nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, February 17, 2019

    tony what is the purpose of anything? 

    dear tony, why should we try? why should we try to push the boundaries, the envelope, whatever you want to call it? why shouldn’t we just march in formation and do whatever the person with the loudest bullhorn says?

    dear sweet reader,

    i don’t know about you. but when i look at the map of the USA my eyes move from right to left. often very quickly.

    when i look at the East Coast i see the past. i see a bunch of smooshed up places all knotted up with each other and really only one or two of the places matter. boston knows it doesnt matter which is why theyve flooded the place with colleges so they could figure it out.

    but ive figured it out. we need progress, which is why the eye moves from right to left on the map. from the past to the wholesomeness to the wild west. the west is the future. somewhat the present but more the near future.

    we need that progress to live. ask Payless and Sears and Circuit City what happens when you are not constantly progressing. you die. you die right there in the rut that you buried yourself in.

    is it exhausting to be ahead of the pack? isn’t easier to just lay back and coast along with the middle? yes. and fewer bugs hit your windscreen. and you’re more likely to hit a pothole or black ice or a swarm of bees.

    but is also provides the best view, the most excitement, and schools aren’t named after followers, they’re named after leaders, explorers, warriors.

    do your job. live up to expectations. make magic when no ones looking.

    and get fucking schools named after your ass

  2. Friday, February 15, 2019

    heres the thing you cant worry about 

    you cant worry about Google. people may search you and read the wrong thing. but they might read the right thing too. so you cant worry.

    what you should worry about is being good. are you a good person? is your heart in the right place? are you kind? are you trying?

    on a different level you can worry about are you doing interesting things or using whatever gifts you have or are you underachieving. but that first part is more nuanced than most of us realize. and by us i mean me of course.

    good is fine but theres another level. are we there yet ice cube?

    i have a rule that if anyone on the street asks me for money i’ll give it to them. but the other day there was this guy in a doorway, sitting on cardboard, it was cold and wet. and he never asked. we passed him and said hello. he said nothing. and when we passed him again he said nothing. i should have given him something.

    but sometimes i think anything i do for this guy is meaningless. what’s a dollar or two gonna matter. but i gotta tell you, when i was driving uber, a $2 tip would completely fuel me for two hours. any instance of positive reinforcement is welcome in my life, why would that guy be any different?

    so thats what i mean about a higher level of goodness. and thats just a dumb example. theres way more personal and important ones.

    for example i should go to yoga with my gf. she would like that.

  3. Thursday, February 14, 2019

    it was valentines day 

    so i watched a bunch of movies for an interview ive gotta do

    took a shower

    got some texts from the girl that she would be home soon.

    listened to the rain and then lack of rain

    threw on her robe and my new cubs spring training cap

    and met the nice femme at the door with a smile and a small plan.

    because she goes to work so early in the morning, she can be back at a reasonable hour which allowed us, in this case, to be at this nice italian restaurant before 6pm, which on vday

    in los feliz,

    is the perfect time to be there, especially without a reservation.

    but ive gotta tell you, i wasnt blown away by the place, Lil Doms. big prices for small dishes is a trend that should go away. if a man is gonna order spaghetti and meatballs, maybe sell them the LA size plate for $18, like they do, but they should also sell a midwestern size for $4-5 more.

    how much does a few more balls and noodles really cost.

    got home, started a fire, and ate four slices of toast because Dom doesn’t give you free bread either.

    odd place.

    cozy, dark, decent music, and perfect for a 6pm vday dinner but maybe thats it.

  4. Wednesday, February 13, 2019

    todays ambers birthday, shes 34 

    if you want to get her a gift may i recommend m&ms, peanut flavor.

    i bought her this 3 lb tub and gave it to her when we got home from the concert and by lunch the next day it was almost gone.

    that is how she is about everything. she goes full throttle on whatever she loves.

    she gets to work an hour early. sometimes earlier. when she reads a book, she tries to finish it before the day is over. when she watches a tv series she wants to see all of them.

    NEXT EPISODE! she’ll yell. and i say, no, it’s sleepytime. and she’ll say NEXT EPISODE!

    she cries at movies, she cries at concerts, she will not only wear anything you give her but she’ll find matching socks. she texts so many friends that today the texts just flowed in. all through lunch. all through game of thrones. all through the day.

    why? because her heart is pure. she knows its pure too which is why she wont answer direct questions. she tries to guess where you’re going. im like, have you seen the inside of my brain? you’re not gonna guess where im going. but the fun thing is i dont know where shes going either.

    she deserves better. she deserves a mellow prince. she deserves someone who drinks coffee. i’ll never drink coffee.

    today i was all what do you wanna do? she said. i said, a movie? she said no. i said, theres this great movie i wanna take you to, cold war. she said im gonna take a walk. when she got home she said, lets order thai and watch like 3-4 hours of game of thrones.

    i dont know about her, but i loved her birthday.

