busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, August 31, 2019

    had to do a favor for a guy 

    dude says do you know san francisco

    i said, nope

    he said, your thing says you lived there for years.

    i said what thing

    he said the thing

    i go those things are always full of flaws

    he said did you not live there for 4 years at the dawn of the internet and you started your own company and you sold beers for the giants and

    you left because you read something in the new testament about the rich prince?

    i said those reports have sure gotten specific

    he goes do this thing be back soon heres a bunch of cash

    next thing you know we’re on fishermans warf eating three types of fish and the freshest crab youve ever. we’re sitting on these outdoor stools. a young lady is yelling at the tourists trying to get them to come into her restaurant. there’s five others right next to hers. all selling the same thing.

    i got seats available. who wants lobster? best on the pier!

    i go, baby. let me hold those menus and give it a try

    delicious food guaranteed to help you grow an inch taller. all the seafood is vegan. we dont use salt. and the water’s free. who wants two. i got two right by batters box. free peanuts for the kids. all the proceeds go to charity. thats the bosses girlfriend. who wants a booth. i got a booth. booth of you over there, you look hungry. give the leftovers to the poor. knock on the glass and scare the sea lions. penguins eat free. who needs two!

    next to us was what appeared to be a pimp and his employee. they both seemed happy and not a care in the world. surely they were working but what was their angle. he was ordering food, she was reading a book on her phone.

    something was fishy on the pier.

    amber didnt like the scene so we split. she said she wanted to see all the places id lived.

    i wasn’t that into it but for some reason the streets were empty, everything was desolate. so we sped through town.

    first stop was the apartment a bunch of us lived in on haight street. because no one was in town there was a parking spot right infront of the door. there was a dude on the stairs smoking a cigarette. 40ish. gay. hippie punker.

    i asked do you live here?

    yep

    oh man, i used to live here like 20 years ago.

    he goes, wanna come look around?

    shocked i said, why yes i would!

    the place looks almost like we never left. it’s cluttered with the greatest things you are bound to find on and around the lower haight. mannequins, stuffed animal heads. props, sound equipment, guitars, bars.

    the main living room had been turned into two living rooms. and the middle living room is now the dining room. but with tons of found out and second and third hand furniture.

    perfect!

    the kitchen strangely looked identical except for a holder for the pots and pans and a seriously organized dishes situation next to the sink. someone put some effort into realizing that a victorian with 5 bedrooms and no dishwasher is going to live or die by the dirty dishes solution, what ever that may be.

    the woman was making like three pounds of ground beef. this other guy was eating a thick steak and bonding with amber because they’re both from the valley.

    and a dog waited below waiting for something to fall off the small table.

    upstairs the sole bathroom was modernized slightly and the front room where don lived was identical. and then we got to see my room and it was the natural progression of what it once was: enormous tv, and cool art around the walls.

    what an amazing defiance of gentrification while all around it, the soul was being sucked out of a once vibrant source of idealism and creativity.

    we hugged them many times and amber exchanged phone numbers like eight times to the same guy.

    then we drove to the mission and ate a giant plate of mexican food at el faro lito. all i wanted was a burrito but amber pointed at a picture and out came rice beans enchiladas and salad.

    the scene was amazing. all kinds of young people, some tow truck drivers, a black girl from compton who seemed more high than drunk, and this guy who amber swore was wasted on cocaine.

    got to the hotel, pooped, cuz i had just driven six hours and passed out

    next day i had to mail something for a friend of the busblog

    we did it in this tiny mall that had a safeway in it. freakiest thing. but this mail place had it all. it was all spread out unlike most mail places. theyd do ups, usps, fed ex. and they also faxed. i needed to send a fax. faxing is still a thing right now, readers from the future.

    this place did all of it, had stamps, packing materials. birthday cards. tv going on in the back. for some reason it was my dream store.

    who doesnt want an alternative to the post office that has every little thing youd ever need. markers. tape. confetti.

    only thing it needed was a couple of packs of baseball cards for sale somewhere.

    then we drove to the house of nan king and not only wasnt there a line, but it too had a parking spot right in front of it because everyone was at burning man or some shit. no one was in town. for a good 20 minutes at lunch time, only half of the city’s best chinese restaurant was full.

