nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, December 10, 2018

    my man jerry invited me to church 

    so i went to church.

    we met in the garage and took the elevator up and the guy in the elevator said are you two friends?

    he said, yes we havent seen each other in a while though.

    the man asked, oh? how long has it been?

    and jerry said 18 years. 

    jerry’s a good man, drives a cab that he owns. he has a long graying beard. walks with a cane. drives all the way from orange county to koreatown to go to this church because he says the ones by his house aren’t very progressive, let’s say. 

    i had only gotten a few hours sleep because i was up all night working. didn’t get to bed until 5am because i didn’t wanna work at all on Sunday seeing that i knew i was going to church early and da bears were on at 5pm and who can concentrate leading up to a game between two teams leading their respective divisions?

    so i worked and worked and so many things in life are so subjective so you try to make it as good as you can but who really knows if anyones going to like it until they say holy shit tony this is so good, so simple, so clear, so informative, and at times funny.  God has blessed you!

    jerry expected me at that church at 10:20 and there i was at 10:20 in that elevator and i was all, wow, 18 years? time flies.

    i was so sleepy. but who doesnt like a grand, beautiful, old school christian church with high ceilings and an enormous pipe organ with pipes over there, over here, behind you, in front of you, and an expert from UCLA playing the music, making it all work.

    preacher said his hellos, the choir led us into two obscure Christmas hymns and then a woman, a beautiful young woman, in a period outfit said, and now i introduce you to Charles Dickens

    and a man dressed up like that olden time whenever that was, waltzed out and the two of them, using musical instruments and a few chairs, acted out the entirety of A Christmas Carol. 

    at first i was all, thats cute they’re going to do the opening and peace out so we can get back to church. but nope they introduced the three ghosts of Christmas Whatever – and these were thorough introductions, and then they went to the next one and next one.

    the church was packed and entranced. applause breaking out after a beautiful song sung by the woman or a particularly well delivered soliloquy delivered by the man. 

    did i catch myself dozing off from time to time due to the soothing melody of well written and sung lines by two obvious professionals? only the Lord knows.

    and Jerry. 


  2. Saturday, December 8, 2018

    blogging is hard enough 

    heres the hard thing about blogging: keeping it real. 

    we live in polite society.

    we also live among humans and humans love gossip. 

    so on your blog you can either have no friends no job no life and 100% keep it real on your amazing blog and be perez hilton – and noone wants that

    or you can say nothing in heres true but still withhold like 99% of your life

    or you can somehow tip toe around everything and attempt to make general stories that could apply to anyone. but seriously how many of us are the Brothers Grimm? 

    so when your blog cms changes and you cannot revert back safely, you feel as though you were already floating in space, but now you have been detached from the space ship. 

    its just you and your suit against the world. and you may stop breathing soon.

    which is exactly what they want you to think.

  3. Friday, December 7, 2018

    title goes here 

    maybe the key is writing first and then seeing what happens then adding the photo after, which is the opposite of how blogging should be but whatever.

    it was raining pretty bad this morning. so bad it was wonderful. i was able to get some work done and i was considering ordering postmates even though you cant get that too often.

    however, what a better time than if its raining?

    but then i got a text message from the young lady who was all its raining i was all yeah and she was like come get me

    only reason i did was cuz it’s the fourth day of hanukkah and everyone knew it was supposed to rain

    so i figured no one would be on the roads and luck be a lady, the roads were clear.

    picked her up. went to Pho 2000, ran a few errands and we were in bed by 5:30pm watching game of thrones. by 6:30pm she was alseep and i was back to work.

    this is the incredible star studded life all of us in hollywood are living.

  4. Thursday, December 6, 2018
  5. Wednesday, December 5, 2018
  6. Tuesday, December 4, 2018

    i will never be this cool, or this Russian 

    During the 6th Soviet Antarctic Expedition at Novolazarevskaya Station, the only doctor in the house suddenly became the patient

    when Dr. Leonid Rogozov realized his appendix was going to burst unless he did the unthinkable: OPERATE ON HIMSELF

    The date: on April 30, 1961

    His assistant: a mechanic.

    Length of operation: Two hours.

    How he did it: He positioned himself so that he could see his own body using a mirror when doing the surgery. But as he notes, that meant he was seeing things on the wrong side.

    He made a 12 cm incision through which he found the appendix.

    He published a short note about this in the Soviet Antarctic Expedition Information Bulletin, no. 37, pp. 42-44, 1962.

    I did not sleep at all last night. It hurts like the devil! A snowstorm whipping through my soul, wailing like a hundred jackals. Still no obvious symptoms that perforation is imminent, but an oppressive feeling of foreboding hangs over me … This is it … I have to think through the only possible way out: to operate on myself … It’s almost impossible … but I can’t just fold my arms and give up.

