nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, September 27, 2020

    i failed again this weekend 

    last weekend i tried, this weekend i did better but still failed.

    it’s damn near impossible to not go on twitter or instagram or facebook

    for me, at least

    i mean i wasnt on it long – about an hour for the weekend but the goal was zero

    i was procrastinating.

    so next week lets try to make it less than ahalf hour.

    also a bunch of stuff went down and i wanted to feed the Los Angeleno twitter account.

    also its a habit.

    a weird weird habit.

    tonight i finished a story that i thought up today and who knows maybe people will like it maybe they wont.

    all i know is i thunk it up, did it and it’s done.

    maybe it’s easy for you to do that but lately it’s been soooo hard.

    all weekend i was working on a thing for Sass but my mind

    what if i need adderall?


    for some reason that scares me.

    i did succeed at something though. i won the toughest fantasy league i am in.

    i think for 10 years ive played in this league and never won.

    whats weird about this championship series is are manyboth of our teams couldnt hit over .200. we both struck out like crazy.

    his complete game was the Worst, it was a double header game, so his pitcher only had to pitch 6 innings AND HE LOST

    i would have been so pissed if i lost by 1 point because he got a CG out of such a sham.

    thank God my pitchers were on fire.

    whats really weird about this win was i wasnt even in the draft and i only kept like 3 of the players the computer picked for me.

    whatever = W

  2. Friday, September 25, 2020

    gonna try to unplug this weekend 

    it’s already hard. im addicted. and im procrastinating.

    i have so much work to do and a hard out on Thursday. maid’s coming, so i have to skedaddle outta here.

    two weeks worth of work boiled into six days.

    how will i do it? am i that amazing?

    i gotta say this about my first year with Los Angeleno, i always wanted to write more since leaving LAist way back when and it’s nice to write again.

    it makes me really appreciate those who do it every day or damn near every day. it’s not easy.

    my problem is not in the story ideas. i have 10 a day. good ones. perfect ones.

    its: can i remain excited about them 20 minutes after theyre approved?

    the answer is rarely yes. so i try to write as fast as i can before i get bored to death.

    my brain zips around so much these days FOR OBVIOUS REASONS and social media does not help because each page refresh or full screen scroll leads to two new moments of agita.

    thats one thing i miss about not being in Chicago, even though i havent been there in ages, i miss the italians

    today at the grocery store this black guy passed me and said nice hat.

    turned out he was from the South Side. super rarity to have that happen.

    most younger black dudes from that part of town are Sox fans.

    they view Cub fans as entitled white boy fratty dudes — and they’re not 100% wrong.

    so i asked him why a Cub fan and he said his grandma always had WGN on back in the day.

    i wish more networks understood the secret trick that WGN did to us:

    Ray Rayner cartoons in the morning, Bozo at noon and the Cubs at 1:20pm.

    it tricked millions of us kids to get addicted.

    i still dont know how a kids show at noon stayed so successful when most of their target market – pre TIVO – was at school, but thats another story idea for another media outlet.

  3. Thursday, September 24, 2020

    what will you do when your dreams come true 

    and what will they do for you

    what if your dreams have already come true

    what if all of this is second desert.

    there are a lot of things i miss very much

    near the top of that list is driving uber lyft.

    for a little while you could say i was addicted

    because in a little way it was competition with drivers on facebook

    but in another way it was the greatest paid tour of my city

    where i could ask anyone anything about their neighborhood

    and they would go on and on and on

    pointing along the way.

    i drove so much my arms and legs hurt after a while.

    i drove so much and had a near perfect rating

    not because im an incredible driver

    but because when people talk about their neighborhood

    theyre talking about themselves

    and who doesnt like that?

  4. Wednesday, September 23, 2020
  5. jane fonda was on howard stern 

    people say that howard is dunzo

    theyre mad because he doesnt have strippers on any more or weirdos

    but at least once a week he does a dynamite interview.

    the other day it was jane fonda who, it turns out, is a huge fan of his and said if she hadn’t “closed up shop” would have loved to have gone on a date with him.

    i wonder if howard is happy

    he doesnt seem like it, which is weird.

    all the money, such a perfect wife, can say whatever he wants on the radio to millions of people and

    get away with it.

    all these people want to get interviewed by him.

    now he gets to work from his own house, no commute.

    but he always seems so miserable.

    obsessed with his weight, he hardly allows himself to eat like a king

    only has a few friends

    then theres all the weirdness with artie. jackie. stuttering john. tom the engineer.

    and you know the wack pack are hitting him up for money all the time.

    but who knows, maybe he’s fooling us all.

    still, i worry.

    the silver lining about having to wear masks in public is

    i wonder how many celebs like howard are allowed a bit more freedom

    because now they can walk around with a bigass mask and glasses and maybe a hat,

    and no one would that it’s the king of all media

    strolling down the street

    buying some spaghetti

    he’ll cook real nice

    and then toss in the garbage


  6. Tuesday, September 22, 2020

    of course id pack the court 

    with black women.

