busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, July 29, 2019

    it’ll be interesting to see how this day turns out 

    i have a life changing document i need to submit either today or tomorrow

    id like to do it today because tomorrows ambers only day off for the week

    and we are scheduled to hang out with my sister and her kids

    it’s 244pm and i really should reread all 10 pages, cut it down 30% and shock the world.

    then i need to mail an ebay sale i made.

    youd think those two things could be done before 420 but i am sooooo bad at mailing things it’s nuts

    and as for the life changing document, ive been procrastinating it this long

    because i was waiting on something else to happen but who knows if that will ever happen

    who knows about anything

    which is why you really should take life into your own hands

    be the captain of yr own destiny

    and just do the things you wanna do

    thats what my friends convinced me to do saturday night at 333am after the brothers steve show

    and because my friends are the greatest, i think i may follow their advice

  2. Saturday, July 27, 2019

    this guy should be on TV 

    Erik Jabs of Jabs Family is the baseball card dude who is amazing on youtube

    he opens new super expensive boxes

    he opens older boxes

    fans love him so much they give him cards

    he used to ball hawk a lot

    but maybe the most interesting thing is when he uses his years of knowledge and goes to yard sales

     

  3. Friday, July 26, 2019

    had two great lunches today 

    the first was with henry fuhrmann, who was copy chief when i was at the times, managing editor, defender of the faith, role model, card shark, and man who i’d go to for guidance about fun things like

    how many puns can i get away with on this story about anthony wiener?

    i think we had a nice lunch like 6 years ago and so we were overdue. spent two hours talking about journalism, the people from the past, those in the present, and what he thought my future held.

    meanwhile i tried to encourage him to spread these tales among the youth of america and he was all LOL who wants to hear that

    but everyone should.

    then drove clear across town to check out my bro’s new pad in santa monica. dude has five tvs in his one bedroom apartment and this Nest spycam doorbell thing that i always thought was $200 and like $20 a month but he says nope its a one time purchase for $150 and then its free storage for a month.

    suddenly i want it very badly.

    we ate at this chinese joint i like to go to when im over by there. california wok on wilshire. when i win the lottery theres a few things im gonna do. im gonna send my mechanic on vacation because this dude told me he hasnt had a vacation in 15 years because its a family business and theres not a lot of markup on anything (which is sorta why i was there) and his pops needs him there and no one else can fill in for him so there you have it no vacation. so i figure $20k should cover closing the shop and paying for the vacations of the 4 mechanics?

    but the other thing i wanna do is buy california wok and turn it into a fun place. currently its stuffy, quiet, sorta unloved. there needs to be a piano player in there, maybe a comedian on the weekends. maybe dancing at midnight. oh i have ideas.

    got home and watched the cubs lose and did everything except what i was supposed to do which was finish my proposal for this thing that even henry liked. and send my resume to the one headhunter in the entire galaxy who said she would find me work.

    whats wrong with me?

    is it the heat? the planets? do i not want help? why do i think i have to do everything alone? nothing good ive ever done was done alone. the magic was working with and being inspired by Others.

    mick’s solo records and keefe’s are awful. but the Stones… now thats something.

    teamwork makes the dream work busblog so give that lady your glorious past and buy a new suit.

    july goes out like a silly pout and august coming in like a lion

  4. Wednesday, July 24, 2019

    dear log, 

    my personal life is at a noine.

    and i see some light at the end of the tunnel for my professional life.

    ive got two things out there that may come true.

    one is the longest shot youve ever seen.

    but the good thing is i am dictating exactly what it is, down to every detail, it probably won’t be approved because it’s basically saying

    hi im christopher columbus, im gonna sail the ocean blue, with three ships, the pinta and minta and the gloria bell and i know all the maps say im gonna fall off the edge of the world

    and there might be dragons

    and as the doors said, no one here gets out alive

    but i think i know the exact route. and when i get there im gonna plant my flag in Ohio and theyre gonna love me. and imma come back with exotic plants and animals and everythings gonna be different forever. and ever. for all of us. and its gonna cost a ton of cash, but i think i know where to get it.

