1. Tuesday, July 7, 2020

    this column is probably why im not a columnist 

    There’s this thing going on today in LA Twitter asking people where are the most cursed places in LA.

    Fuck that shit.

    People are saying this intersection or that one. This Target Husk or that spot where Biggie got shot.

    Fuck it all.

    LA, like anything interesting and valuable, is complicated, deep, and at times just as beautiful as it is fugly.

    The intersection that you don’t like because it doesn’t have a roundabout on it or a stop light or a street light, I fucking love for the exact same reasons.

    I live in walking distance of Target Husk and for going on five years I have seen that half built structure tease me, the innocent child stuck in a custody case. Is it too big? Is the Home Depot of the same size next to it?

    Q. Do we need 100 Targets?
    A: DO WE NEED 1,000 STARBUCKS?

    And now that it finally has been okayed to finish being built, I’m missing its unkempt, crappy plastic flapping in the wind. Soon it will just be another Target. Fuck that.

    So many people move to LA and first thing they wanna do is bitch. OMG it’s so expensive. OMG people are so phony. OMG the traffic. OMG the parking. OMG OMG OMG.

    You know what wasn’t expensive or phony or trafficky with plenty of parking? The fucking village you fled from the second you could.

    LA is the beautiful model actress hooker waitress you continually whine about being high maintenance even though you broke up with your perfectly reasonable “love” when you climbed into your UHaul.

    Yes there are fucked up intersections. Avoid them. Yes there are bad drivers. They’re called New Yorkers! And yes shit cost money here but look around, there’s more opportunity to make those ends here in LA than where you graduated high school, so suck it up or move back home like all the other quitters.

    If LA was easy everyone would live here.

    It’s only cursed on Twitter.