nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, April 11, 2019

    wildfires to wildflowers 

    my mom says God can fix everything, just be patient

    there were very few things she shoved down my throat

    very calm, trusting, freedom-loving woman.

    she didnt bother me about church and for the rest of my years i loved the good book

    she didn’t bother me about literature and politics and music, and i love those too

    she didnt tell me i watched too much tv or wrote too much

    she encouraged me in whatever i loved, and i thank her for that.

    and any time i see beautiful flowers i think of her.

    this weekend when amber and i drove through malibu and thousand oaks (pictured)

    and we saw all the wildflowers, i wanted to fly my mom out here to see them with her

    because they’re poppin right now, big time.

  2. Wednesday, April 10, 2019

    all my electronics died today 

    phone, laptop, it was a mess.

    tvs worked though, and since i have three of them i put em to work.

    watched a mess of Nardwuars. greatest interviewer of all time.

    watched a few hours of Steve Albini talk about analogue vs digital and how some recording studios are terrible but the barns outside next to them are way better, acoustically.

    listened to duff from guns n roses talk about punk and then watched him jam with janes addiction

    saw an old velvet revolver appearance on letterman and forgot how good they were

    watched dave on carson commiserate about leno stealing the tonight show from him

    then watched conan do about the same thing on dave’s show about leno stealing the tonight show from him

    then took a nap

    then watched the cubs game

    then had a serious discussion with amber which ended up with her agreeing and agreeing as she dozed off to sleep

    when i was a teenager. 16 or so. i spent the summer learning how to sail in sausalito.

    little boats that loved to capsize in the middle of that freezing cold bay.

    some days itd be so windy it would create white caps on the top of the water

    and some days, these would be rare mind you, but there wouldnt be any wind

    you had to race in both conditions and in all the elements in between.

    these were great lessons for a young person to learn:

    how do you win when theres lots of activity and how do you win when theres none.

    if you try the same techniques when its not windy as you do in the wind, you will lose by a mile.

    wasnt any wind today inside my house. tons outside.

    cubs lost

  3. Tuesday, April 9, 2019

    cubs won their home opener yesterday under the sun 

    five hall of famers were there, the fans were warmed due to the unseasonably comfortable temps

    cubs bats were hot, the pitchers shut out their foes

    but i missed Harry.

    sometimes i wonder do people miss me?

    i was watching something on tv after the game – something about punk rock

    and they said they were glad that this one or that one wasnt around anymore because

    he was such a jerk to people.

    and i wondered, do people think im a jerk?

    it’s tough in life. they tell you to stand up for yourself. and for others. and for ideals.

    but then they also say dont burn bridges.

    amber and i went to church on sunday and the lady preacher was soooooo nice.

    i made a point to shake her hand after all of it and tell her that i loved her sermon about the prime minister of new zealand and how the church was so wonderful and the music was so good

    and how it was the first sermon that i had ever heard where the person said

    if you are gay or straight black brown or white

    if you are a believer or a non believer

    you are welcome.

    and she said i dont believe we have met.

    am i that recognizable? i feel like i blend in to the gray walls so easily. but i guess not.

    harry you are missed. your laugh. your energy. your love of so many things, not just baseball.

    i love that when he got the job for the cardinals, the owner of the team, who was also the co owner of budweiser, said, harry you are so great, this town is yours. anything you want is yours and i will help you get it.

    my only rule is do not try to date my daughter.

    and guess who harry caray dated

    and then married.

    and got fired for loving?

    all are welcome in my heart.

  4. Sunday, April 7, 2019

    the good life 

    probably gonna die soon because i cant get a job, but it’s ok

    i got to see most of the best bands in the world

    ive had the greatest friends and sweetest girlfriends

    went to europe a few times, canada, mexico

    new york city.

    today amber and i went to malibu to see if the wildflowers had covered the scorched earth

    and they blanketed it with so much beauty that i was taking pictures of gorges and spillways and ditches

    everything just popping with yellows and purples and green green green until it frenched kissed mr blue sky

    like me, amber has been in LA for so much of her life that she has stories to tell around every corner

    this is where we saw a ghost. this is where i littered. this is where a girl kissed me right on the lips.

    first we went to the pch mcdonalds across the street from nobu. i wanted fries. we ended up spending $11 and giving our toy to a little boy who already had the same toy.

    he wisely traded it for a different one at the counter.

    then we went to neptunes net past county line because i wanted something in my sour stomach other than mcnuggets fries and a coke

    but my tummy said nah just kiss the girl and take pics of her in front of the motorcycles

    she had on this tight leotard and short shorts and the bikers checked her out from head to toe

    said this and that and i’ll tell you one thing about me, very little bothers me in this world when it comes to men appreciating the women im with.

    he sure looks happy i heard one say.

    i winked

    i do look happy.

    we went up kanan dune to thousand oaks and the hills were all hi hi hi hi hi

    loooooooooook at ussssssssssss!

    all sorts of greens and just 3d waves of yellow flowers probably dandelions but the tallest proudest ones ever. like jose canseco juiced em. like it was a gay parade and they were dancing on the coolest float.

    am i really gonna die? consider the dandy lions of the bu

    fire singed them and all their friends

    smoke choked them for weeks

    airplanes then slathered them in chemicals

    see how they rose from the ashes

    bettern ever

    like kanye and daft punk


    waving to the shiny cars

    hi tony

    hi amber

    they sure looked happy


  5. Saturday, April 6, 2019

    ive seen a bunch of movies the four weeks 

    i have the amc theater subscription that lets you see three movies a week for $25 a month.

    it can be imax, 3d, premium theaters, anything, and it’s a good chunk of what’s out there.

    living in hollywood, theres 7 theaters within a 9.5 radius of me. over 70 different screens.