    I worked without gloves. It was hard to see. The mirror helps, but it also hinders — after all, it’s showing things backwards. I work mainly by touch. The bleeding is quite heavy, but I take my time — I try to work surely. Opening the peritoneum, I injured the blind gut and had to sew it up. Suddenly it flashed through my mind: there are more injuries here and I didn’t notice them … I grow weaker and weaker, my head starts to spin. Every 4-5 minutes I rest for 20-25 seconds. Finally, here it is, the cursed appendage! With horror I notice the dark stain at its base. That means just a day longer and it would have burst and …

    At the worst moment of removing the appendix I flagged: my heart seized up and noticeably slowed; my hands felt like rubber. Well, I thought, it’s going to end badly. And all that was left was removing the appendix … And then I realised that, basically, I was already saved.

    Two weeks later, he was back on duty.

  7. our schedules are screwed so i never have a day off 

    she works every day but monday and tuesdays

    and those days im usually on the phone or writing

    even sundays i have to work which im sure doesnt please the Lord so i try to do that work after midnight which makes Monday a groggy day

    but at least i have work. which is a blessing. even though unemployment is very low one should always be grateful of work. i say that as someone who has found himself in dark places economically, as many of us has

    and ive also found my self once upon a time, with his cup running over. it’s a strange dynamic because when youre broke you think it will last forever and when you’re doing good you foolishly also think that this is how it will be until you die

    and then you die.

    yesterday amber and i took a walk on a quest for food. and halfway through she nearly passed out from low blood sugar and when she got a fix from some coffee she was a totally different person.

    is the xbi behind this? are they switching robot babes on me who are running out of battery life? what evil lurks inside Starbucks’ that this one goes in like a dying bluetooth signal and comes out all raring to go? it wouldnt be so shocking but the quick change happens in minutes.

    we ended up at Thai Patio, the former home of Palms Thai and she loved it. all i could see were its past glories. over there is where Thai Elvis once sang, on those walls where decorations once hung now theres nothing. the tables that you used to have to wait outside to sit in are now empty. true we were there at 4:20 in between lunch and dinner rushes, but still. the food was good although the soup seemed a bit watered down.

    the best was a butch lesbian woman with a crew cut and a xxl tshirt and baggy jeans accompanied by her very femme, thicc, african american date wearing a long red dress. they moved from a window seat to one in a darker corner. two instagram influencers sat near them. how do i know who they were? they told the lesbian couple who introduced themselves.

    near us was a table of four Metro bus drivers devouring their meals.

    we should have come earlier for the $6 lunch specials.

  8. Sunday, December 2, 2018

    ashley was right, im never pleased 

    etienne was right, im bossy

    emma was right, her dad should kill me

    the favourite was fine, but

    theres always a but

    heres my big problem with so many movies:

    if you have action, you can’t have romance

    if you have powerful women,

    theres no room for powerful men.

    star wars is great because everyone is great

    except for the star troopers

    so they made them look fantastic.

    the favourite looks fine, is fine, is better than most

    but is that what we should be shooting for? B-plusses?

    when you have such fine performances, costumes, framework

    would it kill you to go that extra mile?

    i have spoken. exeunt.

  9. Saturday, December 1, 2018

    what if im losing my super powers 

    what if i dont have the magic inside of me any more

    what if everything before this was luck like they said

    what if they were all being nice in the past and i have no talent

    what if my isla vista sex drugs rock intro was really just a set up to a downward spiral into misery heartache poverty and tragedy

    what if the caged bird doesnt actually sing for thee, but instead is tolling a bell yearning to be set free?

    what if my buckets got a hole in it

    these are the thoughts that go a mile a second into the head of a writer as he simply tries to do his work, and im sure it happens to musicians and artists and ballet dancers and tuba repairmen

    but i heard the best thing the other day. who said it. who said it?

    whoever it was said you can have these thoughts come to you, but you have to let them all slide through. don’t give them a home in your head.

    dont let them live there rent-free. move them along, little doggies. move along.

    have them, hear them, note what theyre saying,

    but then bring out the broom and sweep them out, make room for the new thoughts, the weirder ones, the crazier ones

    the thoughts that bring about peace and love, peace and love

    oh yes, it was Ringo who said it!

  10. Friday, November 30, 2018

    because ambers allergic to the cats 

    for the last year i havent spent a lot of time with them, but now on this project im home a lot more

    and at night she sends me off to the living room before she’s about to fall asleep

    so i am out here on the couch with my music and huge tv

    and these two are so happy because i pet them and scratch them and

    constantly push them away from me.

    it’s a weird little dance.

    and because they are competitive, one waits for the other to fall asleep

    and then crawls over to my lap like nbd

    they are very lovable animals who have slowly started to get fat.

    and even though it goes against my best nature, because i dont know how to stop feeding them

    i bought an automatic feeder thing for them.

    it’s their christmas gift.

    i hope they dont hate me forever for it.