nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, August 17, 2019

    every day is saturday 

    do you know everything will be ok?

    do you know that we are so lucky to be here, together. connected in so many ways?

    do you know how great it is to say alexa play bruce springsteen

    and a beautiful mix of random songs by the boss plays from a tiny speaker

    for sorta free.

    do you know how nice this summer vacation has been

    how weird and scary and terrible and wonderful all at the same time?

    do you know what it’s like to end up in a situation where you shouldnt be in but you are and thats ok because you are here for the right reasons, idealistic reasons based in love and creativity?

    do you know how nice it is to have a blog and a twitter following and a facebook of cool friends

    does anyone remember laughter?

    do you know how nice it is to have friends who will give you little jobs and try so hard to get you back in the high life

    do you know that people will deliver pretty much anything you want to your door at all hours for pretty cheap

    do you know the Lord loves us all even though we are all ridiculous fuckups?

    do you know that all of this will be things we will laugh about later, even the saddest most horrible things that we did not deserve, even the meanest people who were just lost and scared and deserve our love?

    do you know the Cubs won the world series in the middle of the night in november in cleveland and even though there was a giant party where 5 million people showed up and nobody got arrested, it’s still hard to believe it was true

    but it was true

    and everything now is the after party

    which is the best party

    and thats why im happy on this saturday

    because post 2016, every day is saturday


  2. Friday, August 16, 2019

    I really hope Miss Ford didn’t give up on her dreams 


    Sometimes you don’t know why you get a rejection letter. Sometimes they spell it out to you. Sometimes you don’t get one at all.

    For decades today’s birthday boy, Charles Bukowski got one rejection letter after another telling him he was gross, disgusting, sloppy, immature, unrefined, and writing about the worst parts of Los Angeles.

    It wasn’t until he turned 51 that he had his first novel published, Post Office, which to this day is beloved, in part because it is gross, disgusting, sloppy, unrefined and about the worst parts of LA. It’s also super funny and totally relatable about how tough it is to work a job you aren’t really into.

    Today Bukowski would have turned 99. It’s incredible that he lived past 35 as that was when he nearly died from a bleeding ulcer from drinking so much and eating so poorly. But someone upstairs wanted him around. I think it was to give us all hope.

    And to show that if you stick to your guns and be yourself, that you don’t have to try to adjust to the times, the world will spin towards you.

    The guy who couldn’t sell a poem to any distinguished outlets for most of his life sold millions of books after his 50th birthday.

    If you are discouraged, hurt, or sad, keep this in mind: They can’t all say no.

    Happy 99th to America’s greatest poet and LA’s patron saint.

  3. Tuesday, August 13, 2019

    been watching the first few twilight zones 

    i dont think, ive ever seen the first seasons for some reason because none of these seem familiar.

    a few are trippy but not what made twilight zone iconic.

    theyve got all the pieces together but it’s not clicking yet

    because amber grew up here and has seen it all we try to figure out which studio lot they were filmed at, then look it up on google

    shes always right.

    its so fascinating how in the early 60s they were so obsessed with both cowboy westerns and going to the moon.

    one foot behind and one foot ahead.

    then there was also the matter of the devil or something like it. you dont see a lot of that these days. maybe because we’ve seen some heinous things recently.

    i read a lot of twitter. theres a lot of bad things out there. the checks and balances seem to be a bit out of wack.

    so you gotta just be one of the good stories in the feed. there are always a few.

    be one of them.


  4. Monday, August 12, 2019

    killer idea that i’ll never do, so here you are 

    it’s called Exit Interview.

    what you do is you build a facebook group of Yelpers. people who are totally used to reporting back at what they saw in great detail.

    and one day you say, check it out, in a week, on this one particular day we are all going to go out in our neighborhoods at 10am and do this one thing, for one hour and then write about it. who’s in?

    and every one who says theyre in refreshes the page and exactly at 9:30am theres a post on the page. something like this:

    go to the motel closest to your house. wait for people to check out of the motel and as they are putting luggage into their cars tell them you’re part of a large group of facebookers who are asking these 5 questions to everyone leaving their motels right now. your names wont be used or your pictures. we just want you to be brutally honest.

    then ask questions like, was the room clean, was it loud, what was the best feature, what was the worst feature and how much did it cost. something like that.

    they do this for an hour trying to get as many people as they can get in that hour and go home and post the results and a picture of the place on the FB group.

    can you imagine if you could get 1,000 people around the country to take a sample of something like that, that quickly?

    my Howard Stern group has 17k people, if only 10 per cent of them did it it would be an enormous number.

    but it could be done for italian restaurants, movies, rent a car places, bars, burger kings, nail salons, hospitals, any thing.

    exit interview.

    yr welcome.

  5. Saturday, August 10, 2019

    one in eleven 

    It is not easy for everyone to make a stand… or even kneel. For every action there is a reaction and as we saw from Colin Kaepernick, sometimes the negative blowback is life-changing. So I respect those who courageously use their moment to peacefully protest.

    Yesterday 26-year old U.S. fencer Race Imboden knelt during the anthem as his gold medal-winning team stood on the podium of the Pan Am Games. Afterwards he tweeted why he took a knee.