    but lets say you’re enjoying a few days out in palm springs or scottsdale and wanna see Gloria Bell

    well you can do that too

    i saw Us the same day i saw the Motley Crue thing on Netflix and it pained me to realize i liked the trashy hair metal bio pic better than the stylized mind trip masquerading as a horror flick.

    im told Us is better the second time, and i must say i feel the same way about The Dirt.

    another guilty pleasure was The Beach Bum which is utterly ridiculous but was beautiful to watch

    and i felt supercharged afterwards.

    arent movies supposed to be art?

    isn’t it interesting to watch your buttons get pushed and your feelings get futzed with

    while your senses are tingling, in my case, additionally due to the on-the-money soundtrack

    maybe im an easy audience but i also liked Alita: Battle Angel

    i wasn’t expecting much but i was more than impressed by the live action / animation sfx bruiser

    plus you have christoph waltz and mahersala ali – four oscars between them – in surprisingly intricate roles

    i dont know why i expected a james cameron / robert rodriguez movie to be bad, but im an idiot

    was not in the slightest bit scared during the remake of Pet Semetary, the story steven king says was the one story that freaked him out.

    is there something wrong with me? probably. i will cry in movies no problem but rarely am i scared.

    is it because ive seen it all? am i really a million years old?

    i thought it was a trudge through most of it, but i was stunned at how well the third act was.

    still i give it a D and feel totally alienated when i read good reviews about it

    Dumbo was another one that i had low expectations for and that Disney magic got me

    how do they do it?

    last night i saw Shazam in imax at citywalk

    you dont have to watch it on a giant screen but it sure looked good.

    i laughed i cried i cheered. this is my favorite movie of the year so far.

    it is everything you should want from a comic book superhero origin story

    whoever the dude is playing shazam couldnt have been more perfect

    dc has done an excellent job of putting b and c-list actors in leading roles for

    wonder woman, aquaman, and now shazam

    and because the movies are so well written and well made

    the movies become monsters and the stars become super famous.

    its money ball for movies.

  6. Wednesday, April 3, 2019

    brought ramen home last night 

    amber was all, see this table we are standing at?

    id like chairs.

    i said, so you’re saying eating in bed is no longer charming?

    she said, and this stuff under the table? it should be in that closet.

    and the things in the closet should go away.

    i asked, anything else?

    she said, yes, and she walked into the living room.

    miraculously she was holding a clipboard.

    where did that come from?

    i said, hey is that Lady Gaga? i pointed at the front door.

    and ran out the back door.

  7. Tuesday, April 2, 2019

    i had a good day, praise God 

    i dont know how much free will we have. but heres my guess.

    when i was a kid they had electric slot cars that you could get from the sears catalogue for like $50-$60

    which was a lot of money in those days. a house cost a nickel.

    the thing about these slot cars were you could go fast but if you took it too hard around the corners they would fly off into the dining room and you had to go get em and put em back

    i think God sees us fly off sometimes and he’ll put us back when he sees fit

    or maybe not at all if he’s tired with your triflin ass.

    for a week i was nervous about today and i thought i was gonna spiral off in a way

    that would have me inconvenienced, lets say, for the rest of the year.

    but that wasnt the case at all.

    my weird little whip around the corner was fun, oddly.

    and afterwards i picked up the pretty girl. drove her home.

    she wanted to work on this thing shes doing. so i went back to burbank

    and watched Dumbo in iMax and it was good.

    so thank you Lord!

  8. Monday, April 1, 2019

    took amber to see “the beach bum” last night 

    she hadn’t seen any of Harmony Korine’s films (Gummo, Spring Breakers, Julien Donkey Boy) but i had and loved him.

    i love how free his characters are, how complicated he makes them. equal parts disgusting and wild, selfish and unconscious. do they have feelings? do feelings limit us? are morals important? should we push tuba players into the sea? should we kill cats and sell them to the grocer? is drinking and driving bad?

    he pushes all the buttons about sex drugs and rock in this one. friendship. marriage. even crossdressing. it’s a wild journey through the vessel of oscar winner matthew mcconaughey who goes through ups and downs, but the low points dont effect them the same way it would you and i. which is inspirational to a point, but unbelievable. this is a man who can be homeless, live among the poorest, and then ride in a giant yacht with snoop dogg and have exactly the same experiences.

    isnt that what we should all aspire for? isn’t that how life should be?

    harmony’s extremes have always included neon colors and boozing and guns and drugs and music (an excellent array here from The Cure to Jimmy Buffet to many sounds of the 70s) and random topless women.

    it can be startling to endure 90 minutes of debauchery from a character who you are trying to determine if you like or not. he is a poet. or at least he thinks he is. his agent, played poorly by the usually talented jonah hill, thinks he’s a great writer. in fact everyone including the judge who is deciding whether or not to send him to jail thinks he’s hugely talented. but is he? (yes) and is that enough to let him get away with acting like a spoiled brat? (maybe)

    when the film was over and people were still in their seats, Amber, who is also a free spirit, said, loudly, THAT WAS THE WORST MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN.

    as we walked out, we passed a group. from it emerged a voice that said THAT SUCKED. I HATED IT. it was a mom with a huge scowl on her face. WE WASTED SO MUCH MONEY AND TIME ON THAT! she marched away from the group. I tried to console her by saying amber agreed with her. but that didn’t turn her frown upside-down. she clomped her way into the ladies room, her wildly dressed daughters trying to catch up behind.

    Well, I liked it. I told them. They said, we did too.

    I said, I couldn’t wait to see it.

    SAME! they said.

    I asked, have you seen Gummo.

    They said OMG YES!

    then amber said, oh so i guess I’m the mom and you relate to the hot young chicks. Nothing has changed.