nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, June 12, 2018

    i say live your life 

    i say if you wanna cheat at Mario Bros, then thats you

    i say if you wanna drive like an asshole, do it

    i mean it’s tougher to be nice to people and polite and let people get in front of you on a crowded LA street during rush hour

    trying to get from west LA under the 405 to the east side

    and a real superhero would be able to do it with good tunes bumpin

    hand holdin

    speaker phoning

    but others wanna honk and flash and throw up the middle fingers.

    what can i do.

    this guy wasnt paying attention and  tried to make it through the intersection over by the VA

    but nope, nothing was moving so he ended up blocking traffic.

    this other guy couldnt get around him so he started honking.

    first guy goes, what am i supposed to do?

    honker yells dont be a moron next time.

    which doesn’t really make sense because…

    and i had the sun roof open and now i see a little color on my bald head which is funny.

    and almost exactly what summer is supposed to be.

  2. Sunday, June 10, 2018

    this was a tough week 

    careful readers may have noticed that i hadnt updated in almost a full week.

    not sure that has ever been done in the history of this blog, but as soul asylum said about records

    they were made to be broken.

    when bad things happen we get to take a good hard look at what things matter.

    we get to rewind the tape and see if we we missed any signs.

    did Fred not wanna go see Solo with me because he was depressed or because Star Wars films are becoming less special?

    playing detective with our memories is an interesting game for a little while but only if it changes our behaviors going forward. how can we become better friends, boyfriends, employees, neighbors, strangers?

    it’s weeks like these that make me wonder about little moments that make my day: when people are nice in traffic, when an old man shakes his head at a bad parker, when a homeless man tells me a funny and unexpected joke, when i read a funny comment on reddit, when an old song from the past gets reunited with my insatiable ears, when i feel at home out in the streets.

    how can we be in the world so that we put a smile on other people’s faces as we continue slouching towards bethlehem?

    theres very little in this world that i have truly wanted that i have not received. and i am so grateful to that.

    right now my phone is streaming a recording of Czech pianist leading a Mozart concerto. the music is being sent through the air to a Marshall speaker that looks like one of their famous guitar amps. my cat is purring at my lap and soon i will be reading the Bible from an iPad.

    we are living in some of the weirdest and yet magical periods of time.

    i am so grateful.

    and i am committed to being a good spirit in this dance.

  3. Monday, June 4, 2018

    and sometimes the devil wins 

    i know i write a lot about the Bible.

    i do it because i am surrounded by the most interesting, most well-read and brilliant minds, but they refuse to read the most misunderstood tome ever.

    sometimes the devil wins.

    i do it because i am the least interesting, least well-read, confused mind, and i am fascinated by it.

    for a so-called book of propaganda, page after page reflects a basic human condition: rebellion.

    either corrupt leaders are rebelling against What Is Obviously Right, men are cheating on their wives, the powerful are enslaving the poor, or the privileged are refuting what they have experienced in favor of what is poisonous for them.

    ignorance, fear, foolishness… whatever their motivating roots,  in the Bible, just like in life, people themselves are often their worst enemies.

    and the devil wins.

    some propaganda when chapter after chapter tribes and cultures would rather make wooden idols and pray to them instead of following the God who oversees miracle after miracle.

    some propaganda when the Son of God appears and is ridiculed and mocked and shunned by even those who see him work his magic up close.

    some propaganda when there is rarely an ah-ha moment by any of the main characters in the New Testament, and those who were faithful are portrayed as insane, criminal, and whores.

    i believe the Bible because it keeps it so real that even the impossible to believe parts don’t seem so wild because what is more confounding than to constantly listen to the devil in your head instead of the angel in front of you

    ride or die.

    critics say God shows very little love for his people in the bible: he floods them, shuns them from the Garden, plays deadly games with them, asks them to Believe with zero proof

    and i agree there are very few scenes where Jesus or Moses or David takes a child or a hater or anyone on his lap and strokes their hair and says, “I love you so much, I wish I could connect with you, I wish you could see what I see when I see you.”

    but the Bible isn’t a cheesy movie. it isn’t Hollywood. it isn’t all the phony baloney melodrama we’ve grown accustomed to. it is a reflection of real life, real relationships, and real struggles and rarely do those include some poetic soliloquy

    and ironically there are very few come to Jesus moments.

    what there is is a general theme of patience.

