do my dumb taxes and now that i actually need you, now that the government is saying you effed up im getting the cold shoulder?

    let it be known i said this in an uncomfortably loud volume so everyone in the joint could hear me.

    i was quickly given an appointment for today. and the woman i got was so good i wanted to hug her. we laughed and laughed and she complimented my attention to detail and i told her that its weird but everything i do for uber lyft i do 100%. super bizarre.

    and she said ok im gonna do what i gotta do and if you come back next week we will submit it and you will probably be perfectly fine. i said, are you kidding? she said nope. i think i already see the problem and all will be well.

    then my car’s engine light went on and i said i guess we’re going to the dealer now. and i went and the guy said we dont have any loaners today can i call you an uber? i said i have a lot of errands to run today will you be paying for my uber all weekend?

    and suddenly a brand new benz rolled out with a bow and my name on it

    for the weekend.

    so fast.

    you steer with your index finger.