nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, December 15, 2018

    im learning some things on this path 

    im talking to people. lots of people. lots of freelancers. and here’s what they tell me one and all

    don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 

    one of them was telling me about a particular Christmas, they had some money coming to them. each month they did the work, they filed their invoice and they got their money. except on this one Christmas

    they would go to the mail box every day and every day it was everything except for that check. and they would do this or that to make sure their payments for their car and their apartment wouldn’t bounce, but that included all this stress. stress they never experienced before when they were working 9 to 5 and the direct deposit would arrive every two weeks like clockwork.

    freelancers do not have such luxury. they never know when the checks will come. 

    one person told me, after that anxiety filled Christmas where they thought they would never be able to buy gifts and pay bills on time due to this late-coming check, they decided

    im never going to find myself in a situation where one check made or broke my Christmas. 

    im a hard worker, this person said, working hard is not the problem. weird loyalties are the problem. patience is fine, but multiple checks flowing in to the mailbox is better. 

  2. Friday, December 14, 2018


    Is beauty enough? Fine directing, gorgeous images. But what if the plot is so thin it doesn’t exist?

    This movie reminds me of getting your car cleaned so well that you cant tell if you even have a windshield

    but then you realize you’re driving through endless fields of corn.

  3. Thursday, December 13, 2018

    not everythings terrible 

    they’ll tell you it is but it isnt. 

    sure theres misery and sadness and evil and horribleness far as the eye can see

    but theres always a silver lining, a rainbow, a pot of gold

    without peaks and valleys we’d never have waterfalls or pitchers mounds

    donuts would cost a fortune

    i spent a little more on Christmas than i expected, so i will be driving uber again shortly to pay it off

    for months now ive only worked on the secret project, obsessively

    even on Sundays (a sin), but i’m working on it.

    my cats are hunting a magical cricket

  4. Wednesday, December 12, 2018

    deep down i dont know what, but deepr down i do 

    every time i go to this, i forget. but here we are now, entertain us.

    right now theres only two things i wanna blog about when i blog and the first is blogging which is boring and the other is amber which will bore you.

    i wanna write about her because shes a mystery. the whole thing is a day dream. 

    every girlfriend ive had has been so different than the others and some of the things that some liked the others hated and likewise some things that they hated about me, the others loved. so youre constantly adjusting, as you should, and expecting something to go terribly wrong if this happens but nothing wrong goes wrong when that happens so you move on. 

    amber is pure of spirit. she only wants the best for all parties. she is perfectly situated as a concierge because service is so important to her that shes at work an hour early every day, completely prepared, and ready to take on every task. 

    she takes the bus home, cleans up a little, cooks, and then urges me to do yoga with her and then eats four salads. her oddities remind me that im weirder than everyone combined so i should shut the hell up. but her peculiarities are amusing and not annoying. unless we are driving.

    monday we had the fanciest dinner of all time for free because she won employee of the month. they fed us well and in turn i overtipped because thats how it should be. today was her company party so we returned and ate giant shrimps and shook a million peoples hands and drove through hollywood which i must tell you is one of my pure joys of life

    while having my hand on her leg, listening to sinatras christmas album

    got home, and as she was falling asleep she said, turn off tv now

    which sends me to the living room with the cats

    and i watched the manchurian candidate which was way different than i expected. 

  5. Monday, December 10, 2018

    my man jerry invited me to church 

    so i went to church.

    we met in the garage and took the elevator up and the guy in the elevator said are you two friends?

    he said, yes we havent seen each other in a while though.

    the man asked, oh? how long has it been?

    and jerry said 18 years. 

    jerry’s a good man, drives a cab that he owns. he has a long graying beard. walks with a cane. drives all the way from orange county to koreatown to go to this church because he says the ones by his house aren’t very progressive, let’s say. 

    i had only gotten a few hours sleep because i was up all night working. didn’t get to bed until 5am because i didn’t wanna work at all on Sunday seeing that i knew i was going to church early and da bears were on at 5pm and who can concentrate leading up to a game between two teams leading their respective divisions?

    so i worked and worked and so many things in life are so subjective so you try to make it as good as you can but who really knows if anyones going to like it until they say holy shit tony this is so good, so simple, so clear, so informative, and at times funny.  God has blessed you!

    jerry expected me at that church at 10:20 and there i was at 10:20 in that elevator and i was all, wow, 18 years? time flies.

