i once had a teacher who said

if youre having writers block, dont write.

but he was a short story writer.

i get paid to type.

i can’t just not write.

plus the things i like to write about are timely.

this day has come and gone and nothing.

maybe four paragraphs.

and theyre all terrible.

i think im exhausted.

i think im thinking too much.

i think i have too many distractions.

i think i am a distraction.

R. Crumb when he was doing the Old Testament, bought a house on the top of a hill in France. but it was far away from his actual house in France.

his wife would show up on Friday night with food and supplies like ink (he draws with old fashioned ink pens you have to dip) and then gave him love until Sunday and then she would drive back down the mountain.

then he’d work.

took him 6 years to finish the book.

but what a book!

but i aint got 6 years.

in a perfect world i would have two stories finished before tomorrow.

but i aint no where close.

i think thats the problem. im trying to eat this elephant whole. and i have convinced myself i gotta eat two elephants.

i just wanna go to palm springs.

might just go to palm springs anyhow.

i am Lots wife. i just wanna look back at the past even if it kills me. hotels, margaritas, sunshine, naps.

it is killing me though.

ive gotta push through.

i cant write. im in a hole.

my brain is everywhere. everythings a distraction. i just need to do this one thing which is now two. which is bordering on three. and i cant.

all i think about is la quinta. its the one thing i really miss off of all of this.

this morning i woke up with a sore throat and i was like, whoops, there it is. dying. Rona. adios!

i wanna go to la quinta because they have too many pools and a roof deck where a night like tonight you could see every star and every star can see you and some of them say have you no decency? pants!

by now we woulda been there twice probs.

i traded up my air for a pro. i can see now without squinting. this is a real computer.

neil young has a song called “piece of crap.” after a while you learn that some things can be crap but the thing that you use every day, especially for work, should be the real deal.

air was fine but it’s for kids.

if i was at la quinta id take a long walk around the grounds, dive into a pool, then maybe another.

clear my head.

soak in a hot tub.

flash the stars on an outdoor chaise next to the out door fire place

pink floyd easing out of the iphone

amber inside snoring

and in the morning id wake with the sun and do this damn thing.

but tonight its just