    “We must call for change. This week I am honored to represent Team USA at the Pan Am Games, taking home Gold and Bronze. My pride however has been cut short by the multiple shortcomings of the country I hold so dear to my heart. Racism, Gun Control, mistreatment of immigrants, and a president who spreads hate are at the top of a long list. I chose to sacrifice my moment today at the top of the podium to call attention to issues that I believe need to be addressed. I encourage others to please use your platforms for empowerment and change,” he wrote.

    The Powers That Be were not inspired.

    “Every athlete competing at the 2019 Pan American Games commits to terms of eligibility, including to refrain from demonstrations that are political in nature. In this case, Race didn’t adhere to the commitment he made to the organizing committee and the USOPC,” Mark Jones, Vice President of Communications, USOPC said in a statement today.

    “We respect his rights to express his viewpoints, but we are disappointed that he chose not to honor his commitment. Our leadership are reviewing what consequences may result.”

  6. Thursday, August 8, 2019

    Today in Corporate Tweeting: SoulCycle 

    A pinned tweet is one that you want to stay up top so that every visitor sees it first when they click your username.

    A Ratio is when you get fewer likes than comments. This typically happens when the audience is ripping you a new one in disagreement with your tweet. 

    Therefore, should you pin a tweet you’re getting hammered on? Isn’t that defeating the purpose of your “nah bro, everything’s cool” message… because the Ratio is proving that everything is clearly not cool and you didn’t put out the fire – you enflamed it?

    The reason, by the way, that this tweet is getting demolished is bc it’s being accused as being untrue.

    The billionaire hosting the Trump2020 fundraiser is not a “a passive investor,” according to NYT columnist and CNBC Squawk Box co-host.

    If the gentleman is incorrect, set it straight in a new tweet and pin That.

    As the great Doc Searls said years ago in Cluetrain Manifesto, “markets are a conversation.” A pinned tweet acts like a mic drop – the end of a conversation. The ratio begs to differ. Soul Cycle should address the ratio, and clarify its clarification if it can.

  7. Tuesday, August 6, 2019

    it was the day of rest, i had just finished reading the bible 

    and then phone rang

    unlisted number

    familiar voice

    can you come over here and pick up some suitcases and drive them out to las vegas


    right now.

    the bible is pretty clear about not working on the sabbath, but theres great debate as to whether thats a saturday or a sunday

    and even Jesus made some exceptions

    i didnt consider this being tempted because technically it says to work six days and take a day off on the seventh and technically im unemployed.

    how much are you paying?

    a lot.

    whose bags are these?

    rich people’s.

    i put on shorts and a cubs hat and collected the bags. there were lots of them.

    they filled up my trunk, my back seat and my passengers seat.

    were drugs in there? weapons? stacks of cash?

    that was none of my business.

    all i knew is they were paying more money than i had been paid in months and if i died or got arrested or got shot, at least id have a stupid story to tell in the world famous.

    and even though it irritated me that i didnt know what i was transporting, what worried me more was i wasn’t going to arrive in sin city until 1:30am

    i was worried because i get sleepy when i drive long stretches, alone, late at night.

    i learned this when i drove around the country a few months into my reign at LAist.

    often i would pull over after a late lunch and take a nap, but still i’d get sleepy again at 7pm and have to find lodging

    there would be no stopping for this assignment.

    but i did make one stop. two. one for gas and another for a Beyond Beef burger at Carls Jr and a large coke.

    that burger was vegan and it was so tasty i want another one asap.

    i listened to artie lang’s second book, Crash and Burn (2013) as i sped through the night, which was compelling but it’s not the type of stories that put you at ease since they’re mostly tales of him fucking up his life via drugs and drinking and lying and sleeping and being a total ass wipe to everyone around him.

    but it did keep me awake.

    at midnight i made it to the famous Baker thermometer where i took a great picture of a pretty girl once upon a time. back then it was broken but the other night it was working perfectly. my car was telling me it was 100 degrees out there in death valley, at midnight and the giant thermometer was more conservative: 99.

    i took a pic.

    then i texted the luggage owner. i said “im 90 minutes out, right on time.”

    he texted back. “thats great, when you arrive i will be asleep but my daughters will be up. in one of the bags is medicine. important medicine. please text them when you get here.”

    but the number was clearly international and i said, “im not sure i can call that on my phone.”

    originally i was told to leave the bags with the doorman but the doorman wasn’t gonna give me any tip. and if ever a guy deserved a tip it was the one driving all night like springsteen delivering the cocaine i mean medicine

    but it didnt happen.

    i texted when i arrived. the guy said great, thanks.

    he texted the dark colored praying hands emoji

    and that was that.

    no drama obama.

    i deposited the cash in the atm the next day and drove home the long way, still fueled on the adrenaline of breaking all the common sense rules of accepting gigs

    and being a little more desperate to say yes to anything than im comfortable with.


  8. Is the Billboard magazine cover for sale or are they just haters? 

    Why do magazines – especially Billboard – hate Lil Nas X so much?