    how good was it? amber didnt wanna eat there. she eats chinese 3 times a week. usually dollar chinese joints cuz she keeps it super real.

    she was all, nope, if i wanted chinese i woulda gotten something next door to the mail place, a poor man’s panda express called Asia Chinese.

    but when we got there and she bit into the veggie chow mein her eyes got big and she saw the light.

    i had shrimp packets and nanking sweet potatoes with crispy chicken.

    it was then that amber said, why dont you just do people favors for a living. travel the state. eat the foods. fix problems.

    i said, the xbi is dangerous. thats why it pays so well.

    she said, this is an xbi thing?

    we went around the block to the city lights book shop and she got emotional in there

    it is pretty much living history, that book store. and all your friends are on the shelf.

    it was nice that she felt the spirit in there.

    we drove back fast as we could stopping here and there

    and listening to jim acostas book Enemy of the People which he reads to you

    and it reminds you just

    how

    much

    shit

    has hit the fan in the last little while with trump in office.

    you really forget how much of it theres been

    and acosta doesnt go into all of it, but weirdly he was in the center of a big one

    when the white house revoked a member of the press’s hard pass

    because they didn’t like his questions.

    got home and finished my faro lita burrito.

  2. Monday, August 26, 2019

    everything is more than zero 

    ive lived in LA so long and ive met so many people but

    im still a stranger and i havent met you and you and you and you

    in the 80s i met a guy who ended up in brett easton ellis’s book shortly after he met me

    not only did he meet me but he “borrowed” some of my clothes and left behind his super expensive threads.

    i have kissed the prettiest girls. earned money in the fanciest homes. heard the best stories and written a few.

    im thinking about starting an instagram about my neighborhood. i am thinking about every day going out and talking to just one person and either taking their picture or video taping it. even though video tape doesnt exist any more.

    so much doesnt exist. even people. which is why i really need to document them.

    sure theres humans of new york but and no offense but fuck new york. new york is the exception to all the rules. it may as well be a planet in another solar system.

    LA though is different. so different. and hollywood even more so.

    you drive around LA and into other counties. the further the better. and then you come back to this one and it dawns on you “how can anyone afford to live here?” how do they do it. which is im sure what you can say about NY too but fuck NY. why snow? why rain? why the yankees?

    in a million years why the yankees?

    but LA is the american dream. LA is where dreams come true is the best part. LA is where No Cal and Mexico french kiss on a balcony at 12:31am on the last night of summer.

    new york doesnt even have summer.

    his name was atif.

  3. Saturday, August 24, 2019

    i like people who stand for things 

    people can be against things, that’s fine.

    people can try to stop you from your dreams… cool

    but those who will, say, starve themselves because their favorite TV show has been pulled off the air? now those are my people.

    i had just stood in line at the Popeyes on Hollywood Blvd to get that spicy chicken sandwich. i had nothing else to do so i walked home instead of taking the subway – gotta get those steps.

    as i approached Sunset and the Netflix HQ, i saw a woman who i had seen a few times earlier in the week.

    she had her sign that said Save The OA

    but while i was driving in the past i hadn’t noticed that in small print it said Hunger Strike.

    this woman had not eaten in 5 days when i approached her and had the nice little chat in the video.

    i love TV. theres three TVs in my 1BR apartment. but would i stop eating if one of them shut down?

    no. does that make me a bad person?

    and how horrible was i holding a bag of Popeyes chicken talking to a woman who only had drank water for nearly a week? im a monster.

    and then i asked her which foods she missed.

    that proves im terrible.

    so i posted the first minute of this on my Instagram and tagged she and the other young lady who was protesting and it’s already the most popular video of the month on my IG.

    i think i will start roaming around talking to more people.