    the other thing is super fun too because it’s almost just like what i have been doing for the last five years, but different in all the right ways.

    my odds of getting another interview for that one is high. mostly because i am uniquely qualified. youd think they would have just stopped the search after i applied but my luck isn’t like that. ive gotta work for inch. which i fine. you get stronger that way.

    so the other day i was reading wikipedia because thats how bored i have been. and i learned about the tallest stack of pallets in the world (pictured). this guy i guess was super despondent that his little daughter had died. so he got all these wooden pallets and stacked them on her grave(?!) it grew to like 2,000 pallets.

    eventually some of them fell down and a few others were cleared out. but then one day he got the wise idea to make it a historical eyesore or something, i mean, a landmark. and the city okayed it.

    later one of the commissioners said they must have been drunk that day.

    the city?

    the city of angels.

    former home of the tallest wooden pallet stack in the world.

    (when the dude died his kids sold the property for millions and they took away the pallets and built condos.)

  5. Saturday, July 20, 2019

    i feel like im always working on secret projects 

    but since the last one ended poorly im not really keen on calling this one that

    but what can you do

    taylor swift just told me to shake it off

    so i will

    hi.

    how was your day?

    amber asks me that sometimes and i say

    the first thing they tell wives of xbi agents is never ask that question

    because we are sworn to secrecy

    but also, if we werent it would be the saddest list youve ever heard.

    just say i hope your day was good.

    she asked, so im your wife?

    no.

    drove through echo park and into east LA today. there was a time a few decades ago that a black man would have not done that unless he was totally lost. but i was totally not lost and it was nice to do.

    just little circles.

    saw two kids in matching tuxes get out of a huge Hummer stretch limo

    i yelled out the window: WHATS THE OCCASSION?

    i dont spell well when i yell

    he said, MY COUSIN’S 16th BIRTHDAY

    mazel tov i said and turned the radio back up.

    i have a good life, america. i have good friends. i have seen some stuff. i have survived. how?

    ive been blessed, thats how.

    i just said hey alexa play miles davis birth of the cool

    and music came out of a little box

    in perfect quality

    my mom can tell you that when i was in college i drempt up that very scenario

    and thankfully someone else went through the hassle of making it come true

    i love you said amber

    i love you too said vous

  6. Thursday, July 18, 2019
  7. Wednesday, July 17, 2019

    why am i procrastinating: a film 

    fortune teller looked at my palm

    she said you’re holding back, why do you think that is?

    i said, what does my palm say?

    she said, it says look into the crystal ball

    i said wheres that?

    she said yr heart.

    i said im probably procrastinating because ive been dealt a long series of nos lately and im a sensitive poet and i take those things very personally and it crushes my fragile ego and my body says just curl up and die in a ball instead of trying

    she said, wrong heart, that was the heart of a coward. you’re tony pierce, look into your heart.

    and in my heart there was a party going on. everyone was dancing around or telling jokes or playing in a band or eating cake or being jolly and singing songs.

    i asked, what was the question again?

    she said, why are you dragging your feet on the ladder of success?

    i said, cuz theres poop on the soles of my shoes and im trying to get them off?

    she said, just take off the shoes entirely, we are a happy family.

    i said ok now what

    she said, rise.

    rise!

  8. Tuesday, July 16, 2019

    this is the thing, i could cheat if i wanted to 

    i could always cheat. smart people are the best cheaters.

    but i dont wanna cheat. just like how i never cheat in fantasy sports. when you get that stupid silly golden trophy next to your team name you wanna know that you earned it. that you did all the right things.

    and then you tell your brothers and sisters what youve learnt.

    but if you cheat, whattya gonna say, “so heres how you screw over the people doing it right”?

    i may never have a garage with a fridge in the back. and if i do i might be so old i’ll only have pepto bismol and depends in there. but if i ever get it i will be able to invite the mtv cribs crew down and say i did this the old fashioned way

    i earned it.

    which isnt to say that the cheater way isnt earning it too. theres work to do there as well. namely shady people. and you might say, ah ha, but werent there shady people where you worked at mcdonalds and the tv store? yes. but the people i loved were in places that were not shady. at the record store. at the newspapers. at the radio station. etcetera.