    id put 3 or 4 in there.

    everything else is politicized. everything else is bastardized. why not for a little while we have one place that is more diverse than the others and

    omg see what happens.

    they say dont pack the court because the public doesnt like it.

    so the public likes a president who lies 20k times, who doesnt support the troops, who plays footsies with the enemy, who disparages the fbi cia post office football players etc etc etc?

    sure seems like at least 50-60 million of our friends and neighbors have no problem with that.

    but america would lose its mind if the court looked like america? or worse: a little more black than america looks?

    the top 40, the nba, the nfl, gospel choirs, and soul food restaurants look more black than america looks and guess what, people fucking love those things, so why would it be any different for the highest court in the land?

    if i was president i would do all the good things that should have been done long ago and watch people lose their minds.

    we are here for a short period of time.

    tom petty is dead.

    tom petty was here, did his thing, fought some good fights, grew as a man, renounced confederate flags (and his use of them on tour) well before it became a thing on msnbc.

    and then he died.

    he died lovable. he died after not only making the heartbreakers huge, and his own solo career huge

    but also making the travelling wilburys an unexpected masterstroke

    what will be your unexpected masterstroke

    what will be the thing that you do that people will say, yeah it makes sense but i didn’t really see it coming?

    mine wont be packing the court.

    but it will be something.

  7. Sunday, September 20, 2020

    i got what i wanted 

    i wanted to get the hell out of dodge.

    i wanted to recharge my batteries.

    i wanted a second floor suite with a nice view and a cheap price.

    i wanted the air to be so warm that at midnight, topless, you could just lay down on the outside couch and stare at the stars and scribble notes of world domination down in your 19 year old notebook.

    and it didnt want it to cost an arm and a leg

    and i wanted to dangle my feet in a pool

    and i wanted to escape the unhealthy air of LA

    and somehow i wanted to avoid the COVID

    fortunately i know a guy

    technically shes a she and because she remains friends with everyone she works with

    we were able to get a great deal and i used the money ive been socking away every two weeks

    for the last two years

    so i didnt even feel it.

    savings, what a concept.

    we ate well, we stayed up all night, we had the AC up so high it was cold in the room

    a huge novelty for us.

    for a while we would sit outside then sit inside then sit back outside when it got too frosty.

    i was also doing this thing where i wasnt using my phone or going on social media

    the first couple of days were no big deal.

    but then some crazy things happened, and also amber didnt like me running around without a phone.

    she likes to see where i am and she wants to be able to call me if shes in trouble

    or if im in trouble

    which is sweet.

    but it made the experiment harder.

    eventually i got sucked back into social media because it’s amazing and breaks news and teaches me junk.

    but i did learn a lot from this week in regard to social and my phone.

    1. i use it way too much and i can get distracted by it
    2. i waste time fighting with people on it
    3. i dont need it as much as i thought
    4. theres more to life
    5. i concentrate better on things when my phone isnt near me
    6. i miss my momma when i dont have a phone
    7. even though Waze is great, i know how to get there
    8. the Benz navigation is bad but it does the trick
    9. so much of social is personal/professional advertising and not enough support
    10. no phone means no pictures. i loved not having my phone. i didnt love taking fewer pics.

    the most wonderful surprise came at the AAA office about 3 miles from the hotel

    i have had an expired registration for my car since May

    i tried to make it happen via the mails but the DMV has been closed and they said i was late


    so i sent them a second check and a letter saying i thought the mayor said you cant charge me more because the DMVs are all closed

    and they never wrote me back. they didnt say i was late. but they also didnt send me anything.

    i  was in limbo. i was screwed and they wouldnt let me do anything online.

    meanwhile the DMV had 4 hour wait times.

    i knew AAA could help on some things, but when i popped my head in there they were so nice and so prepared for exactly this type of thing, simply via my ID

    $105 later and i had my registration and i was so happy you have no idea.

    i did screw up and brought along some work which is always a good idea when you want to be productive

    but the next time i go i am going to make sure to bring shorts,

    two pairs of socks, two shirts,

    a big portable speaker,

    and my tooth brush

    anything extra is silly.

    we had a spiritual breakthrough too, which maybe we can talk about one day.

  8. Tuesday, September 15, 2020

    why it shouldnt matter 

    it’s pointless to care what people think, infact id say it’s harmful.

    as long as you are being good and trying to be nice and helpful and peaceful and loving

    what could you possibly be doing that would cause someone to hate on you

    and if they did, odds are it’s their crap that theyre projecting on you

    theres not one person who doesnt have haters.

    theres not one band where you couldnt find 100 people to say they suck.

    we have a tiny period of time to rock out.

    do not read the comments

    do not feed the trolls

    turn it all the way up

    and delight the world with a joyful noise

  9. amber was telling me how there are two kinds of people 

    one kind who wants very much for people to love them

    the other kind does not give one shit what people think of them.

    she said she loves me because i dont care

    she said look at your clothes

    look how you keep this apartment so junky

    you walk outside with no shoes and no shirt and talk to anybody

    look at how you decorate. pictures of the most random people and old girlfriends

    everyone else instagrams fancy coffee and steak dinners.

    you take pictures at mcdonalds.

    and everybody loves you.

    why dont you care?

    i said watch college basketball players on the free throw line.

    college arenas are intensely loud and the fans behind the glass backboard have super funny signs

    and weird pictures and they’re doing bizarre things

    in hopes that the guy at the free throw line will lose his concentration.

    the ones who can ignore all the terrible things they’re shouting


    and maybe becomes a pro.

    to me going pro means going to heaven.

    i only want to please Jesus.

    and Jesus wants me to rock.

