nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, February 28, 2018

    dear tony, what do you do about haters? 

    this is an interesting question because if you had asked me this 10, 20, or 30 years ago i would have had a different answer each time.

    at this stage of my life, i say pity them and pray for them because as i look back at those who would have fit in that bucket, most of them, a vast majority were hating

    because they were jealous.

    which is crazy because the things that they were jealous about certainly weren’t my material wealth or runway model good looks or style

    they were jealous about things that they could have had in their lives if they didnt have a gigantic stick up their ass.

    indeed i think most of the haters were sad/mad/jealz because they saw me as an extremely happy person who appeared to enjoy ridiculously good “luck”. and while it is true that i have been genuinely happy for most of my life, it wasn’t luck that did it.  it was values

    including the Golden Rule.

    i think one is happiest when one is helping others and trying to lift others to the place where they want to be.

    when i look back at my biggest accomplishments, it’s not great because i made a million bucks or hooked up with Laker Girls, it’s because i helped good people get to where they were probably gonna get anyway but i was able to help them there quicker.

    and while we did it we had a great time and made some cool art or music or news.

    a lot of sad people are only in it for themselves. they might think that theyre being a good bf/gf, employee or friend, but really their motive is all about them. therefore when Satan creeps around trying to figure out what to whisper in their ear to bum their day, he says things about them “youre fat, youre poor, youre dumb, you keep making the same mistakes, youre sloppy, youre dopey, you’re not creative, you are not even using what you learned in school, everyone hates you” and it works on them because they value Self.

    if Satan tried that baloney around someone who sincerely spends their time in a Supporter role none of that matters. who cares if you’re fat if you’re making others less hungry too. who cares if youre poor if you know that money is a fakeout and you give what you have to others, who cares if they call you dumb if you know the secret to turning someones frown upside down, who cares what they say if you know that smile is on your face for the right reason.

    haters are out there just like rain drops and rush hour traffic. it’s part of the environment and once you live a life of service as opposed to a quest for Self Aggrandizement you will discover your true place in this spiritual slam dance

    and it’s right in the center

    where it’s safest

    and most beautiful.

  2. Monday, February 26, 2018

    while it’s true i read the bible for an hour every sunday 

    it’s also true that i procrastinate my ass off doing it. and i dont know why other than i really don’t like doing things that i have done already and i have read the bible like 4 times now, and it’s not that i know whats going to happen next, i dont, i am always surprised by what is going to happen


    i just dont like being told what to do even if i am the one doing the telling to myself.

    a long time ago, in college, i was reading the bible for college and it hit me like a lightning bolt.

    and when i was done reading the whole thing i said to myself, church is dumb, all i ever did in church was wait for the band to play and wait for the gospel to get read, so

    i will make you a deal, Lord, i will read the bible every Sunday for an hour, with some jazz playing in the background

    and this way i wont have to put on pants, go to church, kneel stand kneel stand shake hands and wait for the sentence to be over.

    but for years now i have been doing almost exactly the same thing with reading the bible.

    when i do it i learn stuff, duh, but the whole process is work. for me.

    last night was no exception. i read, i procrastinated, i read more, i futzed with the laundry, i read more, i got my secret blog rolling, and then i saw Amber was coming home, so i read until she arrived.

    then we snuggled and passed out.

    i need to set a new rule that i dont get to eat until ive read the bible on Sunday MORNING that way my whole day isnt a waste and a burdon with some terrible deadline oppressing me on what is supposed to be the Day of Rest

    A MEN!

  3. Saturday, February 24, 2018

    are cub fans the best people in the world? 


    picked up a dude from brazil. he was in the catching money laundering game.

    no kidding.

    i was all how did Paul Manafort fuck up?

    he was all, he got too close to Trump?


    he’s the biggest mark there ever was.

    dropped him off at the airport, then picked up this vacation expert.

    he was on his way to the far east to scope out a private island

    we got talking about Cuba

    i asked, should i check out Cuba during this pause, so as to see it before it gets ruined?

    dude goes, only thing thats gonna ruin it is when Google lays down fiber

    and all the Cubans leave the streets and go inside and surf the web.

    he said, right now the best part of Cuba are the Cubans… who are outside most of the time


