nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, March 8, 2020

    even though the illness is over 

    that was a bizarre week.

    I couldn’t function.

    I’m just regaining some functions.

    I left the house a few times but in retrospect should I?

    I went to the movies twice. Late.

    free parking.

    I’m thinking about covering an incredible song.

    It’s almost impossible to do it justice.

    Maybe I’ll take a few cracks at it.

  2. Thursday, March 5, 2020

    heres the plan 

    we start small.

    off the radar.

    under the clouds.

    in through the out door.

    wish you were here.

    then, as things do, it’ll grow.

    the question is, can you wait

    do you have patience

    do you have means

    and worst of all

    do you have time.

    i once had this little

    99 cents store plant

    stuck it in a pot

    and ive lived here 19 years


    and it’s climbed up my wall,

    up my neighbors above me

    and should hit the roof

    any day now.

    i never did anything special

    to it




    things are meant to grow

    my mom told me

    pointing out a plant

    she had that grew out of

    the cowboy hat it arrived in.

    it was enormous.

    when i was interviewing for jobs last year

    ppl would say how did you do it

    how did you make those things grow

    i said

    sometimes the best thing you can do


    is just make sure the sunshine gets to it

    since, as im sure you know

    we live in a land of shade.

  3. Wednesday, March 4, 2020

    advice from the king 

    My thoughts on Joe Biden

    If you’re like me, you were up until the wee hours last night, sick, coughing, sneezing, wondering if you have the cornavirus and using that nervous energy to find your missing phone. At some point it became 4am and the Stern show came on live, so you turned it on as you turned your apartment upside down.

    Like many of you I didn’t vote for Joe Biden. His health has seemed to have deteriorated rapidly over the last few years. What was once funny little guffaws are at times now sad. You see flashes of that charming Obama sidekick, but as Matt Welch said on Kennedy’s show the other day, “we all have aging parents and we know what we are seeing in him.”

    At the same time there are all these idealistic candidates. I watched Elizabeth Warren last night do a rally / town hall from Michigan. She was the opposite of Biden: she was full of life. She was literally running from one side of the large stage to the other. Almost a characteur of herself on SNL, any time anyone asked if she had a plan for this or that she would laugh, tell a quick joke and explain that not only did she have a plan but it was on her website and fully understood the issue.

    She was engaging, lovable, and probably could have dropped down and done 20 push ups.

    Then there’s dear Bernie. God love him. He can announce a rally in L.A. on Monday and 20,000 people will show up to stand in a convention center hall on Sunday. Like Warren, he thinks America can break the chain of Big Pharma and deliver this great nation the health care that other countries have shown are NBD.

    As Sarah Silverman said moments before he spoke here, “what an asshole.”

    Amy Klobachar has never lost versus a Republican. Mayor Pete is a well-spoken calm intelligent gay veteran from a state that doesn’t produce a lot of those types of folks. And sitting on the sidelines is Kamela Harris, who if she had been bankrolled by a billionaire would probably be giving Biden a run for his money at this stage.

    But Howard this morning put it all in perspective.

    America is scared. It cannot believe the avalanche of bullshit that it has gone through over these past 3+ years. Every day it’s one thing after another. Lies, unprecedented baloney, lack of transparency, foreign interference, a GOP senate that will sacrifice everything holy to keep the charade going.

    America just wants something safe and stable.

    As fucked up as Biden’s health is, as un-PC as it is that he’s so touchy feely — America knows that he means no harm. America knows he’s an honorable man. And America knows he’s not going to be up to some back-channel shenanigans with our enemies off the record because they’ve got some wild pee tape in a lock box somewhere.

    As Howard said, America just wants a return to normalcy. And unfortunately Warren and Bernie and Mayor Pete are too punk rock right now.

    And that sucks. Which is why so many people are sad today. But what would suck more and make people sadder is if Middle America and the South in November were too scared to vote for actual change and either didn’t vote at all or re-elected the pussy grabber.

