if i lived in chicago this would be me

i’d have season tickets. id wake up early for games. id take the train down dere.

id get wasted before the game at some tailgate.

id sit in my seat in the cold and the wind, and i’d be pissed most of the time.

in the summers i would see 40-50 Cubs games.

id have a house, a nice wife, probably a kid.

but id never see them between the work and the sports and the drinking.

i’d probably be dead by now.

it would have been a tasteful funeral.

it would have been from getting in a fight in the stands.

my tombstone would say

he had it coming.

life is full of disappointments, what can you do

Jesus said repent

but thats such an old school word, people rarely use it any more

but they should

it means to feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one’s wrongdoing

the keyword is sincere.

i have done some fucked up shitty things in my half century on this crust.

i am sincerely uptight about them.

a few of them hurt me to my core.

if i ever saw a shrink, those few would come out in the first few meetings because they are in my head all the time.

and i am so sorry about them. it is so out of my character. it is not me.

i have seen people exhibit the worst parts of their makeup and the good book describes it as being inhabited by demons.

which again is an old school concept but one that i think should be taken seriously.

when one is inhabited, we dont strike out at the person but at the demons. and what are demons? souls that have lost their way. Milton says Satan was someone who couldn’t make a heaven of hell, so has decided to make a hell out of heaven. and tell me that that isn’t whats going on when someone we like or love starts acting a fool or saying some fucked up nonsense.

or worse: doing terrible things.

there was a time i wanted to be a judge but over time i see how complicated life is. not everything is good or bad, right or wrong. imagine someone does a rolling stop at a stop sign, are they truly criminals? were lives really in danger? but the law says sit there for a few beats. those beats are important we have decided. so what should be done to the rolling not-really stoppers?

i say it depends.

i say in most things we should be saying that shit depends on other shit, therefore, lets hear whats going on.

but heres the thing about the Lord. he doesnt need any trial. he doesnt need for you to dress up and comb your hair and pay a sweet talking lawyer to figure out the loopholes into this or that

the Lord can see your heart.

for a while i thought i could see hearts too, but either i was just lucky in the past or that gift has moved on to others.

these days i just assume the best and when bad appears i try to make due.

maybe there are other paths, i honestly don’t know.

we’re through the looking glass people.

we just have to trust in the Big Fella in the sky.

which might be what we shoulda been doing all along.