  4. Friday, February 23, 2018

    sometimes nice things happen 


    which is why you should never give in to the dark side

    which is why you should never suicide

    and why you should never listen to those who are negative nellys

    as one of the handful of people who have worked in both “newsrooms” (LAist was my couch 10 years ago), i can tell you that this has the makings of a beautiful romance.

    the people who make up KPCC are exactly the type of people who can help LAist get to the next level – wherever that is.

    and LAist website traffic and social footprint was larger than the Pasadena NPR station’s, so the lil blog that could is a beautiful acquisition for KPCC.

    and one of the sweet bonuses is there are living, breathing people at KPCC who used to work at LAist and vice versa.

    the question is, will KPCC allow LAist to truly work independently, will the radio station help the bloggers literally find their voice on the airwaves and podcasts, and if something breaks on one side will the other side get bent out of shape?

    these are the same exact questions that, I’m sure Gothamist and DCist are asking with their new NPR partners in one of the more interesting mergers media has had in a very long time.

    i dont know about those other cities, but LA has truly missed LAist over the last 4 months (it has seemed longer than that) in part because the LA Weekly has refused to deliver even the slightest bit of news. so this is a godsend for millions of people who have grown accustomed to LAist filling in the gaps that the LAT has either found uninteresting or unable to cover.

    the biggest winners of all will be the residents of Pasadena who will find their city covered better than ever.

    thank you, anonymous rich person, for generously doing the right thing for news, Los Angelenos and Optimism.

  5. Wednesday, February 21, 2018

    the kids are all right 

    decades ago The Who produced a film called The Kids Are All Right about the British band’s run through the ’60s and ’70s

    but right now there are a group of idealistic teenagers in Florida who have had enough with America’s love/hate affair with guns, particularly assault rifles.

    these teens were victims of school shooter who killed 17 of their fellow students. instead of freaking out (which they are also probably doing), they have used that energy to pressure local, state and federal lawmakers to stop accepting bribes from the NRA and start changing the laws so that mentally disturbed people have a harder time getting their hands on weapons and so a kid in Algebra class doesn’t have to live in fear any more for their life.

    naturally Republicans are fighting the kids, which is bizarre. they are claiming that some of these students are actors being fed lines and aren’t earnestly asking for gun control measures, but are being paid by people like George Soros and other liberals.

    the kids have been amazing. they say this has nothing to do with politics. they say it has nothing to do with Trump. what their goal is simply: they want last week’s school massacre to be the Last One.

    they have a tough road ahead of them because even though they filled three Greyhound busses with protesting students, once they arrived at the Florida State House in Tallahassee, the GOP-led state senate refused to even debate gun control.

    “if Congress or no one else wants to do anything about this, so what, because we are going to do something about this,” one of the students said. and you best believe them.

  6. Tuesday, February 20, 2018

    today is kurt cobain’s birthday, he would have been 51 

    when i was driving the Royal Blood bassist from WeHo to DTLA he told me he was gonna be playing at the Forum in a few days.

    I said, oooooh the Forum. I have seen many great shows there.

    he said, like who?

    i said, well The Cars, Manson, Clapton, Weezer, Nirvana, Kiss

    he said, Nirvana? How were they?

    i said, it was for charity and the Butthole Surfers opened. i sat all the way in the back. and they did something that i only saw once with Bob Dylan at the Arlington Theater… Dylan started the show sorta drunk but as it progressed it was obvious that the booze had been replaced with water, and by halftime Dylan had sobered up and was sooooo perfect.

    the same happened with Nirvana. Kurdt seemed spaced out and super chill, but as they settled in the got louder and gnarlier and i dont know if the heroin was wearing off or the weed, but it got better and better.

    they played Teen Spirit like 5th on the playlist. sorta to get it out of the way.

    very punk rock. very “if you were here for the hit you can go home now.”

    i have many things that i am supremely grateful for: namely the women i have had the great good fortune to know in my life, but seeing Nirvana live is way up there. and i take none of it for granted.

