nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, November 10, 2019

    if i lived in chicago this would be me 

    i’d have season tickets. id wake up early for games. id take the train down dere.

    id get wasted before the game at some tailgate.

    id sit in my seat in the cold and the wind, and i’d be pissed most of the time.

    in the summers i would see 40-50 Cubs games.

    id have a house, a nice wife, probably a kid.

    but id never see them between the work and the sports and the drinking.

    i’d probably be dead by now.

    it would have been a tasteful funeral.

    it would have been from getting in a fight in the stands.

    my tombstone would say

    he had it coming.

  2. life is full of disappointments, what can you do 

    Jesus said repent

    but thats such an old school word, people rarely use it any more

    but they should

    it means to feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one’s wrongdoing

    the keyword is sincere.

    i have done some fucked up shitty things in my half century on this crust.

    i am sincerely uptight about them.

    a few of them hurt me to my core.

    if i ever saw a shrink, those few would come out in the first few meetings because they are in my head all the time.

    and i am so sorry about them. it is so out of my character. it is not me.

    i have seen people exhibit the worst parts of their makeup and the good book describes it as being inhabited by demons.

    which again is an old school concept but one that i think should be taken seriously.

    when one is inhabited, we dont strike out at the person but at the demons. and what are demons? souls that have lost their way. Milton says Satan was someone who couldn’t make a heaven of hell, so has decided to make a hell out of heaven. and tell me that that isn’t whats going on when someone we like or love starts acting a fool or saying some fucked up nonsense.

    or worse: doing terrible things.

    there was a time i wanted to be a judge but over time i see how complicated life is. not everything is good or bad, right or wrong. imagine someone does a rolling stop at a stop sign, are they truly criminals? were lives really in danger? but the law says sit there for a few beats. those beats are important we have decided. so what should be done to the rolling not-really stoppers?

    i say it depends.

    i say in most things we should be saying that shit depends on other shit, therefore, lets hear whats going on.

    but heres the thing about the Lord. he doesnt need any trial. he doesnt need for you to dress up and comb your hair and pay a sweet talking lawyer to figure out the loopholes into this or that

    the Lord can see your heart.

    for a while i thought i could see hearts too, but either i was just lucky in the past or that gift has moved on to others.

    these days i just assume the best and when bad appears i try to make due.

    maybe there are other paths, i honestly don’t know.

    we’re through the looking glass people.

    we just have to trust in the Big Fella in the sky.

    which might be what we shoulda been doing all along.

  3. Thursday, November 7, 2019
  4. heres the things i dont like about getting older 

    i hate almost all new music

    i’m bored of so many things

    no matter how little i eat, my belly still clings to me

    i get tired easily

    ladies dont wink at me as much as they used to

    blogging has all but died

    my ESP is fading away

    im hate regular tv, terrestrial radio, and oyster bars

    i am less and less tolerant of people who hate the poor

    im probably going to hell.


  5. Sunday, November 3, 2019

    went to see Kanye’s gospel hour again, this time with amber 

    all weekend i was checking the prices on stub hub because i knew it wasn’t going to be sold out and i knew there were speculators out there and even Ticketmassah started selling floor seats for $40 so i knew there were gonna be some deep discounts as the hours approached showtime

    and sure enough after amber was done at the fairfax flea market, i picked her up, checked the web and nabbed two tickets for $47 total.

    they were supposed to be up in the rafters but it was pretty easy to get into some lower level good seats as the whole place was at half capacity.

    amber was as amazed as i had been. theres something about hearing all of those voices singing so loudly. also whoever is behind the scenes mixing it does a great job. is a powerfully beautiful thing happening there.

    kanye changed up a lot of things. he replaced the cheesy white preacher with a older black minister from georgia. the frocks were now blue instead of white, and the entire set list changed.

    it went on for two hours and that was more than enough for amber. which is fine. we walked the mile or so to our car, drove around the hood looking for the Popeyes chicken sandwich which had made it’s triumphant return. went to a few stores, huge lines.

    then as we were on speaker phone with mom we saw that the one on Western and MLK wasn’t bad. a half hour later there was a chicken sandwich in my belly. and a half hour later my stomach had completed its journey.

    when that, and the two jack in the box tacos, the only food id ingested all day, exited my body felt incredible.

    and that, my friends, is why blogging is dead.

    ps when amber went to the bathroom at the popeyes a homeless guy had just been in there smoking crack and when she came to the table to report this to me, i asked, did you inhale real good? cuz thats a free high.

    and the ladies next to us laughed.

    on the way home we listened to Bob Dylan’s Saved and compared and contrasted the bard’s born-again phase with Ye’s and they are surprisingly similar. the difference is Kanye’s is full blown while Dylan’s is not nearly as immersive in its entirety.

    bears lost.

  6. Saturday, November 2, 2019

    i went to a climate strike protest rally yesterday 

    i learned a lot. mostly that we are in good hands. also, those hands wont have a chance to save us if we dont save us first.

    then i learned about this japanese grocery store in DTLA that has really good pre-made sushi for cheap.

    we watched little kids annoy pigeons with their toy helicopters

    we watched a couple of gay guys have a romantic lunch sharing a beer and feeding edamame to each other.

    then we went to the movies and saw a really good biopic about Harriet Tubman

    i wish it was better. something was missing. maybe the cinematography? i cant put my finger on it.

    theres fires burning all around us. proof that sprawl hasn’t completely done its dirty work.

    theres still wilderness, which is nice, but now its charred, for many reasons.

    a couple of recycling places caught fire, hard to believe that just naturally occurred.

    i wonder about God, when he looks down on us, does he cry sometimes?

    like can he just not help to?

    then today around noon, a 15 minute rain shower just happened out of the blue.

    and i was all, me too, angels.

    moi aussi.