    Howard said, and I didn’t expect him to be this rational, that Joe Biden would be the guy who most of America would feel ok voting for, so get over it and win the Senate back and do your miracles there.

    And once again the King of All Media put me at ease because he’s right.

    If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.

  4. Tuesday, March 3, 2020

    Turning the corner on this cold 

    So i did the unspeakable, around 11:30pm it dawned on me that tomorrow might just be a madhouse with people voting

    And they have all-night voting tonight in a few places in LA

    So i hopped in the car and drove over to Brentwood to this fancy hotel

    And did some early late night voting.

    I noticed someone who looked familiar in a shirt and a tie and it turned out it was one of the weathermen here who had just voted

    He took a selfie of himself right in front of me.

    I was pretty shocked when i saw it on twitter. Apparently we follow each other.

    But I’m glad he did because i still cant find my phone in my home.

    That has been a bit weird. You never realize how important it is until you dont have it for a couple of days

    Anyways the computerized voting was easy, quick, and best of all they had my address wrong which is why I hadn’t gotten my mail in ballot

    And the guy right there at check in was able to spin his screen around and say “correct any errors” and i was able to put my correct address in there

    Bing bam boom.

    There were maybe 8 people at the poll at midnight and about 6 people working it.

    No waiting.

    You coulda had 20 voters in there maybe 25.

    Plenty of free parking and a nice bathroom afterwards to wash my hand of all of it.

    Now i have insomnia because of the meds I’m on.

    I hope to be 100% by Thursday but you never know. I felt unbelievable terrible this morning.

  5. Sunday, March 1, 2020

    Ive already fucked up my Lent 

    I promised i would blog every day on the world famous and i failed you yesterday. I got sick. I lost my iPhone. I lost my mind. I was puking. I thought i had the corona virus. I was supposed to go somewhere cool today but i had to stay at home

    I fought with my gf. I fought with my neighbor. I drove to the valley last night and fought with the walmart lady because it was 11:15pm and the website said they would be open till midnight and she kept pointing at the sign on the door and i kept pointing to the words on the internet.



    I wanted pills. I had allergies. Not the corona virus. When i was on Venice Beach it was windy it was dusty i could feel the pollen get inside my sensitive body.

    I may be the toughest man in the world, XBI trained through and through but deep down I’m a sensitive poet and when I’m ill I am the biggest baby alive.

    Drove all the way to another valley walmart way out in the midst of nowhere. But on the way there i got a Jack n the Box munchie meal. Ate a few bites and my stomach was all, hell no.

    Couldn’t find squat in that walmart neither. But on the way to the freeway i saw this homeless guy. It was midnight. This was the darkest valley location. He must have been the only homeless guy in town. I said are you hungry? We were buy an In n Out. He said, my doc said I cant eat in n out any more. I said take this jack in the box. Take this water. Here’s a joint. Here’s a lighter.

    I ESPed you could be homeless anywhere in LA why here?

    He ESPed back, the pussy.

    Which is why I take it easy reading people’s minds.

    Like Supertramp I took the long way home listening to American Dirt on audio, the controversial novel about Latino life written by a white lady who everyone hates. It was well written but it was so negative. Then I moved on to Georgia Hardstark;s murder book.

    I had met Georgia once or twice during the Alie and Georgia days. The last time was on a super hot day at the Hotel Roosevelt. I was at the pool with Moxie and I noticed them on the other side. I walked over said hi and Georgia noticed my fingernails. She said omg cut those! Do you know how much damage you would give a girl if you fingered her with those?

    Incredible advice. I am happy with her success. And the first few chapters that I listened to were delightful.

    Then in Los Feliz i saw a billboard for a porn star’s web site

    And it may have well said

    Tony you are in a magic period.

    All is possible.

    Be you 100% before someone sneezes on you wrong and you curl up and die.