    i was so sleepy. but who doesnt like a grand, beautiful, old school christian church with high ceilings and an enormous pipe organ with pipes over there, over here, behind you, in front of you, and an expert from UCLA playing the music, making it all work.

    preacher said his hellos, the choir led us into two obscure Christmas hymns and then a woman, a beautiful young woman, in a period outfit said, and now i introduce you to Charles Dickens

    and a man dressed up like that olden time whenever that was, waltzed out and the two of them, using musical instruments and a few chairs, acted out the entirety of A Christmas Carol. 

    at first i was all, thats cute they’re going to do the opening and peace out so we can get back to church. but nope they introduced the three ghosts of Christmas Whatever – and these were thorough introductions, and then they went to the next one and next one.

    the church was packed and entranced. applause breaking out after a beautiful song sung by the woman or a particularly well delivered soliloquy delivered by the man. 

    did i catch myself dozing off from time to time due to the soothing melody of well written and sung lines by two obvious professionals? only the Lord knows.

    and Jerry. 


  6. Saturday, December 8, 2018

    blogging is hard enough 

    heres the hard thing about blogging: keeping it real. 

    we live in polite society.

    we also live among humans and humans love gossip. 

    so on your blog you can either have no friends no job no life and 100% keep it real on your amazing blog and be perez hilton – and noone wants that

    or you can say nothing in heres true but still withhold like 99% of your life

    or you can somehow tip toe around everything and attempt to make general stories that could apply to anyone. but seriously how many of us are the Brothers Grimm? 

    so when your blog cms changes and you cannot revert back safely, you feel as though you were already floating in space, but now you have been detached from the space ship. 

    its just you and your suit against the world. and you may stop breathing soon.

    which is exactly what they want you to think.

  7. Friday, December 7, 2018

    title goes here 

    maybe the key is writing first and then seeing what happens then adding the photo after, which is the opposite of how blogging should be but whatever.

    it was raining pretty bad this morning. so bad it was wonderful. i was able to get some work done and i was considering ordering postmates even though you cant get that too often.

    however, what a better time than if its raining?

    but then i got a text message from the young lady who was all its raining i was all yeah and she was like come get me

    only reason i did was cuz it’s the fourth day of hanukkah and everyone knew it was supposed to rain

    so i figured no one would be on the roads and luck be a lady, the roads were clear.

    picked her up. went to Pho 2000, ran a few errands and we were in bed by 5:30pm watching game of thrones. by 6:30pm she was alseep and i was back to work.

    this is the incredible star studded life all of us in hollywood are living.

  8. Thursday, December 6, 2018
  9. Wednesday, December 5, 2018
  10. Tuesday, December 4, 2018

    i will never be this cool, or this Russian 

    During the 6th Soviet Antarctic Expedition at Novolazarevskaya Station, the only doctor in the house suddenly became the patient

    when Dr. Leonid Rogozov realized his appendix was going to burst unless he did the unthinkable: OPERATE ON HIMSELF

    The date: on April 30, 1961

    His assistant: a mechanic.

    Length of operation: Two hours.

    How he did it: He positioned himself so that he could see his own body using a mirror when doing the surgery. But as he notes, that meant he was seeing things on the wrong side.

    He made a 12 cm incision through which he found the appendix.

    He published a short note about this in the Soviet Antarctic Expedition Information Bulletin, no. 37, pp. 42-44, 1962.

    I did not sleep at all last night. It hurts like the devil! A snowstorm whipping through my soul, wailing like a hundred jackals. Still no obvious symptoms that perforation is imminent, but an oppressive feeling of foreboding hangs over me … This is it … I have to think through the only possible way out: to operate on myself … It’s almost impossible … but I can’t just fold my arms and give up.

    I worked without gloves. It was hard to see. The mirror helps, but it also hinders — after all, it’s showing things backwards. I work mainly by touch. The bleeding is quite heavy, but I take my time — I try to work surely. Opening the peritoneum, I injured the blind gut and had to sew it up. Suddenly it flashed through my mind: there are more injuries here and I didn’t notice them … I grow weaker and weaker, my head starts to spin. Every 4-5 minutes I rest for 20-25 seconds. Finally, here it is, the cursed appendage! With horror I notice the dark stain at its base. That means just a day longer and it would have burst and …

    At the worst moment of removing the appendix I flagged: my heart seized up and noticeably slowed; my hands felt like rubber. Well, I thought, it’s going to end badly. And all that was left was removing the appendix … And then I realised that, basically, I was already saved.

    Two weeks later, he was back on duty.