    God is frustrated by his creations from the first couple and then again by their kid who kills their other kid. and on and on and on.

    At first He’s like fuuuuuuuck these people and wipes them almost all out, but realizes that isn’t gonna solve anything. and the rest of the book is about God trying his best not to slaughter every last asswipe himself.

    but damn if the devil doesn’t win page after page after page.

    without even trying.

    just by being there.

    just by being Bad.

    humans are so attracted to Bad and Fear and Sadness and Misery in the good book – and in life – that they feel more comfort and safety in it than with Love or Peace or Unity or even being a good neighbor.

    every ugly violent act is portrayed in the bible – while beauty is rare.

    but when it does happen it startles even Jesus.

    one of my favorite stories, which seems ridiculous out of context, but when framed by all the suspicion and confusion of the Gospels is when a woman makes her way though the throngs to get near Jesus.

    for 12 years she was, basically, a hemophiliac – she couldn’t stop bleeding.

    she thinks to herself, “if I can just touch him, I will be healed.” so when she finally gets close enough, she touches the hem of his clothes and she is instantly healed. he can feel it all through her body.

    Jesus felt the power leave him too and turns around and says to the crowd, “who touched me?”

    some wise guy said – and im paraphrasing, “bro look around at this giant crowd, everyone is touching you.”

    but the woman, knowingly, but afraid, gets on her knees crying, admitting it was her.

    and Jesus, in one of the most loving moments he will have, says,

    “because of your Faith you are healed. go in peace.”

    the devil doesn’t always have to win.

    he wins a LOT but not always and sometimes it’s the smallest things that we are all capable of

    that can bring healing to our lives.

    but what the story of the bleeding woman teaches me is

    sometimes you just have to walk,

    for once,

    towards Good.

  4. Sunday, June 3, 2018

    what do you do when you dont know 

    do you just scroll and wait and cry and die inside

    i yell.

    yelling though has never seemed to work for me.

    but it comes out like puke that wont wait for you to get to where you need to go.

    it blurts then unfurls all over.

    creativity like you’ve never heard.

    my voice makes sounds that i dont even recognize.

    i dont feel better afterwards

    and i rarely get what i want because of it.

    no one avoids marching down that path again because somehow the erruption is only

    merely annoying

    instead of omg wtf Noooooooo

    my problem is being cool doesn’t work for me either.

    and then people think they can just come right up to me and diss me.

    but you know, the cubs won the world series.

    so fuck em all.

    who cares any more?

    the trouble started with the caring.

  5. Saturday, June 2, 2018

    i try to be good, but it’s of no good 

    people dont want your help

    people dont want you to lead by example

    people dont care what youve done in your past thats good

    people only care about the demons in their own head

    how can they appease them

    people bow to those demons instead of to hope, to love, to possibilities

    theyre gonna vote republican

    theyre gonna lie about stuff to your face

    theyre gonna sell you out.

    when i think of leading by example i think of Pete Rose

    but people dont wanna think about Pete Rose

    they just wanna say he was a dumb redneck hillbilly who was a gambling addict

    they just wanna say how was he leading by example

    and i say i mean in baseball, the only reason you know him, the only thing he could do great

    can we focus on the thing he did great?

    the people dont wanna listen.

    you cannot help the people.

    Jesus came down here, walked around, debated the people

    but the people didnt wanna listen.

    he answered all the questions from his disciples.

    he walked on water on a wild day with the wind whipping around and the white caps and the spray

    he fed the hungry, healed the sick, all right in front of his disciples

    the people who were supposed to love him the most

    his squad.

    and the day before he was ready to die they said, ok cool but now can you show us God?

    he said but

    he said but why do you think i was able to do those things

    why do you think theyre about to kill me

    why do you think imma let em “kill” me

    and they said yeah yeah but come on youre great, but youre not God

    and then we shoulda known that you cant do anything for people

    maybe your mom will appreciate it.

    but thats probably it.

    your mom.

    and thats it.