  5. Sunday, February 10, 2019

    fuck yeah greg mcilvaine 

    last night, in a beautifully appointed rented soundstage in atwater village

    greg vaine, your boy, invited bandmates from groups he’s rocked with since he was a teen,

    to his time in isla vista,


    and now back in LA.

    there were reunions, surprises, cover tunes, a taco hat,

    multiple costume changes,

    it could have gone on all weekend.

    it’s a testament to how loved greg is and how many different genres of music are better when he’s on guitar.

    i hope we do this every 50 years.

  6. Friday, February 8, 2019

    what if the what ifs are right 

    what if the voices are speaking from the future and they know and theyre there to protect us and especially you then what do you do what do you say what if they know

    which is an excellent question for this weeks ask tony and i know the answer to that perfectly and here it is

    there are two songs on the playlist. neither are good. the one is the mopey sad scared boring panicking drone that says its not gonna happen everyones out to get you the end of the world is nigh

    the other is saying oh but youre the exception to the rules youre the chosen one youre the golden child incapable of failure, try, try, try all will be well, and then vacation a little more you deserve it!

    dont you think basketball players at the free throw line hear the people booing and shouting and trying to distract them

    of course. and they know theres nothing good in listening, so they listen to the other song, you can make this, you can do this, you have done it, youve done it millions of times, just hit it and smile on your jog back down the court

    practice your acceptance speeches, not your defenses

    prepare for success, not death

    seek out the fuck yes

  7. Wednesday, February 6, 2019

    First Trump, now this. Is nothing sacred? 

    Must everything be put through the shit machine and devalued for the all mighty dollar or the spectacle of novelty? Let’s hire a bozo to run the country, let’s let the failed experiment in the AL become the new normal in the senior circuit.

    Even though my Cubs will benefit today, where will kids learn about the nuances and strategies of managing an NL team in the late innings with a hot pitcher who can’t hit. Do you pinch hit? Do you pull him?

    Not everything should be a video game. Not everything should change because “kids today” aren’t interested.

    Kids today love Hamilton, smoking Juuls and “dancing” to terrible music.

    Actual adults, the majority, don’t mind if baseball games last 4 1/2 hours and pitchers as a whole only hit .133. It’s their failures at the plate that make their successes so much sweeter. It is a reflection of the everyman. It is us. 300 pound washed up sluggers in a DH slot are none of us.

    I want my country back.

  8. Sunday, February 3, 2019

    stupid bowl 

    adam levine, the singer of the extremely mediocre Maroon 5, could have become a rock and NFL legend today

    musicians from Rihanna to Cardi B turned down the honor of performing at halftime of the Super Bowl this year, in solidarity against the obvious collusion that has kept quarterback Colin Kaepernick out of the NFL.

    through their performance levine took off a jacket, a sweater, and then his shirt before ending the show bare chested and stupid. if under his sweater was a Kaepernick jersey, levine would have won the hearts of gazillions.

    instead neither he nor the band wanted to acknowledge the elephant in the room and they pranced around like dingos, did their tunes, and got off the stage.

    by now we should know that Maroon 5 will not save us. neither will most of the flashes in the pan that for one reason or another hang around beyond their expiration date.

    but in the realm of rock n roll, there is a beautiful history of rebellion and protest that should never be forgotten. once upon a time tattoos were the symbol of defiance and individuality. today it’s just another accessory.

    the nfl chose the right johnny bravos to keep things as least interesting as possible, but one day rock will return.

  9. Saturday, February 2, 2019

    its cold in chicago and wet here in LA 

    it’s so nice to hear the rain

    it’s pouring right now. it’s 620am.

    ive been working all day.

    i sleep till noon and work till 5-6am. little breaks here and there. like to eat.

    or clean out the kitty litter. or watch 1 episode of game of thrones with the missus.

    it’s not the life you think it is. i am a hermit. i dont leave. if i really push myself i will walk to the grocery store.

    tomorrow i will work through the super bowl and hopefully by its end i will be done for the week and i can enjoy monday and tues with amber.

    we were gonna go to palm springs but its so cold and wet why bother.

    shes gonna go to yoga a bunch and im gonna declutter like the tidy lady and then go see 2-3 movies with her.

    i have a very simple, life. we drove to get a pizza last night. $5 if you pick it up.

    so we picked it up.

    see how glam life is here in hollywood.