    Is the story of a gay, 20 year-old rapper with a country song that has set the record for being on Billboard’s Hot 100 the longest in history (18 weeks) not compelling enough to put on its own cover?

    Is it because he’s probably a one-hit wonder? Isn’t that the case for most hits? That didn’t stop them from giving PSY the Elvis treatment when he was just #2 on the same chart.

    Billboard dragged its feet and only put Daddy Yankee in its cover after his run of 16 weeks… but they finally conceded on their year end mop-up issue. Will Nas X have to wait until December?

    But seriously, why no love for the kid who bought the beat for the year’s monster jam for $30 and roped in Miley Cyrus’s dad and later a K-Pop boybander to keep the party going? Are they hating the player or the game?

    He literally hit the high score on their bullshit scoreboard and they stubbornly refuse to give him his well earned props. Why?

    It makes me wonder if the cover is for sale. Has his label, Columbia, refused to pay – rightfully? Is that how Billboard works? Is that the obvious conclusion? Are they forever embarrassed for manually removing the song from the Country chart in March? Did he not handle that with enough class?

    Which raises the question: exactly how many weeks must a brother have his song atop the Billboard Hot 100 until Billboard places him on the cover? How many millions of views must his video get? Is 254 million not enough?

    Billboard isn’t alone. Last week Rolling Stone had the chance to do the right thing by putting the Southern rapper on its cover as part of its New Artist issue but instead chose the teen spirit, Billie Eilish, who is def worthy of praise — but as Babe Ruth said when a reporter asked him in 1930 how he felt about having a larger salary than President Hoover, the Bambino quipped, “I had a better year.”

    Nas X is having the Best Year Ever and yet Rolling Stone didn’t even put his name on the cover of this month’s issue.

    Shout out to the magazines who have given him his rightful props. Leading the pack is Teen Vogue who for the last few years have consistently done the right thing. In June they were the first to give Nas X the cover story treatment. Since then Dazed, Hits, and British GQ have followed suit, but the pithy play has been pathetic to say the least.

  9. Saturday, August 3, 2019

    Dont Look Back 

    Some say there’s no place for a social media professional once he hits a certain age.

    Some say it’s a job for millennials, an entry-level gig that once you turn, say, 35, you’ve worn out your welcome.

    While that may be the case in regards to some brands, when it comes to news, especially entertainment news – with all its rich history – I say it’s good to have someone around who knows that D.A. Pennebaker’s classic Dylan doc doesn’t have an apostrophe in its first word.

    I think it’s good to have someone around who knows that N.W.A dropped the last period in their name.

    I think it’s helpful to have someone in the social media department who knows that Donna Summer had been dead for years before posting on FB that she had just passed.

    What’s the value of ensuring that an organizations tweets are as solid as its copy? Pennies? Dollars? Tens of thousands of dollars?

    Serious people who realize social media posts are capable of flying around the world in a split-second might say that it’s priceless to give off the perception that you actually know what you’re tweeting about.

    And unfortunately 25 year olds, talented as they may be, can’t know everything.

    .. and sometimes they skip the factchecking part where you go to IMDb to double-check spelling.

    When I was hired to do the lowly task of editing the closed captions for the E! Networks, I had a boss who told me “look up every single name, even if you love that person.”

    I’ll never forget that direction. For in even a fleeting caption, our job was to be accurate.

    Today the trades, the experts, and even AP did a great disservice to an award-winning documentarian. In part, I believe, while experienced pros are sitting on the bench… or in my case wasting away on the free agent wire, patiently waiting for the phone to ring.

  10. Friday, August 2, 2019

    pretty girl asked why arent you writing every day 

    and i said i will do anything you want

    she said marry me then

    i said i will write every day i mean

    today i read on the instagram that someone was leaving where i used to work

    and he was a good guy. we had some flare ups which is bound to happen

    but after each one i went to him and shook his hand and apologized

    because when youre 2x as old as someone and you get into it with them

    and youre xbi

    and theyre just a nice sweet young man you should lead by example

    which sometimes means have excellent ideas

    but sometimes it means knowing how to take the L

    and being cool about it.

    because we forget but we are all role models for each other

    he is for me and i am for him.

    we learn from mimicking and when the day is done after 8 hours a day for years

    do i want people to learn the wrong things from me or the right things

    the thing i want them to learn is honestly communicate and trust that it will be ok

    so if i rip you to shreds using my superpowers, how are you gonna trust to be honest ever again?

    anyways he was a good hard worker with lots of skills and he loves love loves movies

    which you think everyone does over there, but hes a gd cinefile,

    i know a few others who are like that and six seven months ago i tagged them all in an instagram

    and i said you three should all know each other.

    you should all be friends.

    which might be sweet on paper but irl it might be awkward.

    i learned some other things too and then picked the pretty girl up

    and we saw this guy at the store, the west hollywood grocery store

    and he had no shirt on and he was nothing but muscles but not in a gross way

    like an aquaman way minus any tattoos and he had shorts on and amber said

    oh hes a go go dancer across the street and she couldnt stop staring

    and she finally apologized and then apologized again

    and just now she made me a grilled cheese plus ham

    as van morrisson sings thru the amazon echo

    in america