ive always had good friends
ive always had fast cars
ive always had a secret weapon
and ive always read the bible.
heres a trick if someone is bothering you or stalking you or acting crazy.
the crazier the better.
just like how a bullfighter fights a bull
if the bull is super feisty and wild and bucking around and is all omg i cant wait to kill you, paulie
you just wave that red curtain at him
and watch him run for it.
if someone, even a stranger, even a demonicly infused wildman on the subway
is taking up your personal space and saying the worst things with stanky breath and evil intent, heres what you can do and i do it every now and then and im telling you it works.
it works better if you have a pen, like a pocket sized Sharpie is ideal, theyre also good for signing 8×10 glossies when fans run at you at the airport,
but this will repel salesmen and gang members, suit wearing men and women asking if youd like to take a personality test, or some drunken slob at the bar who’s cornered you next to the jukebox
just reach in your pocket, pull out your pen
and if you want, write it on the palm of your hand, but i prefer a cocktail napkin
or a free postcard
or a business card of a stranger
but the hand isn’t bad
and look them in the eye and smile.
and the bull will rush
and the crazy will flee
and the loud will silence
and you will go free.