  7. Monday, February 19, 2018

    today is presidents day 

    did you send out all your cards?

    the only person who sends me cards for this holiday is my uncle jim.

    jim of course is one of the original xbi agents.

    i know this because i tried to send him R. Crumb’s illustrated “Genesis” for Christmas and amazon told me that no one lived there

    even though it is the same exact address that i get on his cards for fathers day, valentines day, and every other holiday including this very special one.

    we don’t have this day off at work because we are only a few weeks away from the Oscars and this is pretty much the home stretch.

    this year i will be doing the Instagram Story. Last year if you remember i did the Snapchat.

    i will reach about 11x the people that i did last year. so there’s a bit more added pressure but not much because the difference is

    a lot of people or an OMG TON OF PEOPLE

    they’re both the same. and im a pro. and ive been around this race course before. what i am looking for are some insoles to cushion my step because that is the only thing i wish i had done last year: protected my feet. as my dogs were plum wore out, Jethro.

    today its windy. it rained a little last night. all of that is fine. get this bad weather out of the way so we have clear skies and warm temps for the big show.

    everyone got sick these last few weeks. we will all be strong and healthy and wise and prepared for whatever goes down bc Lord knows it probably won’t be weirder than it was last year. and that was weird.

    anyways happy birthday president obama.


  8. amber and i made it facebook official on our way back from vegas 


    that means shes now officially my girlfriend.

    which of course is the kiss of death.

    im old school. i dont believe someone is really your girlfriend unless you say so on facebook.

    she said the last time we were facebook official and then i changed it when we broke up that it was one of the saddest days in her life. she said she cried and cried.

    then on this trip she cried and cried too. but mostly for good reasons. mostly because lana del rey was such an emotional concert.

    her music really can get you if you’re paying attention. pretty girls were laying in the aisles just weeping.

    amber had her head on my shoulder crying too. it was such a beautiful, dreamy, magical show where lana seemed in slow motion the whole time like she was wooing us and hypnotizing the whole place.

    at first we were in the back, fine seats, but one thing you should know about amber is she is addicted to hot tea so that also means she needs to take some pit stops. we had just taken this picture after walking around the inside of the arena to see what there was to see, and she ran to the ladies room because she had dranken like 4 cups of tea on our way to the show and as i waited i poked my head into the curtain to see where we were in relation to the stage.

    and we were directly on the side of the stage and it was so much closer and alas, no one was seated in that section. so when she got out i said, lets sit here for a while and see what happens. what happened was a few people did what we did and no one was stopped from doing it because there was no usher there for some reason and we saw the whole show there and it was beautiful.

    and nice. so very nice. i have had many many many lovely times in vegas.

    feel free to add this one to the list.

  9. Friday, February 16, 2018

    dear tony, what can i do if i can’t change her? 

    dear jean,

    you can’t.

    there’s not even a lot we can do.

    all we can do is our own thing and live as pure as we can.

    keeping in mind others are trying to make it happen too.

    and everyone has a different goal.

    hidden goals.

    my goal right now is to make a spiritual miracle from these words.

    my goal is for the Good Lord to hear my 1, 2, 3 and say

    fine, tony, fine.

    my goal is for my 1, 2, 3 to be real and good and as selfless as can be

    my goal is for peace.

    the right kind of la la la. the good kind. you know it when you see it.

    sometimes i will see it and i will say

    oh, right. yes! YES!

    because i had given up on it.

    because i thought it had fluttered away to either nowhere, or into the hands of darkness.

    but there it is sometimes

    right on the tip of yr tongue.

    so here it is for you.

  10. Thursday, February 15, 2018

    shes a good girl, crazy about elvis 

    so i was all lets get lost

    and as prepared as you think you might be

    theres always something’s you dont account for:

    the traffic on the 405 to the LBC

    that your roku batteries might not be good

    or that you left your lighter on the coffee table.


    if she really is a good girl, she will be all

    i have a lighter.

    and finally you start to see why purses are so valuable.

    amber is from the valley and one thing i will attribute to her birthplace is

    it doesnt matter how your pad is laid out

    or how big the suite is

    she will dump her makeup on the floor (!)

    sit right down on the hardwood or carpet

    and go to town.

    here we are on the 29th floor of a four decade old hotel and as soon as she got out of the shower, there she was bareassed on the purple carpet as if it was no biggie

    maybe it is no biggie

    maybe the indians would have done exactly the same thing if they were transported back in time.

    maybe i am thinking like a small minded fool.

    the other day we drove cheech to his home and on the way he told us about this pho restaurant at caesars thats opened late

    so amber is slipping into the tightest dress ive ever seen

    which means i will either look like her pimp

    or her John

    because all i have is some ripped jeans and a motorhead tshirt.

    but at least i have a lighter.