     

  4. Thursday, August 22, 2019

    had quite a day today 

    it started early in the morning.

    i wanted it to start at 5pm cuz they said u can pick 5pm or 10am in santa monica and i said 5pm and they said too late all we have is 10am

    and because they were paying $200 and beggars cant be choosers i said fine, fuckit, 10am. problem is last night after a delicious thai dinner, i passed out at 8pm. around 1am amber still wasnt in bed and weirdly that wakes me up.

    its not that im afraid shes cheating on me or nothin, i just have grown accustomed to a hot babe spooning my unworthy ass at that hour and when it’s not happening i wake up and my body goes wtf.

    but then my body thinks that four hours of z’s was a nap, and then im fucked till 5am. and my alarm was set for 8 because going from East Hollywood to Santa Monica in the morning is a schlep. i know this because ive been considering jobs on that side of town as that is “Silicone Beach” now and all your favorite companies are there for some reason which is ridic because the rents are the highest, the commutes are the worst and wtf, make your shit in DTLA in cool old buildings surrounded with possibilities.

    woke up, shit showered and didnt shave and listened to the end of Artie Lange’s crash and burn which was touching because it was a little about Bruce Springsteen which was interesting because just yesterday i saw Blinded By The Light which is now my favorite movie of the year.

    got to the place and its 90 minutes with Twitter. and i gave them the best advice and i wonder if they will take it to heart. it was not about a topic that i woulda brought up, which made my advice even that much more magical. this was something that they were really interested in and i gave them The Solution.

    afterwards i had the rest of the day to myself and because i had paid $14 all day parking at santa monica civic i decided to deposit the money and take a little uber bike to venice.

    that was a disaster. in fact my bike got stolen while i was at the ATM and this son of a gun rode the bike for three hours, i shit you not. $50 charge. not sure if he just did a bunch of drug deals or because he couldn’t turn it off, he parked it then someone else stole it. and so on and so on.

    life is so weird.

    so then i tried to take a Bird. but parts of Venice wont let you Bird. they’ll let you rent it but they wont let you ride it. the whole things a racket.

    but Venice was where i had my first ever apartment back in the dark ages. it’s where i had some fun shenanigans. and it was even the place, when i first moved to california, where i would watch the sunset into the ocean as often as possible. cuz they just didnt have that where i came from.

    me and venice are bros. so one lady offered me a taste of some pizza. someone else gave me a bottle of water which i gave to a homeless guy. i watched some skateboarding. i heard these jamacians hustle tourists. it was a good day.

    then i wanted to ride a Metro bike back to the Civic Center but that thing was a royal pain in the ass. I had a Tap card. I had the app. but it didnt matter. today was not my day for riding these things around Venice. So i walked over to Innes Place where i once lived and there i saw this little bike thats motorized. so i took that in the bike lane down Ocean Ave and whattya know right after the Santa Monica line, it died. because Santa Monica doesnt allow them. but it didnt die AT the line, it waited a good block to die. and you cant just leave it there you gotta walk it backward from where you are to end the ride.

    this is why the dinosaurs went extent. they jumped off cliffs due to this nonsense.

    have i mentioned santa monica is not the place where i would put my business?

    got in a lyft then drove to the santa monica kanpai, which was showing the last few outs of the Cubs game. yay. incredible lunch. $30? some handrolls, some spicy albacore, a coke, a smile, and a how ya been from the sushi chef who ive waved at for going on 10 years now.

    feeling strong i drove home beating the rush hour.

    turned on the youtube and watched this guy open baseball cards.

    i dont know why but when im working on things – im working on something – i love having this guy on in the background opening baseball cards. i live vicariously through him. but also he teaches you about the players when he does it.

    one of the things i learned is a perfectly graded Ozzie Smith rookie card is worth $20k-$30k because that year the printing was really bad and a lot of the cards were not perfectly centered. like it’s hugging the right edge or the left edge or the top is a little high up there.

    and sure enough two of my Ozzie Smith rooks are way off-center.

    so i started digging around to see if i had any more, because in 79 i was babysitting my neighbor. and back then cards were 20 cents a pack. so i would ask for 40 cents an hour so i could get two packs of baseball cards.

    how crazy would it be if a card from a pack from my babysitting days could wipe out all my credit card debt and get me on the right side of life again? how bizarre would that be?

    fell asleep thinking about that. woke up and thought, ambers not gonna be home till late, the rolling stones are playing in pasadena. i wonder if people are panicking and selling their tix at the last minute for below cost and i can catch the boys on what will probably be their last huge tour?