  10. Monday, September 14, 2020

    what if im addicted to twitter? 

    since Friday i have been without my phone. my girlfriend is more uptight about that than i am.

    WHAT IF THERES AN EMERGENCY she asked as we drove to Inglewood last night to get some ribs.

    then i die.

    have my ashes sprinkled among the ashes of Hollywood.

    the day before we went to Target and she did not let me leave my phone at home in case we got seperated in the two story store in Pasadena.

    now its lost somewhere in this house, locked, and trust me when i tell you last night when i gleefully told her i dont care where it was she about blew a gasket.

    things i miss about my phone are minimal. i miss calling my mom when i go on long drives. i miss having it tethered via bluetooth to my car’s Alexa so i can say hey alexa play Tsar

    but other than that it has been a pleasant separation and im sure my phone feels the same way about me.

    but this twitter. holy moley, i had no idea.

    it all happened saturday night, as per my previous post. i watched Josie get arrested and via twitter and my iMessage i was able to alert some of the people she works with. Lord knows i was not going to sit on my hands as she wa being driven to prison because of some weirdo goal to be off the grid.

    but as the conversations got weirder and weirder on Twitter regarding her case, the first amendment and the plausibility of a pro journalist jumping into a law enforcement scrum like some modern day Leroy Jenkins i began seeing why i love social media so much.

    often times it’s an interesting conversation, but moreso it’s debating with people who are so different both politically and otherwise that it’s eye opening that we can both be looking at the same half full glass of water and they say

    not only is it half empty but because of Obama it’s undrinkable.

    theres many things i should have studied at UCSB than poetry, namely: Spanish, coding, and apparently Philosophy. I flunked two courses in school, a cinema class on Buster Keaton because i refused to over analyze his slapstick comedy because i didnt want to ruin future viewings, and the philosophy of Berkeley because apparently im dumber than i look.

    in that class we had one book. it was a paperback called The Philosophy of Berkeley. It was about 75 pages. I couldn’t get through 5 of them.

    im someone who was able to read much of The Bible, Finnegans Wake, and The Sound and the Fury in college. while distracted by the beach, the ladies, and my real goal: writing 100+ articles for the Daily Nexus a year. but those who understand philosophy is something i really admire because it was so foreign to me.

    Give me Faulkner’s crazy, trippy, stoned, drunk run on sentences and Joyce’s Ulysses (which I tried to read on shrooms) any day over philosophy.

    I read Milton’s Paradise Lost as an ice cream man on summer vacation, for fun but i bombed big time with Berkeley which is why i appreciate trying to conversate with these twitter people with their American flag icons in their bio about what a good journalist can and cannot do.

    and yesterday i went on twitter to see the rest of the debate AND TODAY I DID IT TOO!

    partially i did it because two of my stories for Los Angeleno were published over the last few days an i want people to read them.

    the first was about diversity at the Oscars and how their new rules can be easily gamed

    and the other is about diversity at the LA Times and how they really should bite the bullet and let Angel Jennings have full on veto powers otherwise she will be frustrated as merely a token.

    going forward i have no other excuses.

    but here is the biggest problem i have with twitter: i learn s much. i follow about 1,300 people. about half of them are fully alive on the platform, tweeting out and retweeting fascinating things. news breaks and theyre on it.

    who doesn’t love breaking news?

    who doesnt want to talk about the president visiting california and saying that the global warming will just disappear? who doesnt want to talk about the Bears’ crazy comeback yesterday or the Cubs’ no hitter or a thousand other things?

    i do i do i do!

    the greatest thing about being the blog editor of the LA Times was being able to bounce from desk to desk and talk with some of the greatest writers and editors of those sections about the stories theyre working on and how we can make the ones theyve recently published get seen.

    it was like going to college and being given an All Access pass to every classroom, all the star students, and all the best professors. every day i learned so much.

    twitter is a tiny version of that. oftentimes the journalists will tell you in real time what they are working on or what their recently published stories are all about. and the best ones will answer your questions. you do not need to be a Philosophy major to chat with them because they see the half full glass of water and will talk all day with you about it.

    using their real names.

    using links to support their point of view.

    and often the people who follow them are also interesting and educated people who also want to learn.

    so why am i giving that up for even a week?

    because all addictions should be put under control.

    even if they are fulfilling and wonderful and incredible.

    at least for me.