1. Saturday, April 4, 2020

    stolen from the web 

    *A RECAP OF THE LAST THREE WEEKS*

    AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do?

    CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state.

    AMERICA: Wait… what? Why?

    CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and it’s working.

    OHIO: Whoa… whoa… let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax.

    CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state.

    TEXAS: But the president said that we only have 15 cases and soon it’ll be zero.

    CALIFORNIA: The president can’t count to fifteen. Nor even spell it. Shut down your state.

    NEW JERSEY: Us too?

    CALIFORNIA: Yes, you guys too. Just like when Christie shut down the bridge, but it’s your whole state.

    FLORIDA: But what about all these kids here on spring break?? They spend a lot of money here!

    CALIFORNIA: Those kids invented the tide pod challenge. Shut down your state.

    LOUISIANA: But wait let’s have Mardi Gras first. It entertains people.

    CALIFORNIA: It also kills them. Shut it down.

    GEORGIA: Ok well how about we keep the state open for all of our mega churches? Maybe we can all pray really hard until the coronavirus just goes away!

    CALIFORNIA: Which is working like a charm for mass shootings. Jesus told us to tell you to shut down your state.

    OKLAHOMA: What about the tigers?

    CALIFORNIA: What about a dentist. Shut it down.

    WYOMING: Hold up, maybe we should go county by county like the president said.

    CALIFORNIA: Stop acting like there are counties in Wyoming. There are no counties in Wyoming. Wyoming is a county. Shut it down.

    PENNSYLVANIA: But big coal.

    CALIFORNIA: But big death. Shut it.

    WEST VIRGINIA: But we were the last state to get coronavirus!

    CALIFORNIA: And don’t make us explain to you why that was. Shut it down.

    NORTH CAROLINA: But the republican national convention is coming here!

    CALIFORNIA: SHU… ok fine, do what you want.

    (*cut&paste from the internets)