    as i was doing that amber called, emotional, and needed me to do something for her over in beverly hills. swimming pools. movie stars. and of course i said yes because yeah its only rock n roll, but i like her.

    so i did the thing. got a hug out of the deal. and had time to kill. so i went to south LA because thats where the nearest Popeyes is and everyones going crazy about their new chicken sandwich. theres a damn chicken war happening right now between Popeyes and Chick Fil Ayyyyy. Wendys is sniping from the brambles too.

    so i go. huge line inside. two giant drive thru lines happening outside. now im listening to Jim Acosta read his book Enemy of the People. so i dont mind waiting 20 minutes for this sandwhich.

    get to the drive through.

    terrible sign.

    outta the sandwiches.

    but at least the Cubs won.

  5. Tuesday, August 20, 2019

    do you know whose birthday it is? the busblog’s! 

     

    18 years old.

    you know how old that is in Internet years? like wayyyy past retirement.

    this blog has been a Godsend.

    i have met people from around the world cuz of it. pretty girls and drunken dudes.

    at least two foreign governments have flown me to their land to have me experience their worlds and write about it here.

    sounds crazy but it’s true.

    this blog has never demanded anything from me and i love that.

    over the last few years i haven’t written in it as much as i used to, but this blog doesnt care.

    it knows what it is and doesn’t need constant validation.

    its like that mysterious foggy swamp near the mississip, it’s fine all by itself

    but if you’re curious enough to explore it, you’ll be mystified by the twists and turns

    sometimes beautiful, sometimes fugly, but never boring.

    how many anythings with over 12,000 posts can say that?

    i love you busblog, 42nd wonder of the world.

    proclaimer of peace love and soul.

    uniter of peoples, home of photos stolen from the www

    graveyard of beautiful lies, half truths, and accidental wisdom.

    will this go on for another 18 years?

    probably.

    hopefully.

    god willing.

    the only question will be, will you stick around for the ride?

    i hope so, because i’ll tell you something, i can see the future and the next 8 years is going to be

    cooler than the last.

    that is my guarantee to you.

    so strap in, pass around the juice boxes, and say yr prayers.

  6. Saturday, August 17, 2019

    every day is saturday 

    do you know everything will be ok?

    do you know that we are so lucky to be here, together. connected in so many ways?

    do you know how great it is to say alexa play bruce springsteen

    and a beautiful mix of random songs by the boss plays from a tiny speaker

    for sorta free.

    do you know how nice this summer vacation has been

    how weird and scary and terrible and wonderful all at the same time?

    do you know what it’s like to end up in a situation where you shouldnt be in but you are and thats ok because you are here for the right reasons, idealistic reasons based in love and creativity?

    do you know how nice it is to have a blog and a twitter following and a facebook of cool friends

    does anyone remember laughter?

    do you know how nice it is to have friends who will give you little jobs and try so hard to get you back in the high life

    do you know that people will deliver pretty much anything you want to your door at all hours for pretty cheap

    do you know the Lord loves us all even though we are all ridiculous fuckups?

    do you know that all of this will be things we will laugh about later, even the saddest most horrible things that we did not deserve, even the meanest people who were just lost and scared and deserve our love?

    do you know the Cubs won the world series in the middle of the night in november in cleveland and even though there was a giant party where 5 million people showed up and nobody got arrested, it’s still hard to believe it was true

    but it was true

    and everything now is the after party

    which is the best party

    and thats why im happy on this saturday

    because post 2016, every day is saturday

     

  7. Friday, August 16, 2019

    I really hope Miss Ford didn’t give up on her dreams 

     

    Sometimes you don’t know why you get a rejection letter. Sometimes they spell it out to you. Sometimes you don’t get one at all.

    For decades today’s birthday boy, Charles Bukowski got one rejection letter after another telling him he was gross, disgusting, sloppy, immature, unrefined, and writing about the worst parts of Los Angeles.

    It wasn’t until he turned 51 that he had his first novel published, Post Office, which to this day is beloved, in part because it is gross, disgusting, sloppy, unrefined and about the worst parts of LA. It’s also super funny and totally relatable about how tough it is to work a job you aren’t really into.