    also i have a crazy feeling that in heaven right now is St. Peter eating popcorn on a huge laz-y-boy recliner and theres angels and saints all around him and theyve got me and maybe 100 other dudes going through the Struggle and any time one of them does something super shady out of desperation they all go “awwwww”

    and his name gets erased from the Big Board. not that he isnt going to go to heaven, but he let down the boyz. hank aaron and babe ruth’s numbers are amazing because they didn’t cheat. and in hank’s world, just the opposite happened. you know there were some umps that called every damn pitch a strike just to screw him over. but he sat in there and did the right thing. day after day. year after year.

    it is so tempting to do the thing, no matter how short term, that isn’t best behavior busblog. but i keep thinking about all those bible stories where people just trusted. no matter how crazy or dire. they hung in there.

    dont you wanna be someone who is reliable no matter what?

    dont you want, for example, a car, that doesnt break down, even if it’s outta gas, or low on oil, or has crappy tires and it’s raining. it has every reason to just Not be the cool car you always have. but it hangs in there. it muscles through.

    i have been a good this, a good that, ive done well on that thing, and so now it looks like the test in front of me is can i make it to this next step without panicking and doing something shameful. just cuz it’s easy. and just cuz it would make me richer than ive ever been.

    sunday i read the part in the bible where Jesus was tempted by Satan. he went though that for 40 days straight, without eating anything.

    at the end of it Satan said, just turn those rocks into bread loaves and Jesus said

    almost got me, but nope.

     

  9. Saturday, July 13, 2019

    im gonna start a podcast this weekend 

    im not gonna release it until i have 25 episodes in the can

    it’s gonna be good.

    for a long time i avoided podcasts because everyone has one and who needs another one

    and who wants to rush into an oversaturated situation

    but thats a silly way to look at anything.

    i wouldnt tell people not to get a twitter account or a facebook, merely because everyones on it.

    and when it came to blogs, i have always encouraged people to have multiple blogs – even during the blogosphere era when literally everyone *did* have blogs.

    i also wanna do this podcast because i am competitive and it would be interesting to see if i could make something that adds to whatever is out there.

    one of the voices that goes through your head when youre getting rejected by places you would love to work at is, “you are no longer of value. find a hole to crawl into. despite the economy booming and unemployment at its lowest in years, you should sell oranges in a parking lot out of a baby carriage. go sleep in your fancy car!”

    so it would be nice to see if i could do something most bloggers haven’t done all that successfully en mass.

    except my friends of course.

    fuckers.

    i was thinking about calling the podcast All My Friends, Ranked

    but i love them, and ranking is passe

    then i was thinking about calling it 25 lies and a Truth

    but dont we have enough bullshit right now

    i know what i want but its twitter handle is taken

    fuckers.

  10. Friday, July 12, 2019

    ive been watching people on youtube who flip things 

    they’ll go to garage sales, thrift stores and estate sales and buy things and run home and sell it on ebay.

    the more professional ones will also have an amazon seller account so they can sell them there too.

    watching these guys made me want to see if i could first sell all the crap I have in my house and then maybe i could think about being a junk flipper like my hero fred g sanford.

    as i was watching one of these guys i noticed i had this Obama action figure, still in the box, under the tv.

    so i looked on ebay to see how many other people were selling them. Just one guy… for $190 shipped.

    like me, the guy is super honest and mentions that a corner of the box is slightly damaged… just like mine is.

    but inside, obi wan obama is experiencing no drama.

    for some reason i went to amazon to see if they sold it there still, after four years, and not only do they, but it reminded me that that’s where i bought this… for $16.34

    however their resellers are selling it for between $400-$450. so this is what i’m thinking. i’m thinking about writing a less dramatic ebay headline than

    Obama Star Wars Rare Jedi Knight Figure Purple lightsaber New In box has damage

    and list it at $325. i’ll show them the minor blemish on the corner and if they choose to go for the $200 one, fine. scram. now i have the lowest price Obama and i will profit over $300.

    millions of people love our greatest black president.

    there are two who want this super rare weird action figure.