    Today Bukowski would have turned 99. It’s incredible that he lived past 35 as that was when he nearly died from a bleeding ulcer from drinking so much and eating so poorly. But someone upstairs wanted him around. I think it was to give us all hope.

    And to show that if you stick to your guns and be yourself, that you don’t have to try to adjust to the times, the world will spin towards you.

    The guy who couldn’t sell a poem to any distinguished outlets for most of his life sold millions of books after his 50th birthday.

    If you are discouraged, hurt, or sad, keep this in mind: They can’t all say no.

    Happy 99th to America’s greatest poet and LA’s patron saint.

  8. Tuesday, August 13, 2019

    been watching the first few twilight zones 

    i dont think, ive ever seen the first seasons for some reason because none of these seem familiar.

    a few are trippy but not what made twilight zone iconic.

    theyve got all the pieces together but it’s not clicking yet

    because amber grew up here and has seen it all we try to figure out which studio lot they were filmed at, then look it up on google

    shes always right.

    its so fascinating how in the early 60s they were so obsessed with both cowboy westerns and going to the moon.

    one foot behind and one foot ahead.

    then there was also the matter of the devil or something like it. you dont see a lot of that these days. maybe because we’ve seen some heinous things recently.

    i read a lot of twitter. theres a lot of bad things out there. the checks and balances seem to be a bit out of wack.

    so you gotta just be one of the good stories in the feed. there are always a few.

    be one of them.

     

  9. Monday, August 12, 2019

    killer idea that i’ll never do, so here you are 

    it’s called Exit Interview.

    what you do is you build a facebook group of Yelpers. people who are totally used to reporting back at what they saw in great detail.

    and one day you say, check it out, in a week, on this one particular day we are all going to go out in our neighborhoods at 10am and do this one thing, for one hour and then write about it. who’s in?

    and every one who says theyre in refreshes the page and exactly at 9:30am theres a post on the page. something like this:

    go to the motel closest to your house. wait for people to check out of the motel and as they are putting luggage into their cars tell them you’re part of a large group of facebookers who are asking these 5 questions to everyone leaving their motels right now. your names wont be used or your pictures. we just want you to be brutally honest.

    then ask questions like, was the room clean, was it loud, what was the best feature, what was the worst feature and how much did it cost. something like that.

    they do this for an hour trying to get as many people as they can get in that hour and go home and post the results and a picture of the place on the FB group.

    can you imagine if you could get 1,000 people around the country to take a sample of something like that, that quickly?

    my Howard Stern group has 17k people, if only 10 per cent of them did it it would be an enormous number.

    but it could be done for italian restaurants, movies, rent a car places, bars, burger kings, nail salons, hospitals, any thing.

    exit interview.

    yr welcome.

  10. Saturday, August 10, 2019

    one in eleven 

    It is not easy for everyone to make a stand… or even kneel. For every action there is a reaction and as we saw from Colin Kaepernick, sometimes the negative blowback is life-changing. So I respect those who courageously use their moment to peacefully protest.

    Yesterday 26-year old U.S. fencer Race Imboden knelt during the anthem as his gold medal-winning team stood on the podium of the Pan Am Games. Afterwards he tweeted why he took a knee.

    “We must call for change. This week I am honored to represent Team USA at the Pan Am Games, taking home Gold and Bronze. My pride however has been cut short by the multiple shortcomings of the country I hold so dear to my heart. Racism, Gun Control, mistreatment of immigrants, and a president who spreads hate are at the top of a long list. I chose to sacrifice my moment today at the top of the podium to call attention to issues that I believe need to be addressed. I encourage others to please use your platforms for empowerment and change,” he wrote.

    The Powers That Be were not inspired.

    “Every athlete competing at the 2019 Pan American Games commits to terms of eligibility, including to refrain from demonstrations that are political in nature. In this case, Race didn’t adhere to the commitment he made to the organizing committee and the USOPC,” Mark Jones, Vice President of Communications, USOPC said in a statement today.

    “We respect his rights to express his viewpoints, but we are disappointed that he chose not to honor his commitment. Our leadership are reviewing what consequences may result.”